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<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>

 

 

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Entries in blowfish shoes (11)

Saturday
Jan072012

#WTF: About last night ... Can I get a rundown? (Threesome with Mr. & Mrs. Smith)

What is going on right now ... it's really funny when people a few years older than me read the stories on this site - they all laugh. Apparently this is all COMPLETELY normal. 

I don't know if this is just an LA thing - but people are freaky as FUCK!!! 

Anywho, lemme break this all down for you. 

SOOOOOOOO ... I met Mr. and Mrs. Smith (names have been changed) last year during my 103 dates in 9 months. 

See, one of the dates happened to be female.

Really fucking rad girl, had an ah-mazing time ... but I learned from that experience that I totes don't swing that way. Wasn't anything against her, the chick is smokin - but in talking to her and in talking to other friends of mine that are lesbians, it is literally like a part of the brain and for me to be sexually satisfied in that regard I need a penis. Period end of sentence. Women are delightful foreplay, but then - I need the da dun da dun. 

Either way, I happened to meet this couple that evening, and we stayed friends on all social networks for the last year - and I kid you not ... every. single. weekend. these people uploaded the best pictures ever ... and it had nothing to do with the people that were in it being attractive, or that they were at exotic locations, or anything special - you could tell by their GENUINE smiles that these people are very literally having the time of their life.

  

The fact that I also knew that they were COMPLETE freaks also opened my eyes because I could tell that there was a sense of peace in their sexual satisfaction. It was like these people knew what they wanted, made no excuses about it, and aligned with like energy to execute. 

Fucking. Brilliant. 

... and crazy inspiring. 

I want that one day. They are so happy in their relationship, but are the freest spirits ever. 

I then decided I wanted to learn from them. 

I forget who contacted whom - or how things went down, but sometime around Christmas we all started talking, and they told me they were going to be in downtown on January the 6th and that we should get together. (They're not from LA.) 

RAD! I thought, I have a friend's birthday party to go to that night, and I will also just so happen to be in downtown. 

<tangent> LA is a very regional place. Venice people stay in Venice ... Hollywood people party in Hollywood ... and downtown people live way the fuck down there. To live in Hollywood and party in downtown is kind of a schlep. I'm not mad at it, but I don't do it very often. </tangent> 

 So, last night I got ready, and got on the city bus ... lifecasted the experience as usual. Here were some of the highlights ... 

 

<tangent> It's funny people keep asking me if these bat shit stories are going to change once I get my car back, and I laugh reminding them that I've also gone out on not one ... but TWO dates with guys I met in traffic. So no, the way I meet people will obvi be different, but I'm a people magnet. This. Will. Always. Happen. Oh and also, if you're ever traveling late at night taking public transportation - wear sunglasses.

I know that this may look weird, but you have to understand that if someone is going to attack you on the bus, or do some funky shit - it's not personal, you were a low hanging fruit. How do you eliminate being a low hanging fruit? Add in a variable. See, people who wear sunglasses at night are, for the most part, on drugs. No one is going to fuck with you if they think you're on drugs because you could COMPLETELY freak the fuck out on them and attack right back. True story. I've taken the bus at 3 am from downtown to Hollywood MULTIPLE times, and no one has ever fucked with me. ::knock on wood:: I may be crazy but trust, it's calculated risk!!  </tangent>

I then got off the bus, went to my friend's birthday party and had a TOTAL blast. So much freaking fun, and a group of friends that I never get to kick it with. 

Then sometime later I got a text from the Smiths. 

Them: Hows it going? 

Me: About to get better. Where you be? 

They then gave me the address to their hotel and after a long walk in my Blowfish shoes, I arrived. 

I walk into the lobby of the hotel, which btw was BEEAAUUUTTIIFFULLL ... and met everyone at the little bar area. 

The second I saw the Smiths I got the BIGGEST bear hug ever!!!! 

Sooooo glad to see you, they said. Can't believe you actually showed up! 

I shot them this look and said, dude, my word is my honor - and like I would miss this evening for the world? hahahaa

We then grabbed some drinks, and they introduced me to a few of their friends and we all started dancing. 

