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<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>

 

 

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Thursday
Sep132012

#WTF: About the #TCDisrupt can I get a rundown? (PG-13 3some, crashing parties via twitter PT. 2)

Click here for part 1

Alrite, ready for part two? This has hands down been one of the wildest weeks of my life, btw. 

So, I then met up with a group of my friends and somewhere around 2 am we all rolled back to Stuart's house where we all passed out. 

I woke up the next morning, and had a series of meetings. One was with a new start up and then the other was with TNTML's senior advisor, El Senor Ben Parr. 

We discussed strategy and all the next steps for the brand. 

You need press, he said. Mainstream. 

I know, I know, I said. 

Hiring a publicist seems kinda lame, but how do people end up on Ellen or the Today Show? What are those next doable actions? 

I then thought about my options while looking at the media line. (Zuckerberg spoke on Tuesday, so it was a PACKED house.) 

Wait, fuck "looking for press" - the press is right here. Why not just go and talk to them? 

I then walked over to a CNN reporter. 

Excuse me, I say confidently walking up - would you like to hear a story about a bootstrapped entrepreneur? 

No, he said. Completely cold. 

Hi, I'm Jen Friel ... I then briefly went into my story. 

He smiles humoring me, but then cuts me off saying, listen - I'm just here to cover Zuckerberg. 

No problemo, I said back walking away. 

You crashed and burned Friel, but hey no harm no foul. 

I then saw dishes coming out of the kitchen indicating lunch was about to be served. Having just waited in the longest line ever yesterday, I decided it was good to just get there and be one of the first in line. 

I started chatting with a friend and moments later a guy comes up to us. 

What's your story, he asks? 

I run Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover - I say. Nerds, sex and tech. 

I want to interview you, he says excited. 

I had no idea who the guy was, but turns out he runs a big media outlet. 

Talk about the universe manifesting, I said to my friend. That was pretty freaking fast. 

One interview then turned into two and I laughed at the hilariousness of life. 

Everything is always in front of us. Our only job in life is to be aware and as conscious as possible. 

I then saw Mr. Facebook himself speak, and it was pretty crazy. People were LITERALLY hanging from rafters trying to get a view of the boy wonder.

I gotta admit, I give the kid a lot of credit. He's DEFINITELY had public speaking lessons. He has this energy to him, I can't describe it. He's also VERY charismatic in his awkwardly dorky way. 

On the way out of the lecture I bumped into my very dear friend Amanda and after not seeing each other for a week or so, we caught up on everything in our dating lives. 

I'm in love, I admitted to her. I've genuinely never felt more uncomfortable in my entire life. Everything was so much easier when I was more cold and distant from guys. I'm TERRIFIED at the idea of opening myself up to someone but it's ... visceral. I can't not!! 

I continued blabbing ... 

I don't even want anything from him, nor do I honestly even have a single expectation. I just know that one, I don't want to write about him anymore, and two, I would literally kill for him. He brings out my lioness. 

Wow, she said. I've never heard you say that about someone. 

I know, I said. It's driving me fucking nuts. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm identified so greatly as being a serial dater. I haven't even had sex in two freaking months. TWO MONTHS and I'm genuinely not even jonesing. 

<tangent> I'm a ferociously decisive person. As you can see with this brand, when I've set my mind on something - I literally do not let it go. I like what I like and I have NO problem going after it. This one is quite special, and I know this doesn't come along very often. </tangent>

We then parted and I headed back to the house to take a shower and meet up with Stuart. 

You ready to put your party pants on? I asked. 

Stuart then pulls out a clown nose putting it on ... 

 

I was born ready, he said. 

<tangent> Stuart and I are trouble together. We literally have the same SUPER open personalities, and are both COMPLETELY shameless, and filter free. 

It's trouble man. I'm so so so glad we have half of a state between us. </tangent> 

We then headed over to the Zynga party which had an open bar and THIS SUPER COOL WALL!!! 

 

Oh how I heart the shiny things.

Either way, we then scoped out the crowd and Stuart spotted a chickadee that he was interested in. 

She's talking with a guy, he said. Maybe they're together. 

You know that people think we're together, right? You never know someone's story, so at least test the waters before you try writing it. 

