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<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>

 

 

 

 

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Sunday
Jun102012

#OpenLetter: To all the guys I will date in the future ... 

Looky looky the email I got last night ...

 

Thank you for this, and thanks for reaching out - but I did speak my truth.

(here is the post that this email is referencing btw)

Immediately after receiving that text I let him know that I had to tell him how I felt and that I was truly disappointed. It had less to do with just the dinner and more to do with this special time that I thought we were ready to spend together based on us dating so much. The whole thing was just shit - but what really got me though is the fact that after I posted on it, we then talked on the phone, and he said that he had no idea what I did for a living. He KNEW I ran the website obvi, but he said he never thought he'd be the subject of a blog post.

I then scratched my head and got LIVID. Have you not been listening to anything that came out of my mouth for the last month and some change that we were dating?? I was EXTREMELY transparent with this guy from TEXT ONE!!! I even have evidence!!! In our VERY first text exchange I explain to him that I am a lifecaster and he goes I am what a coincidence I am a lifecatcher.

I then directed him to the website and told him to check out anything he wants to know about me there. He considered it cheating (which I get), but because he had yet to check out the site at ALL he genuinely had no idea what he was getting himself into.

Totally get it ... still really liked the guy and wish him well ... great, great, guy all around ... but this is bullshit.

I live and die for this website. It is my passion, it is my life's work, and being transparent isn't an excuse to share mundane details on "what you had for breakfast" ... for me it is extremely spiritual. I've been keeping journals all of my life but by publishing my inner most thoughts it holds me accountable for my actions, for my state of consciousness, and keeps a track record of my personal growth while at the same time inspiring others to do the same. Dudes, the emails I wake up to every. single. morning. blow me away!! Here I am always feeling so isolated with my weird and wonky thoughts but low and behold - boom! I'm not special only awesome and other people feel the same way. 

IT'S THE GREATEST THING EVER .... but obviously not for everyone. 

So I can move forward in a more efficient manner with guys in the future I would like to take said transparency to another level and LITERALLY come with a disclaimer for all future guys I will date.

Here you go ...

1) I lead a very very very public life. I am hands down one of the most google-able people on the net, and at any point in time you can read what I am thinking on my twitter page, see where I am on Foursquare, or flip through my past on Facebook.

With that public life comes a loss of anonymity. Even if I don't write about a date, or even if I haven't checked in where we are on Foursquare .... if we are in a bar in LA someone will probably come up and say something about reading the site. This doesn't mean that I want to sleep with the guy or girl, it is all part of what I do and all part of the experience I create for people with this brand.

2) If you are in my life, I will most likely write about you. I am extremely devoted to what I do; I no longer document dates in real time, but yes, at some point during our courtship I will be giving you a nickname and I will be writing out our story. I use a lot of "I's and me's" as I will never, ever, speak for you - but please understand that again, I document experiences in dating. As a side note, if we do end up getting into a serious relationship I will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS give you a heads up that I am posting on something we shared to check with you that it is okay to then share that with the audience. I currently do this with my family, and have had no problem ... same courtesy will be extended.

3) Until we are in a committed relationship I will continue to date other people. I FIRMLY believe that until you are in a serious and committed relationship with someone, you absolutely absolutely absolutely have to keep dating other people. There is something energetic that happens, but when a chickadee is really into a guy her number one job is to keep seeing other guys to not mess it all up. It's obvi not an exact science but has proven to be really true based on what I've learned in the field. Even if we are dating, and even if I am REALLY into you, I have to have to have to keep dating until we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I will of COURSE expect you to be doing the same - so please don't assume this is only one sided.

As a side note, if we are sleeping together though please know that you are the only person I am sleeping with. I gave up all forms of casual sex last year and while I can't ask you to exactly do the same just please bear in mind that that is my baseline.

4) I am a very curious person. Speaking of sex, I am an EXTREMELY curious person and enjoy exploring human nature in it's rawest form. Said curiosity has lead me to places like sex and fetish clubs. Sometimes I do these things strictly for work so I can understand people better (which comes in handy because I am a trend spotter and predicting patterns from people is my life's blood). I have not, and will not EVER cheat on someone.

Period end of sentence.

If we are in a relationship I will not kiss other people, have other people touch me in any sexual manner (without your permission), and even being at these clubs and in these environments my clothing will absolutely absolutely absolutely always stay on.

** Bonus points however will be given out to the guy that wants to explore these places with me. **

These are all of my bottom lines. If you'd like to continue dating me at this point, rad!! Let's keep it rockin!! If not, totally get that this lifestyle choice is not for everyone, please kindly drop me a text or call and let me know.

#thatisall

 


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Reader Comments (1)

I wouldn't trust anyone who wanted to take things slow. I'm serious. I don't trust girls who say they want to be "friends first," because it says they're just not attracted enough to act like an animal—because we all are, let's be real—and embrace something electrifying.

Taking it slowly basically means non-committal and practically casual. They want to go through the motions of courtship because it feels good—receiving gifts, going on dates, etc.—but not because they're wild about you. I'm too old to invest in someone who doesn't want to rip my clothes off.

Fuck. That.

@moids

June 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMoids

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