OOOHHHH my goodness gracious acious nerderinos - what a weekend. First off, thank you room for the fact that you have now stopped spinning. That took a really long time, haha.
Alrite, first up - Saturday ... the Playboy Mansion. You ready?
Lemme get a song going ...
Perfect, and so true.
Alrite, now a little bit of a backstory ...
I've been going to Playboy parties for years years years. I got invited to my first one in 2005 by a party promoter (I moved to LA in 2004), and after I got into that first party, and was apparently cool - they kept inviting me back (all via email, they have my super super super old school gmail addy). It's one of these things where if you don't suck all the "right" people will make sure you're taken care of - and pretty much give you full access to all of the cool shit going down at the mansion. Really fucking rad - and I'm really grateful (especially since that shit be free yo!).
Every year though there is a judging of sorts to these parties, and if you're deemed "hot enough" you'll get in no problem.
For some god awful reason, I have always been the only one of my group of friends to ever get an invite and get a free sponsored ticket. (Anyone can go to these parties, but be prepared to fork over a grand a head.) It definitely pissed some of my friends off those first few parties, but now everyone is just used to it, and I'm used to going alone. Dudes, this is how I meet SOOOOO many new people. I do shit completely by myself and sort of throw myself at whatever I am given and no matter what I end up having a blast. I'm an extroverted loner, going to parties knowing no one and walking out with everyone's life story is my THING!
Alrite, that's my backstory, now we can move on.
So, Saturday I had my invite to the party, and this year just grabbed a spirithood, slutty black dress, my super comfy booties from Blowfish, put eye liner on my nose and managed to piece together a pretty solid costume ...
I'm a naughty red wolf ...
Dude, biking gives you the BEST. BUTT. EVER!!! That thing is getting so perfectly perky. So rad!
I am still not driving as I have yet to pay off my 5 parking tickets, so I had to take the city bus to get to the mansion. <tangent> Dudes, I'm totes not mad at it, but based on sheer principle I can't justify dropping $2500 to get them paid off, PLUS my registration, PLUS a tune up for my car since it hasn't been driven for a year. I'm giving myself a deadline of January - but for reals, after surviving off of $10 and only $10 for a year, it's a minor inconvenience, yes - but taking public transportation for 11 months has also taught me a lot about life, and I plan to write a thesis on it when I'm done. </tangent>
Before getting on the bus however, I set myself up with a loverly treat of some beer in my Vapur bag so I could pregame on the ride over.
I got this from speaking at the 20SB conference in Chicago, but it is LITERALLY the greatest thing ever. It's a water bottle that folds up completely. It's this bag thingie that is designed SO well, and can totally fold up in your purse after. It's definitely more eco-friendly than solos, and I'm not mad at it!!
I then started pounding back the brewsky while some rather interesting characters started to board the bus.
Directly in front of me is a slutty snow white, over in the front of the bus is a dark angel of sorts, and to my right (not pictured) was a 5 year old girl.
She was a really really really big fan of my costume.
She kept petting my fur, and talk about AWKWARD!!!
Dude, where's your mama? This dress is so tight and so short ... a little 5 year old girl should not be exposed to this!! I then quickly realize that her mom is actually sitting next to me. Would you like to swap seats, I ask pointing to her daughter.
Oh no, she's fine - she said. She just really likes your hat.
It's not a hat, it's a spirithood! I thought!!!
Fine fine, keep drinking Friel. The awkwardness will subside.
15 minutes later - it hasn't. The little girl is STILL poking/ petting me, but fortunately my beer buzz is increasing so I stop caring.
BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER!!! Why are you so wonderful??
I then get off a few more stops later, and walk over to the parking garage where the shuttle to the mansion picks you up.
<tangent> To get to the mansion, you pick up a shuttle in century city - and then you are literally shuttled in. You can get a drive on, but they're only given out to select peeps, and I have connections, but not that good. Besides, what would I drive on? My bike? No way. </tangent>
I stand in line for a few minutes, then check in officially opens and we all move in to our appropriate lanes. (They are organized by the alphabet. A-D in one lane, E-H in another ... etc.) I was in the lane for F.
I was standing there for a moment, and something struck me. I don't know how else to describe this feeling, but without thought, I instinctively turned around standing DIRECTLY behind me was a guy I used to work with when I worked in movie marketing. (It was a super super super small company, and this dude and I used to flirt pretty hardcore.)
OMG!! It's YOU I scream ... I then put my hands on my chest, Jen Friel!!
