I literally had one of the most AWKWARD experiences of my life last night. And coming from being such a fucking loner growing up ... I assure you, there were a LOT of experiences to pull from. I not only wound up walking over 2 miles home from the bar, but I also sat outside a McDonalds crying at 3am.
It. Was. Horrible.
First up ... here's the song that goes with the post ...
So, I meet up with everyone all the time ... always. #NerdsUnite isn't just our official hashtag for Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover - it's my life ... my thing!!! I adore meeting as many of you as I can and getting to kick it for a bit.
I got an email from a duderino laasssttt week? Yeah, last week saying he just discovered the site and was hooked. yada yada ... I then suggested that we meet up. We grabbed a beer, shit was pretty kosher - I made it pretty clear it wasn't a date, but whatevs.
I then get this email ... (exerpt)
Greatest email ever, right?
All I did was talk to the dude, and be my normal unfiltered self. I sent him a quick note back saying it was just as mutually beneficial - and then put the rest out of my mind.
THEENNNNN a few hours later, he asks for an address he can send me a package to. Okay, not too abnormal, I get that request a lot. I then hooked him up with my friend's addy and low and behold a few hours later she called me telling me that THESE had been delivered ...
Two dozen white, long stem, thornless, roses.
Now, normally any chick that gets flowers is over the MOON!! This wasn't really an exception, but it created a pretty awkward moment between the guy I am dating who just happened to also spend the night when these got delivered.
We were cooking quesadillas in the kitchen and there ... in the MIDDLE of the fucking room were these MASSIVE white, thornless, long stem roses.
He didn't say anything about it, and honestly that only made it more awkward. I explained to him it was from a friend of the site, but DUDES. DO. NOT. EVER. WANT. THEIR. CHICK. GETTING. SHIT. FROM. ANOTHER. DUDE. Men practically pee on their women claiming territory, and while this guy and I are just dating, nothing official, it made the entire thing fucking weird.
I loathe the weird.
I sent him a lovely note back thanking him for the flowers, they were incredibly generous - and then I get email after email after email from the dude talking about his journey, and life ... he was asking me for guidance and I was like dude, I don't have the answers I only ask the questions. You need a shaman.
I then hooked him up with my shaman @realityadjacent and just went about my life, not answering the emails out of genuinely being too busy and understanding that he is clinging because he is scared. I've totally been there too.
So, whatevs ... I went about my week doing my thing, then last night I grabbed margaritas with my blog crush @dearphotograph ...
and afterwards had a girls night with my buddy Lindsay at Saddle Ranch. (Sorry, TJ!! Chicks no dicks!)
We were kicking it for a bit with this overly touchy random dude who ALSO bought us both flowers ...
Is this going to be a thing now?
Lindsay and I chill for a bit talking to a bunch of randoms - then somewhere around finishing my beer I get an email from the flower dude. He asks something along the lines of where are you, or what's going down? I'm GENUINELY the friendliest person on the planet, so I read that, and in particular in that state, replied back that we were at Saddle Ranch and he should come by.
Again, did I want to date this dude ... no. I'm seeing someone. Was I interested in hanging out with him? Sure. I might get a story out of this, which I'm never mad at.
He then shows up a bit later, and Lindsay at that point had to take off because she had to be on set in the morning.
I stayed and talked to the dude for a bit, but was definitely feeling the booze. Last call then kicked in and the lights came up; the flower dude then turns and tells me that he has a present for me.
A present? Para mi? Y por que?
I was kinda confused but just thought I was going to go with it.
We then go over to his car and he hands me this super fancy pants bag with a little box inside.
What is it? I said.
You don't know who this is?
I look down at the bag and it says David Yurman.
No, I say. What's David Yurman?
Has no guy ever bought you jewelry?
Um, no. I'm one, not the biggest fan of it, and two, the only pieces I wear are all family pieces and mostly vintage or diamonds.
I then pull the box out, and can't even open it.
This is so cute, you've never heard of David Yurman and you don't even know how to open his boxes. (i feel like theres a joke in there)
I then stare at him confused. At this point I don't know where this is going, but it's fucking AWKWARD.
He opens the box for me and shows me this ABSOLUTELY STUNNING ruby and diamond necklace. It was some rare ruby since the color was kinda pink, and it was shaped almost like a dog tag. It was SSSSTTUNNNIINNNNNNGGG and totally my taste.
I stare at him, confused.
I don't get it, why are you giving this to me, I say.
I want to thank you for everything - this is too generous. Like WAY too generous.
He then fixes my hair and I grab the necklace from him putting it on.
He then tells me the story of the necklace - something to do with friendship ... I don't know at this point I just felt SO FREAKING CONFUSED as to what was happening, and WHHYYY this guy was giving me something like this in the first place.
He then says something to me, that I genuinely found insulting - and with that insult LOGIC fucking kicked in on OVVEERRRDRRIIVVEEEE and I think GET. OUT. OF. THIS. CAR. NOW. JEN.
I quickly take the necklace off, and slam the door. The insult wasn't even that big of a deal, he was definitely a dick for saying it (and I shan't repeat), but it was more the entire situation. I don't know this guy. He's a friend of the site, yes, but I only got a super small tanzanite necklace once from Noah for my birthday. I've never ... EVER received jewelry from ANYONE outside of my family, and this entire thing felt weird.
Did I like the necklace? Absofuckinglutely!! It's INCREDIBLY stunning. But if I kept it, I'd be selling out on what I believed in and in who I was. I knew I wasn't going to pursue anything with this guy - I'M FUCKING DATING SOMEONE - so how was I going to explain the necklace next time I kick it with the dude that I like.
Corporate sponsorship from David fucking Yurman? Yeah, right.
I then left the car and proceeded to walk home ... over two miles .... in the freezing fucking cold (last night was SUPER windy in LA) ... and by the time I hit McDonalds, I just started crying hysterically. I've now stopped dating half of Los Angeles, and yet I'm at the OTHER extreme end of dating?? No sex, no even TRUE date, and I'm getting roses and expensive necklaces???
I couldn't stop crying - like I was absolutely hysterical. I know I'm not special, only awesome with all these weird experiences, but even for me ... this was hands down one of the most awkward moments of my life. Did he GENUINELY think I could be bought?
When I got home I immediately created a filter on my gmail for all of his emails sending all communication immediately into the trash and threw away the flowers.
Congratulations, dude if your intention was to make this site ... you did.
You will now be known as the dude that tried to buy my affection. I genuinely wish you well, but contact me again and I will get a restraining order.