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<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>

 

 

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Wednesday
Jun132012

#YayLife: I now have tangible evidence that I am no longer emotionally unavailable

So, I'm currently in Florida as we speak. Say hello to the ultimate couch surfing ...

 

My parental units live in this BEAU-tiful condo on the beach, and I'm down here now to surprise my dad for Father's day.

Best. Surprise. Ever. My dad is impossible to surprise and we got him good!! =)

(Shot, and uploaded straight from the iPhone. The uploading options are literally idiot proof and super fast. Well done Apple!)

<tangent> My dad thought he was picking my mom's friend Patty up at the airport but low and behold I walked out. It took us a month to get everything together, but it was hilarious, my dad was the one that offered to my mom - "I can pick up your friend, sweetie." mwahahaha the nice fool that he is.

How cute are my parents btw ...

 

</tangent>

Anywho, so on Friday I got blown off for the last time by the duderino I was dating. We weren't officially bf/gf but we had been dating for a month and a half and were pretty into each other.

That is until he saw my response to getting blown off again via the published on Facebook text message.

He was ... let's say not happy.

I then explained to him that I had been EXTREMELYYYYY transparent with him from TEXT ONE - outlining EVERYTHING that I did for a living and my discussion of social psychology and social dynamics through first hand experiences.

ONE AND A HALF MONTHS of dating and literally everything I said went in one ear and out the other referencing this site. I was literally dumbfounded at how little he got that I did.

His exact words to me on the phone on Friday night were something along the lines of, people have blogs - but this is REALLY different.

Either way, Saturday and Sunday I had my fun (even got to kick it with one of my fav VJs for brunch on Sunday), but on Monday afternoon to my surprise, I got a text from him ...

My iPhone didn't time stamp it - but I stared at the "I want to take you" for a solid 20 minutes without responding. My impulse was telling me HELL THE FUCK NO since our last conversation regarding my lifestyle ended so poorly - however, the "say yes to everything" Jen that is trying to break all of her old impulses told me that I should explore the space and see what he had to say.

I then sent the "that's very nice of you ..." response.

It genuinely was extremely nice of him. He's SUCH a great guy it's not even funny.

So, this was at like 3pm (my time stamp says 6 but it's only because I'm on the east coast right now), so it sucked because for the REST OF THE DAY I had HARDCORE anxiety over what he wanted to talk to me about.

Taking someone to the airport is such a boyfriend/girlfriend thing ... I can't date this guy, nor do I want to at this point having been blown off twice. If this is his "courtship" what the hell is dating going to be like when he's off of being on his "best behavior?"

Why else could he want to take me to the airport though?

I had no idea, but I was extremely curious.

At 10 pm he picked me up. See, my flight wasn't until 6 but having a flight that early means getting picked up by Super Shuttle by 3:30 am and at that point I can't justify sleeping - so I decided to instead just take the city bus, get there before midnight, cop a squat in the airport for the night and get my "full night sleep" a few hours later on my cross country flight. 

(Here's how to do it safely btw)

The guy giving me a ride definitely made things a bit easier for me, but I was still spooked.

He then texts me at 10pm that he is "here."

I gave my roomie a hug as I was literally shaking walking downstairs.

I had NOOOOOOOO idea what this guy wanted from me. Was he going to say he had rethought my lifestyle and was willing to accept it?

Would I even want to date him at that point? Getting blown off twice is super douchey.

But then again I did feel butterflies for this guy and statistically speaking that in and of itself has a ratio of less than 1/10 guys.

Bah.

Bah.

Bah.

I place my backpack in his car, and sit in the passenger seat. No kiss hello, no hug - just my normal excited HELLO, Jen voice.

We make it down to the end of my street and I decide to cut through the bullshit and ask what was up.

Did you rethink things? Why am I here right now?

What do you mean? he asks shutting off the radio. I didn't think we were going to go into this after our discussion Friday.

I then stare back at him, he said that so cold.

Wait, please don't think I want to discuss this more either - I could not be more done over everything, but why else am I here? I ask SO GENUINELY confused.

I wanted to make sure you had a ride. I don't just want people out of my life when I care about them.

I know, I said, I'm the same way - but you have to give someone more than 48 hours to come to this conclusion. I need you to go away for a bit before I see you again.

I understand, he lamented.

I seriously WISH I had cameras in the car documenting our discussion. It was so non-emotional, and matter of fact ... this is what happens when you date a guy in finance.

I wanted to thank you though, because of our discussion on Friday I do genuinely have a disclaimer on the site now for all guys that are interested in dating me. This way they don't have to read every day what's going on, or know even 5% of the past - but in black and white (and even bolded if it's too much for them to read) they can see all of my bottom lines.

He laughed, that's great.

Our conversation lasted maybe ... 10 minutes? Less?

The drive to the airport from Hollywood is about 35 minutes. I had to then sit and make "small talk" for 25 minutes.

Most. Awkward. Small. Talk. Ever.

At the end of the day I really really liked this guy, so of COURSE I would eventually like to still keep talking to him, but the chick in the here and the now that is sitting indian style in his car wants nothing more than to just BOLT.

We then got to the airport and he got out of the car and gave me a hug.

It was so adult, and that is something I am so not.

I give this guy a lot of credit, it was incredibly sweet of him to still offer to give me the ride, but I'm also not a charity case. Yes, I take the city bus everywhere but it is because of WHO I AM and the adventures and stories that I get from it ... I felt like this was just yet another instance of us genuinely not being compatible. (This is what happens when you date a guy who texted you via the wrong number vs an OKCupid algorithm.)

I then got through security and thought about the lessons I learned from this guy:

1) I was extremely grateful that no matter what he allowed me to have an understanding of what it is like for guys looking into my life and my lifestyle; I have a feeling that disclaimer is going to be very handy in the future- which in theory will allow the dating process to move along smoother. IN THEORY

2) Congratulations!! You, Jen Friel, are no longer emotionally unavailable.

Do you have any idea how HUUGGGEEE that is?? This guy was SUCH a romantic and SUCH a great guy the fact that I felt butterflies with someone like that is HUGE HUGE HUGE and leaps and bounds from where I was last year with the 103 dates in 9 months.

HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGER THAN HUGE and a direct result of my work with the Modern Day Shaman @realityadjacent!!!

This guy and I from start to finish could not have been more different. He's in finance and didn't even want to get on Facebook until VERY recently. He is EXTREMELY private and what this told me is that dating a Taurus in finance prolly isn't a good idea for a Sagittarius lifecaster.

So, what's next?

No clue. I'm genuinely curious to explore the tech space actually. I've been hesitant about dating guys in the tech world because two entrepreneurs = no free time, and a WHOLE LOTTA STRESS ... but who knows, maybe if done right something great can come of it.

If anyone knows of any good mixers in Santa Monica or Venice in the next month hit me up!! I'm ready for you Silicone Beach!! =)

#nerdsunite

 

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