WOW! He proclaimed. Holy crap!
Mind you it's been 5 years since I've seen the guy, and a chick at 21 is very different at 26. I then also remind myself that I am half naked, hahaha so this all just got interesting.
This is my girlfriend, he says.
Hello! I say introducing myself. He then asks what I've been up to.
I started a website, I replied. Pretty pleased with it! Are you still at the same place?
Yep! He said. Love it.
Great, I said - next is then called by the check in lady.
Hi, Jen Friel, I say as she checks my name off the list and as she places the bracelet around my arm.
Great seeing you I say to my former co-worker as I walk away.
Great seeing you too! He said. Have fun!
Oh I will ...
I then get on the shuttle laughing. Only in my life would I be half naked and bump into a former co-worker. City of 8 million, and I KNEEWWW someone I knew was standing behind me. I didn't even think about it, I just reacted - so effing gnarly.
I sit down on the shuttle next to a dude dressed as Rocky. Hello, I say introducing myself.
Hello! He says back introducing himself.
Wow, thick accent you got there, I say. Where are you from?
Nice! First time at the mansion?
For this kind of party- yes.
Nice! You're going to have a lot of fun I say.
Luke warm conversation is then had as we waited for about 15 minutes for the shuttle to actually take off.
What do you do out here in LA, he says.
I run a website.
That's great! Wow, didn't expect you to say that.
Who do you run it for? he presses on
Me. I work for myself. I created the site, manage the brand, all the SEO, it's my baby and my little piece of the world. I talk about nerds, sex and tech.
He then stares at me INCREDIBLY puzzled asking yet again for clarification purposes.
You ... (his eyes move down my body) created a website?
Realizing I should have been insulted that this guy from Oklahoma could very literally NOT wrap his brain around a chick running a website, I simply smiled and said - yep! And I'm damn proud!!
Not knowing what else to say to me at that point, he motions over to his friend and asks him to pass him his iPhone. He pulls up a picture from earlier in the evening of him standing with Hef, and a few playmates.
This was taken earlier tonight, he says. The girls were great.
I stare at the picture and smile. Is this supposed to get me wet, I wonder? Wow, you're friends with Hef. So are a lot of the guys here - and if I'm not going to fuck Hef, I'm DEFINITELY not going to fuck them, and I'm REALLY not going to fuck you.
<tangent> I don't get it, man. I think Hef is very very very literally a genius, and I TOTALLY admire what the guy did for equality and the sexual revolution as a whole - but I have ZZZZEERRRROOOO desire to ever sleep with him. Like literally, the only thing I would ever clear out of Hef is his cache, and maybe a few viruses. (As I'm sure he might have a couple OOOHHHH ::ZING::) Never ever ever ever ever. I am totally grossed out by this thought right now, and need to move on. OH! Look a squirrel ... </tangent>
So that happened. I amused the guy for the ride over, and by the time we reached the grounds I was ready to get my D-R-I-N-K on from the buzz kill of a ride over.
I head over to the bar, and fortunately there isn't a line.
Champagne, I say! (Dudes, it's the mansion. I can't drink beer there ... oh yeah, and it's open bar. YAY LIFE!)
The bartender stops, and motions for the other bartenders to turn around.
WOW! You. Are. Beautiful. he says.
You have to be hands down the most beautiful girl here, the other bartenders smile all nodding in agreement.
I then get COMPLETELY frazzled and say uh, thank you?! AHHHH awkward, what to reply, what to reply, sound cool Friel - this is the Playboy Mansion, the mecca of the most BEAUTIFUL women in the world, and this guy is saying you're the fairest of them all. Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Take a few steps back he says - I want to see your whole outfit.
I then stand back, do a little twirl.
WOOOWWWW they all say in stereo.
Look at that face, good god, where did you come from? One of the other bartenders pipes up and says - you look like you'd be a naughty librarian too.
Librarians wear slutty black dresses and fuck me booties? I think - sure I'll go with this.
Actually, funny you say librarian - I do run a website for nerds.
Oh, I'm sure you do coos the bartender.
I thank them sincerely for the compliments as they hand me the champagne and say ... anytime.
AAHHHH!! I say with a little extra glee in my step. AHHH half naked women everywhere here, and just like that - the nerd comes out on top. ::jigga jigga jigga::
I then start a one person dance party walking around the mansion grounds. No, like literally - every step I took was a dance move of some sort, and somewhere around the third moonwalk, I wound up bumping into yet ANOTHER person I used to work with in movie marketing.