Moments later I was in a sandwich with Mrs. Smith and another girl and I thought ooohhhhh this is going to be fun. 

I then did my best attempt to get all sexy and grinding to the beat. 

Yeah ... 

Yeah ... 

Yeah ... 

I then seductively tilted my head back to look hot, and then wound up headbutting Mrs. Smith. 

Really Friel?? Is this happening right now??? 

She's great and made no fuss about it - but I couldn't help but feel awkward. I just DO NOT HAVE A SEXY BONE IN MY BODY!!!!! Every time I think I'm doing something sexy it comes off CRAZY goofy and good god - just every shade of horrible. 

The Smiths then called me out on it ... 

You're such a badass and so confident on your site, but you're SOOO shy in person. Do you ever let loose? 

This is me letting loose, I said. I haven't tweeted in HOURS! (That was only due to spotty reception, ftr - I got frustrated looking for service so I just gave up.) 

I then continued, in business - yes, I play in boys clubs ... I run the site, run my brand - it's my baby and my thing in this world. You HAAAAVVEEEEE to be tough and you HAAAAAVVVEEEE to be able to throw down or people will walk all over you. Personally, however, I shut all of that off - and people are always INCREDIBLY surprised when they find out how shy I am. 

Mr. Smith pressed on - you do realize that is what makes you that much more fucking adorable right. 

AWWWWW I said letting out a little giggle. 

OMMMGGGG that LAAAAUUUGGHHH!!!! 

<tangent> Don't ever get me started on laughing - I giggle like a motherfucker. And ESSPPEECCIIALLLYYY if I am nervous, I not only turn BRIGHT red but ... yeah ... I can't stop. 

Exhibit A: Forward to 2:01

</tangent>

Mrs. Smith then grabs me again, and we go back to the girl dancing sandwich. I'm not going to lie, it was pretty hot. The other chickadee is a professional dancer in Vegas and man, oh, man - the girl could move. 

Things quickly progressed from the dance floor to my tonsils. I actually got to have what I believe was my first all girl three way kiss. 

::checked off of bucket list:: 

Then the dancer pulled me aside and we sat down on top of this booth to rest her feet. 

We started talking for a minute or two - about what, I have no idea.

Then she leans in and starts kissing me ... in the bar ... while sitting not in, but on top of this booth.

Dudes, I'm not even kidding you - this was some straight up Wild Things shit.   

I then catch my breath, look up, and notice we have company. 

Excuse me, said the guy - but I heard from a friend (who I have no idea) that you girls weren't full blown just into chicks, and I was wondering if you maybe wanted some company. 

Are you really this guy right now, I wonder. 

You're REALLY the guy that is going up to two chicks making out at a bar and asking if you can be of uh, service? 

PUH-LEASE! 

I thanked him, but shooed him away. 

Ready to go upstairs, asked Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Absofreakinglutely. 

Mrs. Smith then pulled me aside - are you cool if the threesome became a foursome?

Of course, I said. I say yes to everything ... always. 

Just know I am going to be painfully shy and awkward at all times- but I eventually do start to get out of my head. 

They laugh as we all headed upstairs.  

Wow, I thought on the elevator ride up - I've done some freaky shit in my life, but a four way with 3 girls is up there. 

We then got inside the hotel room, and started making drinks. 

I then noticed this sign and snapped a picture ... 

 

Dude, its the interwebz - it's pics or it didnt happen!! 

I have to come up with as many ways to tell the story without revealing people's identities. So yeah ... this just had to happen. 

We then get our drinks and moments later there is a knock on the door. 

Some of the people from downstairs had made their way up and apparently everyone still wanted to party.

But ... uh ... meh ... I thought. 

I then quickly analyzed the situation, and you could just SMELL the sex in the air - oh fuck, I thought, this is going to turn into an orgy. 

I then started tweeting out like mad what was going on. 

A French engineer then started talking to me. He was asking me about TNTML and how I could run a site talking about nerds. 

I was BORN a nerd, dude. It's who you are at your core, how you process things ... all the site talks about are things that interest me. It's my personality broken down into digital form, and that has attracted other people to write THEIR stories about the other shit that interests them ... and 60 nerds later, we roll deep. 

