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#NerdsUnite: Sexual Tension- How To Be The Guy Who “Gets It”

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Want To Be The Man Who Stands Out?

Want To Be One Of Those Naturals Who “Gets It”?

Want Major Dating Success To Come Your Way?

If so…here’s a phrase you need to become VERY familiar with – one that you’re even going to want to obsess a bit about. If this were Vegas, I’d be willing to throw a bit of cash at the fact that you are probably not very good at this vital technique. It single-handedly transformed my “game” from good to killer, once I understood it. Master this, and start throwing social “atom bombs” at very attractive women.


So what the %&$# am I talking about already?

Sexual Tension

This separates the men from the boys.

How Do I Create And Intensify Sexual Tension?

Well, there are plenty of ways to do it, but there is ONE way, one skill that is mandatory. Yes, body language is important, vocal tone is important, your level of relaxation is important, what you wear is important…

But much more than that, FLIRTING is your key to the riches of sexual tension.

How well do you flirt?
Well, if you don’t know, look at the results you’re getting from your interactions with women.


  • Are you set for a date this Saturday night?
  • Have you gotten laid in the last 30 days?
  • Have you met a new girl in the last week?
  • Do you have a girlfriend who you love, and who loves you?

If so, feel free to stop reading now, man.

But, if you’re like most guys out there, then you need to work on this skill. So, let’s get real and be serious about this for a moment… or, better yet, let’s NOT! Being too serious and trying to flirt is like C3PO trying to break dance.

Listen, I work with a lot of guys and I know that most of them feel pretty clueless when it comes to flirting. They either overdo it, and come off like a horse’s $&# or they don’t do it enough, failing to create any sexual tension AT ALL. These guys tend to live with the “nice guy” label, and have many female “friends” in their lives but little romance.

“Let’s Just Be Friends” is what they hear from women, not:

“Can I come over?”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“There’s this great party, and I’d like you to come with me – are you free?”

Do you hear those words from women?  Keep reading….

The first key to flirting is to RELAX. When you are uptight about a girl “liking you”, she will sense it and lose interest FAST. This is not rocket science here;  this is social dynamics (for real), and being relaxed is essential. If you feel this way, look her in the eye and imagine her snoring. I know it sounds strange, but when you see that pretty face of hers blaring out a loud snore while asleep, she tends to lose all the importance you have given her.

The idea I want you to get here is to realize that she is not deserving of your power, so why be freaked out in her presence?

Second, being flirtatious means being playful. There is a lot written up out there about the importance of being “cocky”. Frankly, this idea is played out. The guys I meet tell me the same thing over and over:

“Every time I get cocky with her, she loses interest in me.  I always come off like an ass!”

Yep. That’s why we don’t talk cocky here. The key is to be PLAYFUL. Teasing her is GREAT. Treat her like she’s the nerdy kid in high school. When she does something dumb, bust her on it. When you do this though, do it with a smile – be sure she knows you are teasing her. Otherwise, without the playful attitude, you will be categorized as a jerk.

Incidentally, NEVER make fun of her looks. Feel free to compliment her “look,” but never tease her about her genetic appearance. Tease and bust on her behavior only. This is where the fun happens.

The magic combination is to combine this playful attitude with being a gentleman. Open doors, pull out the chairs, offer your arm when going over the curb, help with her jacket…all of those chivalrous things…DO THEM. Feel free to be as nice and courteous to her as possible. But, be sure to mix that with teasing and a playful combination. Having this mixture allows you to be a gentleman. Without it, you become her “friend” and a “nice guy”. Yuck!

By revealing that you are considerate and fun, you become the big winner. It is the essence of what is called “push/pull”.

For now, just note that when you tease her, you subtly (psychologically) push her away. When you are considerate and chivalrous, you pull her towards you.  This creates TENSION. This tension is also known as  Sexual Tension. To flirt like a man means to be the master of tension. When to dial it up, when to slow it down, and when to drop it altogether.

It takes experience to master it, but focus on these principles and ride the fast track:

  1. Relax – nothing is more unattractive than an uptight guy; chill out and lower the stakes.
  2. Playful – tease her, poke fun at her, call her a “brat” and do it with a smile.
  3. Gentleman – Open doors, offer your hand, and make her feel special.
  4. Confidence – do all of the above with confidence, and you will help her feel comfortable and valuable, which makes you the big winner.
To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew! 



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    #NerdsUnite: Sexual Tension- How To Be The Guy Who “Gets It” - Home - Talk Nerdy To Me Lover

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