WHHHAATT!! I say touching her arm. It's Jen Friel.
Holy crap! She responds! How are you?
I'm amazing!!! Great to see you!
I then realize that at least she is half naked too so the awkwardness that should have been present from this interaction was immediately negated.
We caught up for a minute, and then I went back to my dancing.
HIGH-LARIOUS! I thought. I have definitely lived in this town for too long. TWO people I haven't seen in 5 years at the same party? Bananas!! BANANAS!! I SAY!!!
A monkey then appears out of the corner of my eye ... (he must have smelt the bananas) ...
DUDE! You're the monkey from the Bad Touch video, right?
He looks at me ... shocked.
YES! I am! You're the only person that got this!
RAAADDD!! I say! Awesome costume.
I then continued my solo dance party, and six electric slides later, I wound up at a tent with a fortune teller.
Fortune teller? Oh shit, this is going to be good.
I waited for my turn in line, and see a demure, cute woman dressed as a stereotypical fortune teller (creative).
Next up, she says.
I sit down.
Hello! She replies back mimicking my enthusiasm.
Don't tell me anything. Say your name and DOB to the cards, she says placing a deck of tarot cards in my hands.
HAHA this is going to be fucking good, I thought.
She then places some perfume on my hands, and then tells me to breathe.
I can't shuffle the cards. You're very tense right now. Take a deep breath.
Fine, I say, settling more into my buzz taking long deep breaths.
Much better she replies now shuffling the cards with ease.
She asks me to cut the cards as she then starts turning the deck over.
Wow. she repeats over and over with each card turn.
I say nothing, mostly because I was trying to stay calm (fortune tellers give me a bit of the heeby jeebs. I just don't buy it, man).
You're the creator she said.
You're doing INCREDIBLY well for yourself. Wow. wow. wow. she repeats.
I am not even kidding you, I couldn't even COUNT of all of the "wow"s and "omg"s that escaped this woman's mouth. She barely even said a word to me.
I don't worry about you. I just want to say congratulations and that you need a vacation soon.
I laugh. Yes, you're right.
This is going to be incredibly successful for you, but you're already successful - understand that. It's okay for you to enjoy it, it's not going to go away. You created this, you're the creator.
She kept saying that over and over, you're the creator - wow, this is powerful stuff here, she says looking at the spread.
She then turns over another card. There's a guy coming your way.
I laugh, thinking this is the only thing she's said so far that she got wrong.
No, I'm a professional dater. There are always guys, I went out on 103 dates in 9 months.
Yes, she says. I can see that, but you've been doing a lot of work on yourself, and it is about to pay off. Someone is coming into your life, and it is "going to knock you on your ass."
Interesting choice of words I thought. EVERY SINGLE GUY that I've ever dated has done the same thing to me - "knocked me on my ass."
He's here or is coming VERY soon, she said. You've done the work, and you continue to do it. Remember to enjoy, it is very important. You manifested this guy, and only you - be proud of yourself. It is VERY much deserved.
Thank you, I say.
She then asks if we can stay in touch. I get her email.
This was incredible, I say. You said nothing, and everything - I've never had a reading like this before. You're very good.
It's just in the cards, she said. Thank yourself, you created it.
I smile standing up as I walk away wondering, but which guy is she talking about?
<tangent> The ONE thing I can't talk about on this site in real time is when I actually find a guy I like. I'm actually dating a handful of guys right now, and they are all SOOOOO RAD!!! I had two great first dates this week, and one guy I've been dating for a few weeks now. Actually funny story with him ...
A few weeks back, my parents were flying celebrating their anniversary - and on the plane my mom picked up a Vanity Fair. She's flipping through the pages, and ran across this crowd that I had mentioned to her I had been dealing with.
Jen! She says to me on the phone, those people you were telling me about were just featured in Vanity Fair.
Yeah, I said mom, I know. Open the spread, the one on the FAAARRR left in the XXX shirt, I went out on a date with him on Sunday, and he's a pretty rad down to Earth dude.
WOW! She goes, he's HOT!
And just like that, my mom was able to open up a Vanity Fair and see the guy I had a great date with earlier in the week. Tell me that isn't the COOLEST THING EVER!!! Plus, my parents worry about me. They worried about me starting this business, and they REALLY worry about me dating wise. To be able to tell her to flip open a magazine to check out a guy I had a great date with was pretty much one of the coolest moments of my life. HANDS DOWN!!