I, of course, maybe got half of that out because at that point the vodka had started to get to me. 

I am a CRAZY good drinker, btw. I'm 27 - know my limits ... but primarily drink beer. I'm not mad at hard alcohol, I'm just not really a fan. Beer is the GREATEST THING EVER ... but all they had was vodka. So yeah, I think I got every third or fourth word out. 

I then put my phone down, went to use the restroom and then when I came back out, there were puppets in the room. 

I am absolutely 100% not even kidding. 

I don't know who owned them, or why they were there ... but all of the sudden the chicks in the room started to get out of their clubbing clothes and into puppets. 

And not even for sexual purposes, they just all randomly wanted to play with puppets. 

I IMMEDIATELY reach for my phone and start tweeting this out. 

I couldn't take pics of the actual puppets without getting someone's face in the photo - but I could at least say when this was going down in real time. 

<tangent> It's funny too as a lifecaster, I never know where the story is going to be ... I just experience, and feel - and somewhere, somehow the story just comes to me. In this moment I KNNEEEWWWWWWWWWWW the fact that puppets got brought out to what looked like was going to be an orgy was going to be the story - it was my job at that point to remember as many of the details as possible by tweeting it out.

 

Come to think of it, I don't think there were actual strippers. People did strip, and one of the girls did mention them being there, but I don't know on that part. </tangent>

I then got yelled at by Mrs. Smith for being on my phone. 

Whatcha doin over there? she inquired. 

OOHHHHHHH nothing ... ::snicker snicker:: 

She then went with one of the other girls to get some ice, and as the puppets got put away, I went to go and find Mr. Smith who was on the bed in the other room. 

I knocked on the door. 

JEN FRIEL - he shouted. GET OVER HERE!! 

BAHHH!! I screamed as I literally fell into bed with him. 

::breathe Friel - be cool:: 

Moments later we started making out. I maybe shouldn't have had a piece of pretzel peanut butter bit before going into the room, but whatever - he didn't seem to care. 

My clothes then started to come off ... and shit got heated. 

RAAAWWWRRRRRRRR!!! 

There is then a knock at the door - it was another girl, she wanted to show Mr. Smith something. 

Oh, I've got something to show him - I thought. 

About ten minutes later she left, and we continued. 

Then, Mrs. Smith walked in. 

THANK YOU GOD! I thought

She comes over to the bed and watches me and Mr. Smith make out. 

Mind you, I am in a short ass skirt, knee highs - and not much else. Every bit of my everything was COMPLETELY turned on. 

I don't like to be interrupted pushed Mr. Smith. 

But JEENNNN FFRRRIIIIEEELLLLLLL he said, holding my face in his hands. 

Mrs. Smith then came over and kissed me, while Mr. Smith went ... um ... let's just call that down-downtown. 

This is the single greatest moment of my life, I thought. Never in my life have I felt two people that just KNNEEEWWWW what the fuck to do. Wow. Wow. Wow. 

We're going to continue this they said but in a more private setting. 

I came up for air literally wondering my own name. I ... uh ... yeah. 

We then went back into the other room to not be "those people" - and about an hour later I headed back home. For one, I was tired, and two I had left my contact case at home, and I can't sleep in my contacts this time of the year when my allergies are so bad. So - yeah! 

But either way, this isn't a "the end" - it's more of a ... to be continued ... 

Can we leave the puppets at home next time though? I'm into toys and I'm into all types of crazy shit, but I want to BE an animal, not be mauled BY Animal. 

#thatisall

 

Friday
Dec302011

Fun with #OkCupid: So, last night I went out on a date with a guy who agreed with the Unabomber

 

HAHA did he REALLY just say that?

OMG the truth is reallly IS stranger than fiction!!

So about a month and some change ago this duderino on OKC hit me up. (As per my usual - I am on the online dating website OKCupid and you guys should totes check it out cause it's like free, and they use math to get you dates - yah! for real.) I read his email, then checked out his profile - did he have a genuine smile? yep! check ... I kept reading ...and saw this ...

 

Dude sounded amazing ... so I then clicked on his avatar highlighting more photos and saw this ...