I'm a GREAT freaking wing girl, btw. This. shit. is. my. jam. 

Stuart then approaches and come to find out, shocker, shocker, they weren't together!! 

We then all start talking and the conversation flows pretty naturally. 

Ready to go, she asked? 

Sure, we say. I heard a rumor of a Google Ventures party over at Rickhouse - we can head there. 

I'll drive, she said. 

HA! I think laughing. Not only did we just successfully pick this chick up, but she's rad enough to actually give us a ride to the bar. 

She then stopped for a cigarette and while we were outside Stuart shot me a look. I didn't know what she had said, but his eyes were giving off a vibe that he wasn't feeling it. 

We then get to her car. 

I don't know about this one, he said. She seems kinda nuts. 

I smile, climbing in the backseat. Be careful what you wish for. =) 

The woman was SUPER beautiful, like crazy gorgeous but clearly going through some pent up anger issues as everything that came out of her mouth was either negative or just straight nasty. 

Do you mind if we stop off at my place to grab something, first? 

Sure, she said. 

As Stuart got out of the car, I then struck up a conversation with the girl. 

What's your relationship status? 

Oh, I just broke up with someone. 

How long ago? I ask. 

A few weeks. 

SUH-WEET! I think, rebound!! Go Stuart go!!! 

Stuart then comes back to the car, and hands the woman a Peter Pan hat. 

Here you go, he says putting on his clown nose, and me wearing my spirithood. 

Now we're good to go. 

I laugh hysterically tweeting out that here we are 30 minutes into our new friendship and this poor girl is now wearing a Peter Pan hat and driving us to the bar. 

High-larious. 

BTW, costumes are mandatory for all random adventures, ESPECIALLY at conferences where everyone is super up their own butts. Your awesome may be organic in life, but people do genuinely need to be reminded to have more fun at LEAST once a day. 

We then arrive at the Google Ventures party and because of our lack of planning we decide to just crash it. 

I told Stuart what I was able to do the night before, and said with the TWO of our audiences we are totally getting in. 

Dude, we've got this on lock, I promise. 

We then walk up to the door about 10 minutes into the party. 

Hi, I say confidently. Jen Friel. I display my twitter bio on the screen. 

She looks down, then looks back at her sheet. 

I'm sorry but you're not on the list. 

Can you please check again, I press. 

She does saying, I'm sorry but we had to cut some people as we are going to hit capacity. 

I then laugh as Stuart tries his name, and his bio. 

Nope she says pushing us both aside. 

A guy then approaches Stuart. 

I love your book, man. You're really great! 

Thank you, says Stuart. 

People then walk in from behind us. 

Everyone is adding people to the list. We are still standing there. 

We then walk to the side as Stuart begins texting people. 

Stuart, btw, is the KINNNNGGGGG of San Francisco. The dude knows literally everyone. 

I got someone we can call, he says as he texts his buddy. 

I know the owner of this place, he can walk us in. Let's go across the street though and keep drinking. 

We then head over to the other bar, and as Stuart goes and gets drinks the new girl and I begin talking. 

I just don't feel pretty she lamented. 

Now, this chickadee had literally no self confidence. Between her recent breakup and job choice (she was a model) everything that she had been validated from was all external. 

I used to be in that same space!! When I was modeling LITERALLY no one would approach you at the bar, no guys would ever say ANYTHING to you EVER out of fear that you are "out of their league." Furthermore, you are sexually harassed LITERALLY every day and while it does make you a stronger person, in your early 20s (which this girl was) you're doomed!! You can't not be fucked looking this attractive and trying to figure out the world.

I just want you to know, I said sincerely, you are really beautiful. You are never going to see that though until you decide to. Men will only treat you exactly how you are projecting to be treated.  

Do me a favor. Let's not be you for an evening. You're in a ridiculous hat, at a party with people you don't know - give me a name. 

You pick the name, she said.

This isn't the point!!! YOU need to pick it. What's your favorite name in the whole wide world? 

Nadia, she said. 

Perfect, Nadia works. 

What does "Nadia" do? 

She works in marketing. 

Great, new media? 

Sure, she said. 

Alrite, but don't talk to anyone at this party about new media. You're not familiar with it and the majority of people here are so they will call you out on it. 

