Ohhhh boy do I have a story for you guys ... a pretty wild one too. There were celebs, naked people, naked celebs, and a hooker giving a hand job with a bloody knuckle.
Couldn't make this up if I tried.
Alrite, so I got invited again this year to go to the Playboy Mansion.
It's my favorite party of the year as you not only have the open bar, and food - but they close down the tennis courts and turn them into the WILDEST haunted mansion you could imagine.
I had wanted to bring a date this year but rather go with some dude I was only mildly interested in, I decided to forge on going solo.
Fortunately, my buddy Heather was also going solo so she hit me up and we decided to kick it together.
I then put on my sexy sexy Maverick costume, and moments later piled into the car meeting Heather.
We then got over to the shuttle, got our wristbands, and away we went to the mansion.
I love love love Playboy parties btw. Not for the obvious glitz and glamour one might associate, but because of the love and respect the community shares. In LA women can be extremely catty at clubs, and the men are obviously all over you. At the mansion though, EVERYONE there is gorgeous and EVERYONE is there to have an AMAZING time - so there's none of the BS. It's life lived on an even playing field. And the men? They don't touch you!! It's GREAT!!!!
Heather and I then grabbed some drinks and toured the grounds.
We have to go into the haunted house before the line gets too long, I explained.
Great! She said.
We then met up with some guys on the way and walked over to the tennis courts.
This was our host ...
Gather round said our new creepy friend.
The group (about 4 of us in total) then walked into the house.
Who is the leader, asked the host?
JEN! Heather pointed.
The boys say nothing.
Aw, great, I think.
Sign your name on the wall, announced the host.
I took the pen signing my name above the devil.
I then lead the group through the haunted mansion.
It was ahhhhhh-mazing!! I gotz my freak freaked in every way!!
I went all Ned Flanders a few times and lost it. Wahoo!!
Either way, once we were out of the mansion we then went back to the bar to get a drink. On the way over, I saw a tarot card reader.
I got a really good reading here last year, I said to Heather. We should go!
YES!! She screamed.
I sat down first.
Give me your hand, she instructed.
You're very quiet, but a natural leader, she said.
Quiet? I started laughing. Methodical, maybe - but quiet no.
She then asks me to touch the cards.
How old are you? she asked.
27, I say.
I then pull the cards.
Career first, she says.
She begins flipping them one by one.
You are very successful, she said.
Yes, I replied back.
You run a business, you're the creator.
I smiled thinking funny, that's what the last reader said too (it wasn't the same lady).
You will always be successful but you need to remember to enjoy it and not work so hard.
Thank you, I said.
Now onto love, she said pulling out more cards.
Pick one, she instructed.
You're not going to be in a relationship for quite some time, she admitted.
I stared back at her blankly.
Tell me something I don't know.
You're lucky in business, and not lucky in love she said, but this works out in your favor.
Yes, I said. My business is based around dating.
Good, she said, you're good at it - but know you will be single for quite a while longer.
Fuck, I thought.
And you need to let someone go, she instructed.
I know, I said. He really hurt my heart.
All set, she then said. Congratulations on your business. Focus on growing it.
Thank you, I replied back.
I then went to grab a drink while Heather got her reading.
While standing at the bar, I looked around.
I have this amazing life, and the only people I can share it with are my readers. I'm blessed, so so so blessed to have created this existence, but why am I so fucking lonely? I've made TREMENDOUS effort in building out my intimate friendships, but dating wise - I'm always so far off base. I'm almost 28, I STILL haven't had a Valentine, and I've been single for the last 6 years. What in this sounds like fun??
I then stopped myself.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself, Friel. You're at one of the most exclusive parties in the world and do you have any idea how many people would KILL to be you right now?!?!
Thanks brain, I thought.
I then went back over to meet Heather handing her a drink.
Ready for the dance floor?
Absolutely, she said!!
We then walked onto the dance floor and the place was PACKED at this point.
Heather then looks over and spots a familiar face.
OMG, she said, that's the Hoff!! We have to go say hi!!!
Alrite, I said.
He's in VIP though, how are we going to get in?
We're going to walk in, I told her.
Follow my lead.
I then grabbed her hand and walked over to the roped off area.
Without even breaking a sweat I literally just walk past the security guard and into the VIP area.
See how easy that was? I said.
You're incredible, replied Heather.
Thank you, I said. Now let's get the picture!
VIP btw, is only just a state of mind. If you walk in like you're a boss no one will EVER question it. I can. not. stress. this. enough.