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!

Fuck yeah - I immediately got back to the guy not only telling him that we should meet up but letting him know when I'd be back in town and offering my number.

That is literally the best photo I have seen on OKC, btw.

So some more time went by - didn't hear from him ... then I get an email saying he had been sick or something, whatever - still told him to hit me back (frankly I wasn't holding my breath there) ... and a few days ago, he actually called and we arranged to meet up on Thursday night (aka last night).

Everything in life was happening as per my usual - I had gotten laid the night before by a dear friend, which lead me to want to start a UGC blog called OnTheFloorFromTheNightBefore.com, which lead me to meeting a supermodel while trying to get off the phone with my Aunt Laurie - but not without managing to look like a complete dweeb in the process (thanks 7/11 lady ...). Read more all about that here.

Literally 20 minutes before the date, I was STILL not ready for it. I had agreed to meet him at a bar not too far from my place, but I was SOO FREAKING JAZZED about the UGC blog and creating the Facebook like page for it - that my mind was anywhere but this date.

I was then reminded about his Iron Fist 3: Fists of Iron photo and just how AWESOME it was and I somehow managed to pull myself away from the macbook pro, throwing on some make up, and running out the door. (Thanks again to Blowfish shoes! Rocked a pair of Vances!)

I then get to the bar, fortunately only being 2 minutes late (WHEW) - and after looking around realize I beat him here.

I then copped a squat in the main bar area and waited. Moments later, the men's bathroom door opened and a guy approached the table.

Hi! You must be Jen.

Yes I say, still remaining seated since the bar set up did not make it easy to get out of the booth.

I won't hug you since you say you don't like to be touched ... he said

I then laugh saying, no - I'm getting over it; I then initiated my Confident Hug.

<tangent> So so so many times in life people don't know whether they should shake your hand or hug you, so what I do is go in for a "Confident Hug" - a warm and open hug at the beginning or end of the date to negate any awkwardness a guy may feel about not knowing what your preference is. CONFIDENT HUG FTW!! Works EVERY FREAKING TIME and puts people at ease. </tangent>

We then sat down and I went to get a beer as he had already had his.

I sit back down at the booth, and he immediately begins talking.

I've never been out on a first date with someone and known so much about them.

Yeah, it's the only way I survived 103 dates in 9 months - not a lot of dudes asked me questions. I entered into everything mid sentence and cut out all the bullshit. It was pretty nice actually.

We then started talking - I asked him what he did for fun, and he told me. Followed by me finally realizing I also have no idea what this guy did for a living, so I asked ...

I was a lawyer until recently. I didn't want to do it anymore - all I want to do is write.

That's rad! Do you have a blog?

No, I don't understand anything about the tech space.

You don't need to understand the tech space to at least blog, dude! Creating your OKC account was way more difficult than starting a blog and you've seemed to have mastered that one.

He thought about it, and then told me he was passionate as well about helping out some Occupy Movement peeps.

Whew I thought, thank GOODD I wasn't wearing my 1% sweatshirt ...

 

That could have gotten awkward. Dodged a bullet on that one!!

We then keep talking, and one beer becomes two, and two becomes three. I was impressed with the guy - he was a GREAT conversationalist. He asked me a shit ton of questions, and we got pretty deep on a few issues. Major kudos. We had a very very very intelligent conversation.

He then admits, I have to be honest with you - I didn't think we were going to get along.

Oh? I ask

Yeah - I'm not a big fan of social media.

Well, what don't you like about it?

I mean I'm on Facebook, and I see that there is not much I can do about it anymore - but I kinda agree with the Unabomber on a lot of issues regarding privacy.

The second the words came out of his mouth I started LAAAUUUGGHHHIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG.

OMG OMG OMG, I was shaking, please for the love of all things holy let me tweet that. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!! I thought.

He then starts to backpedal feeling embarrassed by my laughter, and I stop him.

No - that's a GENIUS idea for a blog. I then told him about tumblr, and he should create an account with this cutesey title I told him.

Here, I said grabbing my phone - let's check if the domain is available.

Moments later, I entered in the domain ...

