#WTF: About last night ... can I get a rundown? (After 103 dates in 9 months - I've finally been stood up)
Yep. It happened.
After going out on over 103 dates in 9 months between 2010 and the spring of 2011 plus the 2 dates a week I've averaged since ... my estimated calculation places me somewhere around the 250 mark date wise and up until last night I had actually never had anyone cancel on me or not show up ... ever!!
It had to happen eventually, obvi - but I didn't expect to feel so humiliated in the process. Dudes, getting stood up really really really sucks.
Here's the song that goes with the post ...
Ugh, I'm shaking right now I'm so livid at the way this guy has handled himself. Some people just make my job SO FREAKING EASY!!! He not only outed himself, but insulted my friends. He GENUINELY sucks at life!!!!!!!!
Alrite, so earlier in the week I got hit up on Facebook and OKC from this duderino in Florida asking if he could take me out.
Here is the actual exchange ...
All was fine and dandy I heart Dillons ... $3 beers and it's a pub. Mama likes.
Either way, all was good but this week I've been particularly stressed on a personal and professional level. I just started helping out over at @ioLA and getting into the groove of having everything thrown at you is always a bit jarring, not counting the fact that on a personal level I had a family member OD this week. I've been INCREDIBLY transparent that I'm not in the best headspace, but I'm compartmentalizing and doing the best that I can. Also, my word being my honor it wasn't like I was going to cancel on the guy just because I was feeling a little out of it. Life happens when you're busy making other plans - above everything else you have to ALWAYS pick yourself up and get shit done.
I left work at 5:45 and walked all the way down Hollywood blvd from La Brea to Vine dodging the characters at Grauman's and even the Scientologists by Cahuenga. (Dudes, they TOTALLY need to make a video game out of that stretch of LA. It's high-larious trying to walk through there. So many tourists and SHINY THINGS!!!)
After narrowly escaping an uberly suggestive Zorro, I got to Dillons about 10 minutes late.
I looked around the bar and didn't see him.
I genuinely forgot to get his number, so I instead messaged him on Facebook letting him know that I was here.
My gut at that point btw wasn't feeling all that good. I'm absolutely NEVER late for a date, but I've also never had a guy be that late and not message me saying he was on his way.
I then decided to sit down at the bar leaving a seat next to me for my date.
Within seconds a guy came up to me and asked if he could sit down.
No, I politely say. I'm actually waiting for someone.
The bartender then approaches asking if she can get me anything to drink.
No, I politely say. I'm actually waiting for someone.
5 more minutes go by and another guy asks if he can sit down next to me.
No, I politely say. I'm actually waiting for someone.
By the time the second guy made his second lap around the bar, I realized my date was now almost 20 minutes late and without a message, tweet, or OKC broadcast - I turned and invited the guy to sit down next to me.
My date isn't here yet, but you're more than welcome to sit here until he arrives, I said with a smile.
He then sits down ...
I'm Charlie, he said with a slight accent.
Hi, I'm Jen. Pleasure to meet you.
So, your date stood you up? he asks.
I'm not sure, I say. I'm obviously assuming at this point since he's almost a half hour late without a mesasge, but I just kind of go with the flow.
How did you meet this guy?
Through my site online.
Wait, you're meeting someone from the internet? he asks shocked.
Where are you from? I say.
AHHHHH, yes. That makes sense.
Sigh, I think to myself. I heart mid-western boys.
I then stare at him though and realize I am DEFINITELY his elder.
How old are you, I ask?
Oh jesus. I think.
We then start talking about why he came out to LA and what he's going to be doing out here. He explained to me that he's a filmmaker and after being here only a week he was about as fresh off the boat as possible.
Dude, this is the GREATEST time to be in LA right now, btw. The tables have turned and you don't need the money or connections that you used to need out here. If you build something online, engage with the audience, and consistently produce on a regular basis - you'll do SO well.
He agreed, but sort of missed out on just HOW BIG the social media scene is out here.
So, you meet people ... online? he said.
Yeah, I literally LIVED my life for over a year crashing on people's couches that I met online. I still do on occasion, but I'm happy to have had a home now for over a year. It was a really cool experience though, I had only $10 and I got to 12 states and had SOOO MUCH FUN along the way meeting so many great people.
But this is from the ... internet?!?!
Yes. I said.
You're really interesting, he replied.
After the second beer went down, and an hour had passed - I realized I had officially entered stood up territory.
Charlie then said he had to bounce because his friend was here to pick him up. It was great meeting you, he said. Can I friend you on Facebook?
Certainly, I replied. Lemme know if there's anything I can do to help you too.
He then peaced and I sat at the bar ... alone.
Having just started my experiment of 90 days on Excelerol earlier this week (which is a brain supplement that helps you focus), I was absolutely inundated with this feeling of humiliation.