So, the bottom line to this story was that by giving up casual sex, I very very very genuinely have been attracting different guys, and they're all rad in their own right, but I can't write about them since it gives the dudes too much of an upper hand and an unfair advantage. </tangent>
My thought process wasn't in, where is this magical duderino going to come from - but a more grounded approach of, rad! One of these things might actually work out! YIPPEE!!!
It was really weird too how much this woman picked up on. The fact that she mentioned how much work I have been putting into bettering myself ... this wasn't a typical, surface reading. This woman knew, and was VERY good. If anyone wants a reading hit me up, I'll give you her email addy. I think she's based here in LA.
So, that happened.
I then went back over to the bar with my favorite bartenders and filled up my champagne glass.
Before I could even get to the front of the line, one of them came around and handed me a glass of champagne.
Really? Really? Are you guys REALLY this amazing?
Thank you, I replied sincerely.
Oh no, thank ... you ... he said with a smile.
OMG I thought, I am having the GREATEST. NIGHT. EVER!!!
I then see the Bad Touch monkey reappear.
BAD TOUCH MONKEY!!! I scream!!
Honey Badger, he replies back.
No, I'm actually a red wolf, but thank you.
Here, he says - smile. I turn and someone is taking my picture ...
Hi, I'm Jen I say out stretching my hand.
Hello! I'm couch surfing Ori, he replies.
Wait wait wait, couch surfing Ori! I've heard of you!!
Yeah, he says, I'm a couch surfer/ adventurer.
OMG!!! People have been telling me for WEEKS we needed to meet. This is INSANE!!!
He then hands me his card.
Screw the card, I say - I'll lose it, gimme your twitter handle.
We then swapped twitter handles.
Dude, I bartered social media to live for a year launching my company. I traveled all over, people have been telling me that we needed to connect - I just kept forgetting. This is very literally the most INSANE thing ever.
That's life, he replied.
Alrite, I say. I have to get back to dancing, but I am going to tweet you. Remember me, k?
He smiled, oh - I'll remember you.
I then fox trot it off back to the dance floor and somewhere along the way I got stopped by a teenage mutant ninja turtle.
Hi! He says.
Well hello hero in a half shell, I reply. (BIG BIG BIG TMNT fan growing up!! Dudes, I SOOO wanted to be April!!!)
You're adorable, he said as he grabbed my arm assisting me the rest of the way to the dance floor.
I'm from Liverpool, he goes.
Amazing! The accent is hot I say. How long are you here for?
He then takes my phone, I want your number. Let's get into trouble later.
Okay! I say. (Again, pretty buzzed at this point, and me and trouble go together like mashed potatoes and jalapenos.)
I then give him my number, and use that as an out saying I have to use the restroom.
I look down at my phone and realize it is close to 1, and the parties at the mansion get shut down around 2, leaving the shuttle area to be a COMPLETE clusterfuck. I always always always leave early to never have a problem getting back.
I hop on the shuttle pretty proud of myself for a successful evening.
Fortune teller, amazing bartenders, new friends, seeing old ones, connecting with a guy I've been meaning to connect with. Kinda not mad at life.
The shuttle drops me back off in Century City, and my phone starts buzzing - it's one of my oldest friends, and he wants to make out.
OMMMGGG after being around half naked people all evening, ANNDD being sexually frustrated to begin with after giving up casual sex, I could TOTALLY go for an 8th grade make out session.
I tell him to be at my place in an hour, and one wrong direction city bus, plus a taxi cab driver ride refusal later - I did manage to get home (how I'm still not entirely sure), and my friend came over with a bottle of scotch and we proceeded to drink and make out like 8th graders.
So ... perfect.
Just what I needed, I thought.
We pass out in my bed, and a few hours later I am awoken by the BIGGEST headache I have had in recent memory.
Oh fuck my life.
I look over, my friend is gone - and the room won't stop spinning.
ROOM!! STOP SPINNING!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!!!
I fall back asleep, and a few hours later, still hungover, I realize the only thing that will cure this feeling is more drinking.
Cue one more round in my costume, and a Facebook places checkin at the Abbey here in West Hollywood.
... and drank away the pain I did.
Happy people, happy faces. DUDES!! The Abbey has the BEST. NACHOS. EVER!!
Amazing on so many levels of life-ness.
So, there you go! That was my weekend.
Now tonight, I am off to Meltdown Comics to appear on a podcast, you all are totes invited ...
I'm pretty excited.
Now, what do I do with the rest of this scotch??? HMMMMMMM!!!