We then walked over to David who was posing for some photos.
Not now, I said sizing up the scene.
Okay, she said turning her back.
I turn back around myself, NOW WE GO I say as we stormed over to the Hoff.
Do you mind if we have a picture with you, I ask.
Sure! He says with a smile. Super super super nice guy.
We then left VIP and headed over to the back cabanas.
As we are walking up I spot Heidi and Spencer Pratt.
OH GOD!! OH GOD!! I thought, DOUCHE ALERT!!! I have no filter sober, I can't imagine what I'd say to those people after a couple of drinks.
Quick, I said, turning back around - let's go over here.
We then both sat down in one of the cabanas.
I KNOW YOU, shouts one of the guys inside the cabana.
Yes? I say assuming I am meeting one of you loverly people.
Jen Friel, you know my buddy so and so.
OOOHHHH shit! Yes, I said back excited.
Small world, I said. Of all the cabanas to randomly sit in. What's going on fucker?
We then shot the shit for a few moments before heading back to the dance floor.
I gotta use the restroom, I said to Heather.
Sure, she said as we walked back over to the bathroom by the grotto.
It's a one person stall, so after I was done I stood outside waiting for Heather.
I like your costume, I hear from behind me.
Thank you, I say as I turn around.
I then immediately realize who it is, and again, sans the filter blurt out, you're Kelsey Grammer! My parents love you!
Heather then came out of the bathroom.
Would you guys like a picture? she asks.
YES!!! I scream.
Thank you!! I say with a smile.
Super super super nice guy AND I can't BEGIN to tell you how cool it is to have photographic evidence of the moment you got hit on by an iconic character.
I may be sad about being single, but THAT made it 5% worth it!!
I had a shit eating grin on my face from ear to ear at that point, and as I took about 5 steps further, I spotted a blast from the past.
Oh shit, oh shit, I thought.
Remember the story of the mentalist? Well, there were two girls that were sleeping in the living room when I was living there - I now had in my eye sight one of the two girls.
FFUUUUCCKKKKK, I thought.
Deciding to be the bigger person, I approached her.
Hi, I say touching her arm.
OMG HEYYYYYYY!!! She replies excited.
How are you? I ask.
GREAT GREAT GREAT!! I can't believe it's been three years, she said.
How are things with you?
Fine, I said.
<tangent> Secretly though I was lying. I wasn't just fine ... I'm SPECFUCKINGTACULAR!! I just got hit on by Kelsey Grammer, I run a successful business, and I did all of this inspite of you trashy people.
Yes, I said trashy!!! (There's my Connecticut showing) </tangent>
Obvi you bond with someone when you have a really wild life experience like that, but this chick is not only an idiot she's a horrible, horrible human being. Like energy is always attracting and ANYONE that stays friends with someone who's so deplorable is equally as guilty.
I then introduce Heather.
We should hang out sometime, replied the girl.
I paused for a second and then blurted out NO, I don't want anything to do with any of you, I replied extremely candid.
We're going now, bye, I said.
What was that about, asked Heather?
She's a horrible human being I said. Life is too amazing and beautiful to spend time on people like that.
(I genuinely LOVE everyone btw but there are only 86,400 seconds in every day and I CHERISH every SECOND choosing to only spend time with people that don't suck. This chick fucking sucks.)
You handled that really well, she said.
Thank you. I was just honest.
We then walked back over to meet up with some of Heather's friends, and as we were doing so we bumped into one of the organizers who invited us to the after party.
Meet me at the Roosevelt, he instructed.
Perfect, I said also giving him my phone number.
We then went back to the dance floor and danceeeeddddd the night away.
Fun. I thought.
In that moment, I felt extremely blessed. I am living the stories I will one day tell my grandkids, I thought. Life is beautiful. Gratitude then swept over my body.
Amazing, I sighed.
Around 2 am things were definitely starting to wind down.
We partied for a bit in the grotto but after about a half hour (and one very wet costume later) we walked out towards the shuttle.
On the way out though, I spotted another familiar face.
It was Dev from Slumdog Millionaire, one of my FFAAAAVVVOOORRRIIITTTEEE movies!!!
Not only is the story so inspiring, but it's SO random. I am literally the most random person on this PLANET so I could relate so much to all of these seemingly unconnected moments in his life that wound up being the necessary ingredients for winning the game show.
Great, great movie!!!
I'm a really big fan, I say approaching Dev.
Thank you, he said with a smile.
We were all then JOLTED by security setting up a fence to control some of the moving traffic.