If anyone asks tell them that you've been discussing work all day, and would love to just turn that work mode off. Got it? 

Yes, she said with the only genuine smile I had seen all evening. 

Moments later, the owner then meets us at the bar and tells us to wait in the alley. I'll bring you around the side, he said. 

The red wolf, Peter Pan, and clown nose then cross the street and go into the alley. 

At this point, we had two more friends meet us so we had in total 4 girls and Stuart. (lucky dude) 

The side door is then opened and we enter through the kitchen and into the party. 

Well, done! I thought. Stuart really is the king of SF!!! Look at that!! 

We then grabbed another drink but "Nadia" was clearly already a little out of it. 

She kept going on her phone, and she genuinely wasn't even pretending to be interested when guys were talking to her. 

At this point, I was FULLY in party mode, so I wasn't going to take it. 

I tried, I genuinely genuinely did. I have nothing against the girl, but if you're not going to go along with something I'm just not interested. 

The girl left about a half hour later, and Stuart and I mingled around the party. 

Moments later, a guy approaches me saying he wants to show me something. 

Are you a magician? I ask. 

Yes, he said. 

I'm going to stop you right now I say placing my hands on his coins. I know your deal, I dated one of you and I'm genuinely not interested. 

Oh, but I was hired by the party. 

I'm sure you were. RIIIGGHHHHHTTTTTTT. 

I fucking HATE magicians now. I see through all their little tricks and they're really squirrley little rats.

The night drew on, and this was ABSOLUTELY the party to be at. Dudes, I've never been at a conference with SO many direct investors and decision makers. It was gnarly. 

We then literally closed the bar down and somewhere around 2 am me, Stuart, and one of the girls got into the cab. 

Now, I'm genuinely not sure how this started but as we were sitting in the car, the girl puts her hand on my leg. I'm at this point quite sloshed so I don't think I paid any attention at first. 

We then get back to Stuarts place and I head to bed. 

I don't know who made the first move but as I sat down on the bed, the girl sits down next to me. 

Now, this woman is STUNNING. The girl we picked up at the bar was commercially speaking stunning but she had such a rod up her fanny. This chick was not only BEAUTIFUL with the nicest rack ever, but she was really rad and totally fun. 

She starts kissing me. 

Holy shit, I think. This is happening. 
I begin making out with her like the world was ending. 

Women, btw, are WAY better kissers then men. I'm neither here nor there on them sexually, but they are a delightful appetizer in the makeout department pre-foreplay. 

Because they were genuinely in my face, I then go to town on her hoo-has and we both fall back onto the bed. 

THENNNNNNNNN ... 

We both fell asleep. 

Yep. HAHA. I was fucking tired man and again, I'm looking for more in my life and looking to be in a relationship. I can't be doing things like this and manifest the kind of energy I am looking for. 

I woke up about 5 hours later, and IMMEDIATELY thought "oh shit!! that just happened." 

The thought barely left my head before I see the girl pop up from bed and climb back in. 

Good morning! She said bright eyed and bushy tailed. 

I BUURRRSSSTTTT out laughing thinking to myself, wow, all three of us fit EXTREMELY comfortably on this bed. I genuinely had no idea I was even sleeping next to two other people.

The girl then left a few hours later but we swapped numbers to kick it again. 

At 10 am, while I'm writing, Stuart gets a text. 

Yo! Want to go to a dance party at noon? 

WHAT?! I squeal. 

Yeah, there's a dance party that my buddy throws once a month. It's only from 12 - 2 though. 

People rave during their lunch breaks? Are you insane?? 

Yeah, he said. It's San Francisco. 

Now, Wednesday was my day of meetings. I had lunch at twitter and then an afternoon of saying howdy to some start ups. 

It's right by twitter actually, he said. 

BINGO! That works. I can go for literally 15 minutes, but then I have to be there at 12:30. 

Not a problem. 

We then head over to the rave and I laughed thinking these. people. are. nuts!! 

It felt GREAT to do some oot scootin and boogie-ing, but it's freaking NOON!!! How is this place so PACKED!!!! 

12:15 came before I knew it and I bid Stuart a good bye and told him I'd text him later about the after parties. 

This has been a really wild 48 hours, I admitted. 

