Life never ceases to amaze me. Every time I sit there and get SUPER excited about a life experience or think that I'm going to get one thing out of an experience, everything then changes and I am left in this state of bewilderment.
I expected to go to a brothel yesterday and learn how to dominate my slaves better. All that I ended up with is the realization that I am done exploring. I have closed a very big chapter in my life, and I am now ready to move on.
Scooby doo beginning.
So, about a week ago now, my buddy hit me up and told me he was working this new job where he basically managed the webwork for this brothel.
AMAZING, I said at the thought of doing something super exciting and new.
We then went back and forth for a bit on what was going to be allowed and what wasn't.
You can't take pictures, he said. We're going to have to bring in a professional photographer.
No worries, I said. I'm just down for anything and super appreciative for the opportunity.
I had been prepping people for the visit for the last few days with tweets and posts exclaiming how excited and slightly nervous I was ...
I may talk about sex in an extremely candid manner, but that is the scientist in me that wants to explore, play, and analyze. The nerd that got picked on her entire life still feels that weirdness.
That's actually why I love being a domme. I've never felt sexier in my entire life. It is this ... realization of power that I never knew I had.
I always trusted myself in business and always knew at the end of the day I could figure out something to just get shit done, but I always shielded myself behind that and kept all men at a distance.
Either way, I got a text yesterday morning that the car was waiting downstairs for me.
GREAT! I said.
I then left the penthouse and walked downstairs to a very fancy Mercedes Benz that was waiting.
Really? Really? I thought.
My buddy got out of the car and gave me a super big hug.
SO GREAT TO SEE YOU!!! He said excited. You look great!!
Thank you, I said back. I'm extremely nervous.
Don't be, he said.
I then got in the back of the car, and prepared for the 45 minute drive from the ranch.
The scenery was absolutely BEAAUUTTIIFUULLLL but the desolate nature of the drive freaked me out.
I kept thinking over and over, thank GOD I'm with my friend. If this was some random company that just wanted me to write for them I'd totally freak out.
Don't get me wrong it was totally stunning, but the options for body dumping were too great to not be considered.
Today is not your day to die Jen Friel. Just keep that chin up.
We then arrived at the ranch, and as we stepped inside I took a deep breath.
I'm not sure what I'm about to walk into, I thought, but I will make a promise to myself to at least keep an open mind.
We then went inside and were almost immediately greeted by the "front house manager" also known as the "madam."
<tangent> I found out that a "madam" is someone that has actually been a prostitute. This woman hasn't, so even though she's the main bitch in charge, she doesn't classify herself as the madam. </tangent>
She then showed me around the property. Immediately I was inundated with this serene and calm presence.
There is an energy here that is quite soothing, I thought.
So, what was your first thought about what a brothel is? She said.
Well, I'm going to be honest I admitted. I expected darkly lit rooms, smoke, and predatory women.
She starts laughing.
We get that a lot.
She then gave me a personal tour, showing me all of the suites (there is a hotel on the property as well, but the women are not allowed in there), fantasy play rooms, and bungalows (for more of the VIP "parties")
<tangent> That's what they're called, btw, parties. Not, hey, this is me paying to stick my penis inside of your vagina. Brilliant branding! </tangent>
I freaked out at the pirate room and the 70s psychedelic themed rooms.
This says a lot about you, said the madam. (Yes, I'm calling her that. It sounds way cooler)
What do you mean? I ask.
I found your triggers. You like to have a lot of fun and you are very open minded.
I started laughing, you are very right. You all must know so much about human nature and behavior with all of the chances you guys have to study working here.
We then went inside and I got to see some more of the themed areas.
There were jacuzzis, bathtubs, rooms for the GFE (girlfriend experience, which btw is the most popularly requested fantasy), and even an S&M chamber.
Jen is going to like this, said my friend.
I then got inside, and took a look around. My eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas seeing all the restraints, cages, and even master chair.
We are more of a house for beginners here, she said. There are loads of BDSM places in Vegas but what we offer here is an intro into the fantasy. It's less for lifestyle folks.
She then explained to me that their last domme had left last week, but I was welcome to talk to a sub today.
Not a problem, I said. I'm just super thankful for this life experience.
We then went back to the main sports bar area and were seated to have lunch.
I ordered a philly cheesesteak and surprisingly the food was quite, quite excellent.
Also not what I expected, I thought.
The madam then asked what I did for a living. I know you're a writer, she said but what is it exactly that you do.
Wow, she said. Look at your face light up as you talk about what you do. You're just like one of my girls except instead of having a sugar daddy you have sponsors. I guess corporate sponsors are your sugar daddies, she said.