YEP! It's available. Dude, you have to go home and create this account. For the love of all things holy this is a such a good idea. I'll totally walk you through the process.

You're a true marketer he said.

YES!!! And good GOD this will get people to click on your blog, and if your writing is good enough - it will keep them there.

He thought about it, and then said he was considering a career in politics one day as well and he wasn't sure if having his name associated with the unabomber was such a good idea.

UGH! I thought!!! I get so FREAKING FRUSTRATED with people who want to have this massive "control" over their career before they even have one. Like the duderino over the summer that I took to an interview that ended up being an orgy - he is the nephew of a SUPPPPEERRRRR famous actor. Like CRAZZZYYYYY famous - like every. single. person. knows this actor because he is literally a legend.

That duderino wanted to be a writer, and wanted to maybe one day as well get into acting - but he kept saying over and over how much he was afraid to put himself out there because it would "one day come back and haunt him." Fuck that shit and OWN IT!!!

You're talking jibberish if you haven't even DONE ANYTHING TO BEGIN WITH!!!!! You HAAAVVEEEEE to put yourself out there to find your voice and then work with what is working. It can't be controlled and be the other way around. FUCK ME SILLY I control nothing with this brand and with this website. When I first started it I wanted to predict trends in the social space talking about social media. Then, I realized I wanted to get back into lifecasting - and now I am somewhere in between the two using technology as the backdrop talking about my experiences in life as a lifecaster. Of course the first time I talked about sex I was PETRIFIED to do it - but now I do, and it's RAD!!! You. Have. To. Put. Yourself. Out. There. No press is bad press.

Well, unless you have a chinchilla fetish and have a sex vid of you petting chinchillas while masturbating cause that shit would just be weird.

If you're not that guy though, you should be good.

The SECOND someone says something to me like that - I just go lah lah lah - BULLSHIT! You're just afraid to get out the gate - which dudes, is totally understandable ... but just put on your big boy pants and get it the fuck going.

Albeit, yeah, I do understand that politics is a HORSE of a different color (dudes, my bro works at the pentagon) so I can definitely see both sides, but I still call bullshit.

We then talked politics for a hot minute and after we each grabbed a glass of water we called it a night.

He walked me out and I gave him another Confident Hug. I was thoroughly impressed with the dude overall though, I gotta admit - but if he doesn't start the blog that we talked about I'm pretty much meh. And not even with the title I suggested (although it is freaking GENIUS and if he doesn't take it after 90 days I'll post the idea on the site and tell someone that they should start it) - but just A blog in general. I'm done with people talking up a big game and not backing it up. Life is for the taking and time is running out, man. Gotta get going while the getting is good - so we shall see.

It's funny actually he texted me right as I was writing this ...

 

He asked me last night what I was doing for NYE and I told him that per the shaman's advice I would be spending the holiday alone.

(I've been seeing a modern day shaman for the last few months - REALLY RAD DUDE!! Read more about our last session here.)

So - there ya go, that was last night. I'll text him back in a bit - haha I've never given a date homework before, but for reals if this guy wants to be a writer and even gave up his day job to do it - he's already TEN STEPS ahead of everyone else, and he just needs a push.

Want a second date with me a duderino? Start your blog. If it doesn't suck I'll even give you link love.

Peace love and lollipops! =)

#thatisall

 

 

Thursday
Dec292011

#WTF: About last night & this morning ... Can I get a rundown? (Supermodel, getting laid & UGC blog)

WOW! WOW! WOW! What a night and what a day today has been. I just met a supermodel at 7/11, got laid, and from that sexual session ended up with what I think is a pretty fucking rad idea for a UGC blog which has since already been started.

Lemme back up a bit though, and here's the song that goes with the post. I am rocking out to this something FIERCE right now ...

First up, about last night ... last night, I had a date with a good friend of mine who was in town from NYC. I should give him a name on this site ... ahhhh what to call him ... haha fuck yeah - he's Preppy.

This guy is unbelievably attractive - like CRAZY hot, but also a ridiculously big nerd. He works in digital strategy but on the agency side (not on the personal brand side like I do). I totes appreciate talking to him about what he's experiencing in the space having his shoe be on the other foot and working strictly for the big dogs. He's done some SUPER huge campaigns and is not only crazy talented but just a genuinely rad motherfucker.