The security guard lets Dev go through, but his friend wasn't so lucky.
He goes with him, I SHOUT at the security guard.
He does nothing at first, so I shout again.
DUDE! Just let this one guy through, I said.
He then reopened the gate and Dev's friend walked in.
Come too, he then said.
Wow, I thought, alrite.
I grab Heather's hand and we then walk down the mansion drive way and over to one of the limos.
Dev's friend and I then strike up a conversation. SUPER sweet dude, but I was just genuinely wanting to make sure he wasn't going to be left by his friend as things are ALWAYS a clusterfuck at that hour.
See, nerds, being a genuine good person gets you SO far in life!! Just don't be an asshole!!!
We kicked it with Dev and his friend for about 20 minutes while waiting for the limo.
As one finally did pull up, we quickly realized they were going to be short a few seats.
We'll come back for you, the guys said. Can you please wait here?
Sure I said with a smile, but obvi quickly jumped into plan B mode of thinking, alrite now we have to get a shuttle.
As the limo pulled away one of the shuttles came down the drive way.
The door opened.
Get in here ladies, said the guy.
Well that was perfect, I said to Heather shocked.
I then got on the first shuttle going back to the mansion, and decided to stay to head over to the Roosevelt.
I'm not exactly sure why I thought going to the Roosevelt at 3 am was going to be a good idea, but in my not so sober head at that moment it seemed like a viable option.
By the time that I got over to the Roosevelt though logic started to seep in, and immediately after getting off the shuttle I grabbed a cab.
There are going to be a series of poor decisions made if I walk into that hotel.
Drugs and sex, I thought. My NUMBER ONE goal of the night was making sure that I woke up in my own apartment.
<tangent> It's kind of a funny on going joke, but I literally wake up in the most RANDOM places. I'm not exactly sure why, I'm only assuming my "say yes to everything" personality is just amplified when I'm drinking ... but I don't even have sex, I just genuinely wake up in random guest houses, and other scattered places. I need to write a post on a survival guide to that, btw. Anywho ... </tangent>
I then cabbed it back to my place and woke up a few hours later to a series of beeps on my phone.
Oh god, I thought.
Great meeting you!
Where are you?
They all said.
Knowing that I don't give my number out in general, I figured these dudes had to have been pretty legit. I started answering them back.
Great meeting you! I said one by one.
What are you doing this afternoon, replied one of the texts.
I want to grab brunch, I replied back.
Great! Come down to Venice. We can even try and go sailing.
Amazing! I said genuinely not knowing who or what I was saying yes to.
I then popped on twitter and saw a tweet from Dev's friend.
Where were you, said the tweet? We came looking for you!!
I started laughing. Wow, they actually did come back! That was very nice of them.
I then got ready to head over to Venice.
On the way over on the bus I got hit up by one of the dudes who works over at Space X.
We're going to be celebrating a big win today if you're around Venice, said the tweet.
Funny, I thought, I'm actually on my way over there now.
Great! He tweeted back.
Well, now I have two things to do in Venice.
I then get off the bus and walk into the loft of my Playboy friend.
HI, he says opening the door.
Ah, it's you! I thought. (the after party organizer) I liked this dude.
He then handed me a margarita and we began piecing together the evening.
What happened at the Roosevelt, I asked?
YO! He said really excited, let me tell you this story.
So, my buddy last night got a hand job from a hooker with bloody knuckles. She GOT the bloody knuckles from punching her husband who was making fun of her boyfriend.
WHAT?! I replied back.
Yeah, it was wild.
His three other friends then chimed in with some of their stories ...
You haven't done LA until you've done anal, replied one of the girls.
People think Vegas is wild (where the girls were from), you guys here in LA have US beat.
I started laughing.
We then grabbed drinks over at the Whaler and kicked it on Venice Beach for the day.
Around 6 everything wrapped and I then headed over to meet my Space X friend.
I laughed on the bus ride back at the randomness of everything that was the last 24 hours. How is this real life, I thought? I went from partying at the playboy mansion to talking about anal sex and hooker hand jobs, to kicking it with some of the most GENIUS minds (literal rocket scientists) ... this is my life, I thought. I'm only here to just enjoy the ride.
ANNNNNDDDD there you have it! That was my weekend.
Up next, I am going to the director of Hellraiser's house for Halloween. I'm pretty stoked, it sounds like it's going to be an epic party!!
Yay life and yay adventure!!!
Keep on keeping on, and I'm keeping all of you on the east coast in my prayers.