I almost spit out my diet coke at that point laughing.
You're right, I said. There isn't that fine of a line between what I do and what these girls do … they just get laid WAY more often than I do.
She started laughing.
One of the girls was then called over to talk to us, and as she approached the table her beauty struck me.
(I expected all of the girls to look nothing like their photos online and to my surprise, they were actually prettier in person.)
Do you mind if I ask you some questions? I said.
Not a problem, she said. I'm an open book.
Great! I said.
How long have you been doing this?
Pretty much all my life. I got started as a dancer in Hawaii and then a woman approached me one day and said do you want to make real money instead of just dollar bills?
I then got into escorting, and did it in Vegas for a while.
The problem with that though is that you get caught all the time and are thrown in jail quite frequently. The fact that everything is legal here and the fact that we're all so close is quite the change.
Come on though, I said to her. You mean you guys don't fight? You have what …. 25 girls living here at any given moment. Really? NO fighting?
She started laughing. I'm not saying we all get along, but I'm saying I also found my soulmate here in the form of one of my very best friends.
That's wonderful, I said.
Do you ever want to have children? I asked.
I have kids.
Oh, I said feeling like an idiot.
<tangent> That was a very interesting moment, btw. There I was thinking working at the brothel would have impeded relationships and children, but look at that. She's got it covered! </tangent>
Do you have any daughters?
Yes, she said.
Do they know what you do?
No, she said. They're young so it doesn't make sense right now.
Would you ever want them to get into "the industry?"
I don't think I'd encourage it, but if it was something they wanted to do, then why not?
Have you ever had a moment where you just said you couldn't do this anymore?
Oh yeah, she said very honest and very open.
I cried after my first trick. I didn't know if I'd be able to continue.
Yet you did, I said.
Do you save anything for when you are in a relationship? Like is there an act or a place you only let certain men touch?
Yes, she said. I only kiss the men I am actually dating.
That makes sense, I said.
Very Pretty Woman-ish.
Speaking of that, I said to the madam. What do you do when one of the girls falls for one of her "tricks?"
I tell all the girls a trick is a trick so it has never happened.
That is the proper terminology for it, correct?
Yes, she said. A "trick" or a "dude."
I start laughing.
Dude is one of my favorite words EVER, I confess.
It makes sense though, I continue. You're compartmentalizing it and disassociating the act.
Absolutely, she said. It makes me sad though when you watch these men fall madly in love with the girls. There is clearly something wrong with them and they seek an escape here.
For sure, I said. All attraction is based in like energy.
Yes, she said. Like attracts like 100% of the time.
We have some guys that come in here and are super conscious of energy to the point that they won't cum. If they are on a winning streak they can't release the energy. They will pay and make the girl cum but then leave. When they have a negative streak though, watch out, (and pardon the expression) but they will want to blow their load on everyone and everything.
How is that regulated, btw? The exchange of bodily fluid?
Condoms are mandatory, she said.
Even for oral sex? I asked.
Even for a hand job.
WOW! I said.
Yeah, you never know if someone has a cut on their hand, and all of our girls get regularly tested and are cleaned.
And what about when you are on your period? I asked one of the girls.
We have guys that come in specifically wanting it, but for most we will just put in a sponge and they never know.
That's incredible, I thought. Here I was thinking it just cut out your time spent here, but look at that! A fetish value add!
I then found out that while the girls are staying at the ranch they can't leave.
It's for health reasons, the madam said. The girls have all the amenities they'd need here, and this way they don't have to get tested again.
Makes sense, I said.
How long is the average stay for each of the girls?
Two weeks on, then two or three weeks off.
And do you guys have a rate card? How does the pricing work?
Each of the girls is an independent contractor, said the madam. They have to pay rent and for food, but other than that their pricing and negotiating skills are all up to them.
Is there a range? Can you give me some sort of something to have an understanding of how much money we are talking here?
She smiled. It's a lot.
I will have to take your word for it then, I said.
We then went into the main area and snapped some pictures of me and the girls together.
It was genuinely a fun environment and I couldn't stop commending the girls on being so honest and open.
Then, as we were about to leave, the madam informed me that the sub was ready to get together and talk.
Great! I said.
She's a bit more private though, so it has to just be the two of you.
I high fived my buddy and said no problemo.
We then sat down and immediately, like with the other girl, I was shocked at her beauty.
This girl looked like any homecoming, or pageant queen in Texas. Big blonde hair, big boobs, big personality. Not at all what I expected from a sub, I thought.