We've been friends for almost two years, but it wasn't until I went to NYC over the summer where he actually took me out on a date that things started to connect. This guy is such a freaking class act. No joke, dinner, drinks, and tech talk - ALL NIGHT!! Ugh! My idea of perfection ...

But either way, he lives in NY - I live in LA ... it's just not going to happen - BUTTTTT when he is in town, or when I am in town we at least get to spend some time together.

It's hilarious though, this guy and I on a lot of levels could not be any less compatible. He is UNBELIEVABLY preppy and Prada, where I am an UNBELIEVABLY dirty hippie in Goodwill.

Kinda funny actually, our OKC percentage I know would be super super super low - but we both grew up socially online in chat rooms, and are uber analytical freaks so we get along ... and get along really really well.

Remember the other week when I was complaining about not having any of my close guy friends anymore? Well, I would definitely say this guy is a close guy friend - he just doesn't live here. Either way, I am totally a dudes chick. I grew up with an older brother, so I will always always always need to have an intimate relationship on some level with some dude - if I don't, I literally go batty.

And I'm not talking about intimate on a strictly sexual level - I've given up my fuck buddies and given up casual sex in general ... but Preppy is in a different class. He's not only someone I can sleep with, but someone I can share really really really deep shit with and we can connect.

See, Preppy was the very first person I opened up to about the possibility of being turned on by women. We talk every other week or so on Facebook chat - and I can still vividly remember seeing those words hit the chat and me FREAKING out!! Omg omg omg I told another living soul my deepest darkest secret!!!

That however turned into a date - which as usual - turned into an adventure I posted on.

He's since told me all about his deepest darkest secrets as well, and again - he and I just connect.

He reads the site, obvs, and when I went to the S&M club he told me over Facebook chat last week that he would not only be in town this week, but he'd love to see me, and that he was really turned on by it. (He is a dom, and even has a sub back east.)

Rad, I thought. We had had sex before in NY and it was SUPER hot because he's so dominant and literally pulls, pushes, and plucks every bit of my everything.

Yesterday afternoon while I was watching Dick Tracy (OMG super duper fav) he sent me a text asking to kick it.

I was all FUCKKKK YESSS!!! My suddenly dead, lifeless, I can't believe I'm actually watching TV and not working - self got motivated and got my butt in gear to head out later in the evening.

I then sent him my address and a few hours later - BOOM! Here we be.

He dropped off his laptop in my apartment and then we walked over to a quiet and cozy little bar in Hollywood.

Those are some serious boots you've got going on, he commented as we crossed the street.

DUDE!!! Thank you!! I exclaimed! I have a new sponsorship with Blowfish shoes and for reals - people will NOT stop complimenting me on my shoes!!

<tangent>These are their Wang boots. They do run a bit on the smaller side - so I'd go a half size up before purchasing. Oh, and btw - you can return no problemo if you buy shoes from them and they for whatever reason don't fit. I'm telling you though, their shoes are CRAZY comfortable and cute! Def an upgrade from my vans ... may they RIP. </tangent>

Of course you would have a new sponsorship, he replied and of course you would be this excited to tell me about it.

I laughed as we walked into the bar and found a little nook to talk.

AHHHH!!! The first sip of a nice cold beer is literally the greatest thing ever, I said. (FTR, I was drinking a White Rascal)

We then got to talk shop - I updated him on all of the awesomeness that is the first quarter for Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover - and he told me all about his projects, some of which will keep him in LA a bit more often.

Then we got real, and I began talking to him about sex.

But how do you find these people you dominate?

Online, he replied. There's a bunch of different sites.

But how do you have a straight face when you actually say these things?

It's hard - he replied (no pun intended)

See, I am now at a weird stage sexually where I am acting out ALLLLLLL of my fantasies, but it's a really gnarly thing because I'm used to being so in my head with it, and at most typing things out. I can NOT do dirty talk, and I'm HORRIBLE at participating because all I want to do is watch - not necessarily include myself.