I KNOW, he said. You and me are trouble together. 

CLEARLY, I said. 

I then went to my meetings and headed back to the place to get some more writing done before heading out for the evening to my final party. 

I find out from new friends I had made the night before where the best one was, and again, using twitter, I was able to crash. 

2/3 not too shabby!!! 

I then started talking to some people that I genuinely admire. SO MANY people at that conference were people I freaking WORSHIPPED and to be able to talk to them so candidly was amazing. 

Dudes, anytime you can talk to UBERLY successful people and UBERLY old people - take it. (Remember when I talked to the guy on the beach when I was done fixing his watch? Same thing. People like this will give you the real deal.) 

What does it all mean, I asked this one guy who is LITERALLY the biggest name in his field. 

What do you mean by that? 

You work because you have this goal. Then you accomplish it, and then what? When does the feeling of fufillment enter into the picture? 

What did you want to do when you were 12, he asked? 

I wanted to be an entertainer. 

Are you an entertainer? 

Yes, I said. 

Then there you go. You are living your dream. What you need to understand though is that it takes shapes. 

Money won't fill that - nothing will. You need to just go with it and follow your inspiration. 

Follow my inspiration, I thought? 

Sounds so simple, but couldn't be more complicated. 

I thanked him profusely for his time as I pondered on the walk back what it all meant. 

What is my inspiration now? I get to travel, I'm professionally in the EXACT spot I've always wanted - but I'm terribly, terribly lonely. 

I then thought about my future. 

I can't break all of this down into one massive life change. I need to take my own advice and go back to doing things that ONLY feel good. It was a series of EXTREMELY small decisions that changed my life so if I am going to do it again, I need to know to listen to my gut and to follow my bliss again. 

I then went to bed and this morning boarded the Greyhound back to LA. Within 5 seconds of sitting down I began crying. 

I can't believe I can't stop crying. This person came into my life and reminded me what it was like to care about someone again and now suddenly I'm this wreck. Everything was so much easier when I wasn't focused on emotion, but I never realized how unhappy it made me and how unfufilling success really is - EVEN IF YOU BUILT IT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS!!! 

I need to not be afraid to let people close. Being burned may never be fun, but neither is being this lonely. 

#thatisall

Very very very special thanks to AndesBeat for the sponsorship.

AndesBeat is a cultural game-changer movement that fosters the 'very' early stage growth of startups in Latin America. Check 'em out over yonder!! 

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Reader Comments (3)

Posted this in Twitter too, but one of my favorites:

"If you are bothered by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?" - Rumi

Wild time in SF! I gotta meet this Stuart. Glad you had fun in our hood :)

@moids

September 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMoids

I have to say Jen, that my favorite part of this article is somehow not the description of you making out with another pretty lady, no matter how cool that image might look in my head, but the part where you went up to the CNN reporter. Seemingly a one-off moment, but it kinda highlighted how mad cool & confident you are. Taking chances, putting yourself out there for the whole world to see- really admirable.

September 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVince

Jen, it sounds as if on one hand, you may have been questioning some of the people that you crossed paths with, "what is next" after you have become a success. On the other hand, I can feel from my own experience you questioning yourself about the measure of success as it relates to being in business or a relationship, which is only judged by one person - you.

As for business, if you are doing that which pleases you and you enjoy it, the money is not important. More so, the money will come; at least enough for what you need since it is not the priority. You are at a point where you are already happy with where you are and that makes you a success, so where do you go from there? That is up to you and what will make you happy. I would imagine that growing the brand and bringing other people on board will be a large part of that, which is the beginning of what will ultimately make you very happy - being able to grow enough that growing is second to turning around and giving back to others so they may grow as well. It is a very nice chain to be a part in, and I believe you will make a very good link !!!

Personally, I have no advice for you other than to follow your heart. If you are honest with your heart and the people you meet, there will be no pain or unfair feelings, but if you question yourself or lose confidence in the path you are on in your personal life, then by every resource possible - stop - make sure that you regain that confidence, even of it means sacrificing what you have for so many years built because it is not taking you where you deserve. It's easy to say and very hard to do. I know, I have been trying for very many years. Best of luck !!!

September 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMike Wolke

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