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Fun with #OkCupid: My date with a 94% enemy

Oh goodness gracious, what a night. Hold on, I need a song to go with the post. I promise, no Nickelback ... 

So, after I conducted the 103 dates in 9 months, I swore up, down, left, and right to how good the OKC algorithm is at matching people but that chemistry and those "butterflies" can only truly come from when you meet someone who has a quality that you resonate with. I went out with 103 people (one female), out of that I had 11 second dates, 6 guys I slept with, and 4 that I wanted more from. Of those 4, I wound up picking the ONLY 4 that were emotionally unavailable. What in me resonated with that quality in a person? Albeit, the speed in which I picked up on said emotional unavailability did grow over time. The first guy took me two weeks, second guy took me a week, third guy took me two dates, fourth guy I spotted immediately on the first date. 

I had a compatibility prerequisite that I never published (85% match or more), and I've since been asked how good can the algorithm be if I'm still single? 

That's the thing though, dating has less to do with the other person and more to do with you and what qualities you are attracted to in a person. I now have a modern day shaman who is guiding me through my own issues as to not keep repeating history - but I'm doing a lot of self work now (hence why I also haven't been publishing as much of my dating life as in real time anymore)

Clearly if you've dated half of Los Angeles over the last two years and you're still single - there's something funky going on in that noggin. 

I'm ferociously analytical, fiercely passionate about this site - and adore meeting new people. 

One thing I had yet to do though with my time spent on OKC was to go out on a date with anyone less than about 80%. Mostly just out of my own lack of interest in even wasting my time with someone that I was so off with on core principles, but like any good scientist you have to measure out all of the variables. How could I with 100% conviction swear by the algorithm if I had yet to test the enemy percentage as well as the match. 

On Friday, I was on my way to kick it with a good friend - and as I was sitting at the bus stop I checked OKC and I saw this message ...


I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE writers!! Like, writers make me weak in the KNEES!!! 

I checked his profile, dug his pics - and then noticed just how UNBELIEVABLY mismatched we were ...

ZERO percent friend and 94% enemy. 

Wow. Wow. Wow. 

Instead of ignoring the message I decided now was as good of a time as any to test the algorithm. Who knows, maybe my ENTIRE approach was wrong and maybe opposites do attract! 

I was intrigued and excited ... he included his name and phone number in the email so I sent him a quick text. 

He got right back to me and we planned to meet up at the Roger Room at 7 yesterday. 

Waking up yesterday morning, however, I got a text saying the following ... (stupid screen capture isn't working. I hate you droid charge!!) 

Him: Just to clarify, I am actually on the site for dating not to be a test subject or column fodder. :) capiche? 

Me: Im a writer so nothing in my life is ever off limits. I dont name names and no longer document datng in real time.

Him: Fair enough

Me: Still good to go?

Him: Yes, just leave the webcam at home. 

I then hopped on the bus and headed over to the Roger Room later that evening. The bus was a little late so I started to text him saying that I was going to be about 10 mins behind, and as I was doing so he was already texting me indicating that he as well was running late. 

Score one point for courtesy.

This might not be so bad afterall, I thought. 

I then get to the Roger Room and sit at the bar ordering a Bellinni. (Which was so stupid since I hadn't had dinner and champagne goes straight to your head.) 

After sitting for another 10 minutes alone he hit the "20 minute late mark" which means you have now granted me full right to live tweet about my experience ... 


He then arrived, so I put my droid away. 

We sat in a little nook in the back and began talking. 

I get asked all the time about how exhausting it must be to date so much, as there are only so many "getting to know you questions" but I always explain to people that because of what I do as a lifecaster and because of the online dating medium in general being so transparent, you pretty much already know those things about the person so you can move onto the meat of the convo. 

This has been the case with my matches 80% or higher. With a 94% enemy, I felt like I was on a job interview. 





Parents still together?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

The conversation just felt so stunted and unnatural. I was SO FREAKING OPEN but kept feeling like I was pulling things out of him, and since I'm naturally not an inquisitive person, it was just ... weird. 

We didn't have anything really in common, outside of writing - and he didn't really get out of his shell until we started to talk about movies (his interest)

I then finished my drink, ordered another (it feels like bad form to just grab one SINGLE drink with someone), and continued to talk about movies since it was such a passion of his. 

Then, I made the mistake of asking the one question you should never ask a movie lover ... 

Me: So, what's your favorite movie? 

Quickly realizing I committed a movie mortal sin, I backpedaled and said - no, wait, top 5. 

Him: How could I ever choose a favorite, or 5?

Oh dear god, I thought ... quiet Friel ... just stay calm and it will all be over soon.

I sipped my drink giving me something to do while he started rattling off his favorite movies based on each genre since you could never compare the awesomeness of You've Got Mail to Citizen Kane (true story, those were both on his list).  

Then after the second drink was over I mentioned that I was going to meet up with my friend (which was the honest truth, hence why we were meeting so early in the first place), he walked me out even offering to give me a ride to the next bar (since I had told him that I take public transportation). I thanked him profusely but explained that I live life with the "journey is the destination" mentality and I never know what I could get into along the way. 

He smiled, and thanked me for my time and hoped to see me again.

I genuinely liked the guy - he's great, I'm totes not mad at it, but he made me appreciate SO MUCH the algorithm and how FREAKING IMPORTANT it is at dating someone with the same general approach to life as yourself; the conversation flows soooooooo much better and easier. 

Many blessings to my 94% enemy. Again, he's a great guy, but not for me. 

Well done, OKC. Well done. 


Are you on OKC? Me too! Send me a message!

References (13)

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Reader Comments (3)

The date DID make for an interesting post!! :D

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAl

Hi Jen, Stumbled on your blog online , Love it ! Probably gone on around 200 dates in 2 years (London) I now wish I had now made a spreadsheet of my results . Still single something gives .. I can relate , dating these days should happen with a feedback form .

July 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPetrus1978

I wonder if this experience wasn't in part a case of a self-fulfilling prophecy. A nocebo if you want. Of course 1 test with someone with a high enemy score isn't enough to show that the algorithm works or not.

February 26, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRandoom Internet Guy

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