I dig the scenarios FOR SURE! But get SO UNBELIEVABLY NERVOUS being an active participant and not a fly on the wall.

Does that ever go away? I asked

Absolutely, he said. It just takes time and practice and the right fit with a person.

FML, I thought. I not only have to find a guy to date, and I have to find a guy that I'm sexually compatible with - but now I have to find a guy that is fetish friendly as well? How the FUCK are people in this world ever satisfied, I said.

He then laughed and after two beers we headed back to my place where he freaked my freak.

Ugh! So amazing.

Then, as we were reverse cowgirling - I caught myself in the mirror.

See, my bedroom has RIDICULOUSLY big closet mirrors.

 

I could then see him dominating me and my participating self also got to watch which set me absolutely OVER THE FREAKING MOON!!!

OMG - I thought, I get this now. I get why people really really dig mirrors! Holy crap! How have I not used these more before?!?!?!?

An hour later we both passed out - and two hours later the alarm on my phone went off to remind him to move his car.

See, I live in a community that is permit only. Fine, normally - we have an extra permit, but on this evening my roomie @itsmejoolie also had a friend over ... so Preppy had to park on the main road, which at 4am has street cleaning.

He got up, moved his car ... and then I heard him go into the bathroom.

Alrite, cool - I thought. He's good, I can fall back asleep.

I then close my eyes and a few minutes later hear a door open. I glance up and notice that my door is still shut.

The observation barely registered before I hear, OHMIGOD - I am so sorry.

Yep, Preppy walked in on Julie and her friend while they were in their uh, most natural state.

With every ounce of energy in my body I start laughing ... SOOOOO FREAKING HARD!!!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG this is great I thought.

He then comes running into the room and lays down on my wooden floor.

Is everything in your life like a sitcom, he asked?

Yes - yes it is, I replied, and I'm just going to start livestreaming the entire freaking apartment - this is ENTERTAINMENT GOLD!!! And TOTALLY ORGANIC!!!!

15 minutes go by, and we're still laughing about this. He has though moved up to the bed ... but I won't let this go.

OMG that was so brilliant.

So. So. Brilliant!!!

We both fall back asleep, and I wake up this morning super freaking tired.

Alrite, I said close to noon - gotta get my lazy bones up and working.

Preppy had a lunch in the valley, so he got his things together, washed up and after he kissed me - left. 

I then went back into my room, laughing at the entire evening.

So genius - I thought, this is going to make a great story.

My eyes then wandered over to the floor and I saw a man's white t-shirt, a thong, a magnum condom, a heart necklace, and a single Blowfish shoe.

All of the pieces could tell the story of the night and I had an idea ...

I ran out of my room and into the living room shouting to Julie - THIS IS AN IDEA!!! I can start a site under NerdsUnite Productions where it's UGC (user generated content) of people taking pictures of shit they found on the floor from the previous night. All people have to do is email me pics and it's one single upload with a description (preferably 140 characters or less).

It should rhyme too - I stated with mounting excitement.

Floor ... before ... I began pacing.

ON THE FLOOR FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE DOT COM!!!

Julie laughs - that's a great idea.

YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!! And it's a single picture a day, all UGC and SUPPEERRR easy to manage. Keep it on Tumblr so there's the social component, link it to twitter - cross promote TNTML periodically.

THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!!

I then checked to see if the domain name was available, which it was, and then I planted my little bum down to begin syncing everything all together.

After about 5 minutes however, my eyes were hanging pretty low.

AHHHH!! Damn you interrupted sleep!! Need Diet Dr. Pepper.

I then left the house, walked the bit of a long walk to 711 - and on the way called my Aunt whom had called me weeks ago to wish me Happy Birthday and I kept forgetting to return.

First words out of her mouth - are you engaged?!?!?!

Of course my aunt whom doesn't even use the friggen internet would find out about a social media prank that I pulled on this community before I even had a chance to tell her.

I laughed, saying no - but she continued to talk and talk and talk for literally the entire walk.

She updated me about her life, we talked about family shiznat, and I was now waiting by the chili dogs for her to finish talking so I could pay for my Diet Dr. Pepper. (I HATE people that are on their phone when they are paying for something. It's just so rude! Put the phone down before you're dealing with someone.)

