#Fact: My big blue dildo just got me flagged in security at LAX

omg omg omg omgggggggggg!!! These experiences I have while traveling MAKE MY LIFE!!!! 

So, I'm currently chillaxin at my gate at LAX, but a few minutes ago while walking through security - I got flagged. 

Lemme break it all down for you ... ::scooby doo beginning - scooby doo scooby doo:: 

Picture it. Los Angeles international airport - half hour ago. 

I travel very very very lightly. Even with ALL of my equipment I need to film for the TV show, I will never travel with more than 1 backpack and 1 duffle bag carry on. Even for when I traveled for 30 days last month!! Seriously - I am an expert expert expert traveler. (Comes in handy when you give up everything you own and barter social media traveling around the country for a year.) 

That being said, one of my traveling pre-requisites is my dildo. I am seriously the horniest chick on the planet. I work hard, play hard, and like to be fucked hard. Now, that I am without a fuck buddy, or having casual sex in any regard - I still gotta do, what I gotta do. 

Yes, you heard that right ladies and gentlemen ... I ... @JenFriel ... masturbate ... and own a dildo. 

::SCANDAL:: 

It's big, blue, and gets the job done. 

That being said, it is also one of the things I travel with. I guess you can say I won't take off unless I can get off. OOOHHHH ::rim shot:: (omg, haha that was bad) 

So, this morning I was packing, and getting everything together rather last minute, putting my dildo in the bag as well. I've always been conscious of wanting to avoid a vibrating bag going through security - so I at least make an effort to do my part, and fly a bit more under the radar by taking out the batteries. 

This morning however, I had a brain fart. 

Totally forgot to take out the batteries.

Not necessarily a problem actually since as I went through security the thing didn't go off - but that wasn't the only problem. 

I passed through the metal detector, and went through everything pat-free, no problem. 

Then, as I was waiting for my bag to finally come down the belt, I see the woman stopping and staring at something in the bag. 

Oh no, I thought, as I stared at her screen (which was facing my direction) - she is definitely staring at my dildo. 

She zooms in - my greatest fear confirmed. 

OMFG this is going to be hilarious, I thought. 

She looks over her shoulder to see who the bag belongs to.

She looks back at the screen, then back over to me ... 

The bag is then brought down the belt. 

Is this your bag, ma'am? She says

Yes, yes it is - I say confident but afraid that now I am going to have to show my dildo to the people in line behind me. 

Whatever, I think - I will OWN this shit! Ain't no shame!! Well, it is only 10 am, but AIN'T NO SHAME!! AIN'T NO SHAME!! Omg, someone please hide the children ... 

She then whispers - just so you know, take out the batteries next time and you won't be stopped. When the batteries are left in it sets off an alert on our screen. Sealed with a wink and a smile she wishes me a safe flight. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg, I think - you have officially just made my day and my LIFE!!! 

Hi-gh-larious!! And thank you very nice TSA agent for not making me take out my dildo. WHHEWWW!! 

Note to nerds, remove the batteries from sex toys before going through security. 

#amazing

Comments

[Al]

lol this could have been a sitcom moment! "That's...uhm....for my neck....what?! Oh! I think rabbits are cute?"