<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>
"Love always finds you when you're not looking for it."
"People want what they can't have."
"A bush in the bed is worth two in the bar."
These are sayings. Well, the first two are sayings and the third thing is something I just made up but then I also think that it has relevance when it comes to people having more luck with the opposite sex when they're in a relationship. People are more attracted to the less attainable and sometimes that lack of attainability is related to a person’s relationship status and other times its related to the "les affaires attitude" of a person that truly does not care if you are into them or not. Desperation is not attractive.
I am rapidly approaching the age of thirty as a single man. Maybe at certain points in my life this would have bothered me, but as of today I do not care, but I think that there's a catch when people say "don't look for it" or "just stop caring so much." What exactly is a person supposed to do with that advice? What if a person's favorite band was Aerosmith and then you just said to them one day, "Man, if you really like Aerosmith, stop liking Aerosmith."? How exactly is a person supposed to handle that advice and what benefit does it have to them? You can't fake a lack of care or a les affaires attitude just like you can't fake confidence.
You can't have confidence unless you are confident. A person that is told "you need to be more confident" doesn't just wake up the next day and say "That's it! Today is the day that I will start to become more secure with myself!" You just have to be more secure with yourself. There is no faking it, there is only being it and if you are faking it, your efforts to try and be more confident will reek like a $12 cologne by Ray-J.
The same goes for not trying and not caring. Something has to push you to that point or pull you away from where you were before. I guess what has pushed me to this point would be something called "hitting rock bottom" but I don't think that's a bad thing or a desperation thing. It's a "Why am I exhausting myself over this?" kind of thing.
I went into 2012 with expectations that this would be a banner year in the love department and got off to a great start, having met three interesting and diverse women one right after another. High hopes turned to low blows one right after the other. I got punched in the gut with Manny Pacquiao force but somehow did not win the fight. I kept battling though and used these experiences as life lessons that would help me in the future but then I hit a dry spell of boredom and false hope worse than season two of The Killing. The last girl that I "dated" was the straw that broke the giants back, and this Fezzek crawled back into his cave. What's a brother got to do to get a peanut?
But rather than crawl and sulk or crawl and be angry at a vengeful God, I just crawled and said "whatever." I'm just at a point where I can focus on other things and instead use this opportunity to do some things on OkCupid that are experimental or make me laugh. My recent overhaul of my profile did just that
Rather than write about how awesome I am or write about my dreams, passions, and goals, I decided to write the worst profile ever. I described myself in the most unflattering light I could possibly think of. Under "What's the first thing people notice about you?" I wrote: "Probably that I smell because I'm always pooping my pants."
That's funny to me.
On OKCupid Locals, I am starting to set my Broadcasts in the same vein. Last night I broadcasted this message: "I have never had sex. Is it true that it's almost as good as Game of Thrones?" and also: "Good news! I'm infertile."
Now I ask you, what do you think has changed in responses to my profile since I turned it from a serious one of a guy tryin' to get a peanut into a complete joke of absurdity and laughability without revealing anything true about myself? Do you think that it is a turnoff? Do you think I get blocked all of the time? Actually, without sending out a single message in the last two weeks, without putting any effort into it, and with only having a single picture up, I've had more activity, messages, "four or five star ratings" and "Someone wants to meet you!" than I had in the last three months combined.
Do people want to get to know the real you online or do they just want a laugh? Do they want to see the person you actually are or are we all just having a bit of fun? I'm certain that it's probably a combination of both but I can't help but be shocked that this is what it really takes for me. To remove care and replace it with having a bit of fun for my own amusement because it wasn't me faking it. It was me honestly not giving a shit what you think about me or whether or not you want to meet. I'm just as happy doing my own thing and living my own life without another person right now.
Is it fair to reward a les affaires attitude? Would you promote the person at work that cared the least? Do you want to be with a person that wants you or one that does not? These are all questions that I might have struggled with at some point but that point is in the past. Because honestly... I just don't care what the answer is anymore. I'm just going with it.
and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!