It's one thing to normally feel something, and compartmentalize so you can still function - but man oh man ... being on this supplement I was HYPER HYPER HYPER focused on HOW HUMILIATED I was. The humiliation is of course rooted in ego, but here I was genuinely not in the greatest mood but DETERMINED to not cancel another date this week ... and the dude doesn't show without even a quick message as to why?
Obvi being a marginally commercially attractive female will ALWAYS give me the upper hand in a situation like this (sitting alone at a bar in general means you are never longing for company) ... but it hurt, I'm not going to lie. Having to explain to both the bartender and this new random friend next to me that I was waiting for someone only to have them NOT show up? I genuinely understood at that point the heartbreak that guys have communicated to me in confidence regarding being stood up by someone. It was a life experience I'd thankfully hadn't had up until that point - but HOLY HELL did it hurt.
Again though, the hurt was only resonated in expectation and ego. I EXPECTED to have a date, but what I had was a loverly conversation with a new friend, and hopefully helped him with some tips and tricks on surviving LA.
My ego however, didn't want to let this go.
I decided to send my date a message on Facebook ...
I didn't want to stoop to name calling, but I wanted to clearly communicate the fact that I was hurt and being stood up SUCKED!!!
I then headed back home, but by the time I got there the excelerol was still PUMPPPINNNGGGG through my body and all of the sudden I just felt this rush of ANGGGEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Not even like normal anger, this was FOCUSED and CONCENTRATED ... what the FUCK, I thought!!! I have NOT had a good week and this. shit. pissed. me. off!!!
Rather than write from that place of anger, I decided to take it to the street and go for a run in my new Nike Plus kicks.
I put on my Nike sponsored gear and my American Psycho play list (Patrick Bateman Selection on Spotify) and hit the pavement (forgetting to even sync up the app to calculate my speed and distance with the special awesome chips they have in the shoes).
RIGHT out the gate ... I knew this was going to be one of the best runs of my life.
Between Sussudio rockin in my headphones and the fact that with every stroke I could FEEEELLLL the muscles in my legs contract - wow, I thought ... this Excelerol is INCREDIBLE to work out on!! I'm so focused ... I'm so ... FOCUSED!!!!
Sure, the concentration was on anger which I'm not saying was the healthiest thing on the planet, but it definitely felt good to channel it in such a healthy manner.
After running the two miles I then got back to the house popping in the bathtub to cool down and read the comments on Facebook and twitter re: being stood up.
As I'm scrolling through, I see one from the National Geographic Dude (aka the guy that showed up at my door on a motorcycle with unconfirmed plans). I've DEFINITELY admitted my fault in that scenario, but it was hilarious that he wrote how shocked he was that he even saw my posts anymore since he had unfriended me. I laughed thinking he should have used me more (like his girlfriend in Morocco suggested in the comment of this post) and I could have explained to him better the process of also unsubscribing to someone's feed after unfriending them so they are truly out of your Facebook ecosphere.
I was in a foul, foul mood at that point. I was cranky, irate, and all I wanted to do was go to bed so I could be up bright eyed and busy tailed for my 9am meeting in the morning.
I woke up naturally somewhere around 6 am and checked Facebook to see this message ...
Alrite, I get it ... shit happens at this point. Again, it was only my ego that was affected. No harm, no foul. Sure I was humiliated and angry but again it was more a reflection of expectation than anything. I have to admit too, I was slightly grateful for at least the new life experience and GENUINE empathy I can express to someone when they are in the same shoes.
I then click over on my page to see a ton of new comments on the Facebook thread.
Yep, they were from my date.
Now not only did he out himself for what he did, but now - he's going off on a TYRAID on all of my friends that commented.
He RIPPPEEEEEEDD people apart (obviously myself included).
Say all you want about me, I have a very, very thick skin ... but go after my friends?? Oh. Hell. No.
I normally let all of those things slide, but with the sheer magnititude of comments and insults being thrown around I wasn't willing to let it go.
We went back and forth for a bit ... again, not normally my style - but this guy could not have sounded more insecure about the entire thing. Obvi I get it, it's my audience, my experience that I document - but period end of sentence that's just the way it ALWAYS is!!! I've had guys write about dates with me ... I genuinely have nothing to hide, and I don't say I speak for everyone. I through and through will only ever speak for myself.
Either way, I hope this duderino has a great rest of his trip and again, I am thankful for yet another life experience so I can relate to more people who have been in these shoes ... and yeah, that's all I can say and do.
OH! But HOLY FUCKING SHIT is excelerol amazing!!! I was on adderall for a few years and I could never exercise on it because of how much it increased my heart rate. Excelerol allows you to focus but doesn't affect your appetite or your heart rate.
It's still early for me to formally comment on it ... but man oh man did it prove it's worth last night!!