Hi, I'm Jen, I say outstretching my hand.
Hello, she says introducing herself.
So, what made you get into this? I asked.
Well, I come from a super religious family, and this for me is just my playtime.
That's an interesting way of looking at it, I thought.
And do your parents know what you do?
Yes, she said.
How do they feel?
They weren't exactly pleased about it at first, she admitted but they love me and they got over it. Plus, it's not like I sit there at the dinner table and say you're not going to believe what happened today!
I started to laugh.
We then talked about where we were from, and come to find out she has a house right near my hometown in Connecticut.
Such a small world, I said.
Then you totally understand the mentality of people like that then.
Absolutely! I just went back a few months ago for my reunion and everyone stared at me funny with black hair. They looked at me like I was this crazed alien.
She started laughing. Yep! I understand what you mean.
I then asked her how she felt about being a sub, and she said it was something she was just getting into.
I have the red, yellow, green system with my tricks, she said.
If I'm saying green it means keep going and that feels good. If I say yellow it means this may feel good, but let's keep trying. If I say red, it means STOP!!! STOP NOW!!!!
What do you guys do if someone is out of hand? I asked.
We have a panic button in the room, she admitted.
How often have you guys had to use it?
Not very often at all.
The madam chimed in.
I've been here 7 years and it's maybe happened 4 times.
Wow, I said. Not bad.
I then thanked the sub for her time and everyone else for their wonderful honesty and openness.
They then informed me that there was a limo outside to take me back. (Sheri's provides a limo service to and from Vegas.)
I said good bye to everyone while my buddy and I got into a limo and decompressed.
I don't even know what that was that I just experienced, I confessed. It was great, everyone was SUPER sweet and the girls were beyond my wildest expectations, but I just need to decompress I said.
I then put on my monster diamond tears headphones and got lost in the soothing sound of Enya's greatest hits.
As I stared out at the GORGEOUS mountain ranges I thought about everything I wanted out of my life.
All that I knew was that it wasn't this.
Sure, these "crazy" sexual adventures were fun (and the brothel was SO much more relaxing than I anticipated), but this isn't me anymore.
I want stability this year, I thought.
I've now financially grounded myself, but I'm ready for a relationship. I'm ready for more. How does one start cultivating intimacy? Where is the starting point?
Dating bores me terribly now. Do you have ANY idea how frustrating it is when a guy doesn't intellectually stimulate you? The root of the orgasm for a female is based in her noggin, so the fact that that part of me is so rarely stimulated means the rest of me isn't as well.
This basically makes my vagina like Survivor. To win it you have to outwit, outlast, and outplay.
Fuck, I thought. When does this ever end?
Obviously I use analysis as a defense mechanism, but there is also a very genuine curiosity that I have and this need to explore and play. How can I deny that part and be less guarded?
I caught myself in that moment tearing up.
I've come LEAPS and BOUNDS since it all began. I know FOR SURE I'm at a different place in my life now. Dude, even on my birthday!!!! I LEFT the "working girls" in that room with that dude. I was so disturbed by the entire scenario all I wanted was OUT OUT OUT!!!!!! I don't want these life experiences anymore, I want intimacy. I want it so so badly.
It's overwhelming for me too because I've put myself out there and made a living doing this, when all I want now are the quiet moments spent with good music, and good friends.
Even the other night. Instead of going out or throwing a wild party in our penthouse suite with a stripper pole, we all just sat around on our laptops listening to music and kicking it ....
I was happier than a pig in shit and the entire juxtaposition of having extremely intellectual conversations in front of a stripper pole MADE MY LIFE!!!
Who does this happen to, I thought?
I will always always always be a people magnet. My entire life I have attracted people's attention, and ALWAYS manifested an adventure when I wanted to, but now I seek the peace. I seek the quiet moments in between that don't necessarily need to be shared but still mean something.
I've said for a while that I want to switch my role to more of an adviorship, but now I'm mandating it for myself. I can't cultivate intimacy as long as I am having life experiences like this. Period end of sentence.
Do I think they're fun? SURE!
Will I send my best guy friends to Sheri's Ranch? ABSOLUTELY!!!
But me ... Jen Friel ... at the end of the day still needs to grow up and get my act together.
I don't want this anymore, I kept thinking over and over and now I am going to change it.
Thanks to the girls yesterday, in such an openly sexual manner, I learned the true value of intimacy.
Now THAT my friends is an epic life experience.
Thanks again to all the girls, and thanks to Sheri's for the time spent. I will definitely send my friends your way! xo