<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Megan. She recently just graduated from SDSU and is now entering the world with a fresh pair of eyes in a stinky economy. In these series of posts she will discuss her thoughts and discoveries as she ventures out into the real world. Hit it Meg!!! </editorsnote>
Here is the 2nd installment of what I loving call: Anxiety is an asshole that I kicked to the curb. First installment can be found here, 2nd here. I'm hoping that by sharing my story I can somehow help anyone dealing with anxiety and show you know that if I can beat it so can you!
When I left off in my story I had just had my massive panic attack. The first of many.
In the following years things started to get progressively worse. I was anxious 100% of the time and I couldn't stop worrying if my life depended on it. The occasional panic attacks became daily panic attacks which then led to agoraphobia.
Agoraphobia is "an anxiety disorder defined as a morbid fear of having a panic attack or panic-like symptoms in a situation where it is perceived to be difficult (or embarrassing) to escape" Thanks for that definition wikipedia!
I became a pro at feeling when my panic level was rising and escape to the nearest bathroom where I could sweat it out (literally) in peace but this didn't stop the anxiety of having one in class, on campus, at the grocery store, etc.
If I needed to go somewhere (and I would usually wait until the last possible second) I would try to drag someone with me and if I couldn't do that, then I would trace the steps of what I was going to do over and over in my head so as not to make a mistake and embarrass myself thus leading to panic attacks. To this day I still have the habit of doing this while waiting in line somewhere to order something. For example, I will say 'grande caramel macchiato' over and over and over in my head while waiting in line at Starbucks.
Looking back I should have known my repeat process was flawed. I am the CLUMSIEST person on the planet. So repeating my drink order over and over and over wasn't going to stop me from dropping my change while handing it to the barista.
All of this led to me turning into a MEGA-BITCH. When you are completely on edge (both physically and mentally) 24/7, anyone adding anything to that will set you off. I would CONSTANTLY snap on my friends. I was always irritated so it didn't take much.
Treating my friends like shit was the final straw. These people where the ones there for me (and still are) and I would turn bitch in a matter of seconds on them. Girls the best example I have of this that REALLY bad day of PMS where everything and everyone annoys you so you flip out easily. Yup that was this girl!
I knew that I needed help. If anything, just to leave my apartment without freaking out would be such a relief.
Next up: Convincing those who tell me "you just need to learn how to cope."
Want to take it out of 140 characters? Email: Mcorbett10@gmail.com