My aunt however wasn't catching my hint of, okay - love you! But I gotta go ... so I got in line thinking I could at least say that there was someone in front of me and I had to go.

5 minutes later, I am still in line, and I am still on the phone.

FML. One good deed!! ONE!! And I just can't get off the phone.

Just then, the door opened and I spotted a familiar face.

OMG OMG OMG, I think - I know her from somewhere!!

My brain immediately races knowing I had not spotted a friend, but rather a celebrity.

<tangent> I have a FREAKY ability at recalling faces. Like dudes, I can spot you if you were in a CBS made for TV movie in 1992. I'm crazy good at not only spotting people, but then IMMEDIATELY being able to place them. </tanget>

IT'S JENNY THE SUPERMODEL THAT DATED ANGELINA JOLIE - I shouted in my head.

 

OMG OMG OMG, she is so beautiful in person.

She then tucks in directly behind me - and now I am standing there in line at 7/11 on my droid charge trying to get my aunt off the phone standing in front of a supermodel.

Please for the love of all things holy tell me you put on deodorant this morning Friel.

As I'm standing there in line I said no less than 10 - I love you-s! and Merry Christmas-es - hoping to end the call.

Finally, as I do reach the register I am able to politely hang up on my aunt and pay for my Diet Dr. Pepper.

Family! I say smiling at the cashier (whom I see at least a few times a week).

What does your sweatshirt say, the cashier asks as I type in my pin number to pay for the soda.

Oh, University Buffalo School of Medicine.

Did you go there? she asked.

No, I said - it's just a sweatshirt. (One that only cost $4 at goodwill too!!)

REALLY LADY!!! I am here a FEW TIMES A WEEK!! And you NEVER talk to me ... now the ONNEEE TIMEEEE I am standing in front of a supermodel you choose to open your mouth and I feel like a dweeb.

UGH!

I mean I could have told her that it launched a social experiment on location based clothing - but whatever, it's 7/11 and my time there was done.

I smiled, taking the receipt finished paying and tweeted out my find still feeling slightly dorky for not only not being from Buffalo but for not actually going to med school.

Get over it Friel ... get over it I thought as I then walked all the way back home, and launched OnTheFloorFromTheNightBefore.com.

It's clearly only a soft launch for now - I have to get enough of the girls in the community together to start submitting, but my ultimate goal is to have a picture a day where people literally just take pictures of shit on the floor in the morning telling the story from the night before. Me thinks there could be something there ... we shall see! If you have a pic feel free to submit: JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot Com

This is going to be fun with all of the stuff that happens in this apartment alone, content won't be hard to come by. (no pun intended!)

So, last night I got laid which inspired me to start a UGC blog, which lead me to getting to meet a supermodel.

Not bad for a Thursday!

#thatisall

 

Friday
Dec232011

#WTF: About yesterday ... Can I get a rundown? (lunch at pentagon & threesome) 

OOOOOOHHHH Washington DC, you are a very interesting little city.

So, first up - a hoi hoi from DC everyone! I'm currently chillaxin here for the holidays celebrating with my family. See, my brother bought a house last year so he is hosting Christmas at his home this year for the first time with his girlfriend. It's pretty cute actually, and I'm grateful because there is a spare bedroom so I'm not sleeping on a couch. WINNING!

My brother asked me on the first night I got in if I wanted to have lunch with him at work. I immediately got excited because my brother doesn't just work anywhere ... he works at the motherfucking Pentagon.

 

Yep - big deal.

I honestly come from a crazy high aspirational bunch. I'm actually a descendent of Roger Sherman, and even when I went to Harvard to film an episode of VidBlogger nation this year - I wound up getting schooled on my OWN FAMILY HISTORY!!!!!

I'm supposed to be a Daughters of the American Revolution - but seeing as to the fact that I am a nerdy hippie with no political affiliation nor any desire to have one - I'm pretty much kosher for passover.

We agreed to have lunch on Thursday, and after a few easy directions I went to bed, and the next morning got my butt up and showered and got ready.

It was funny as I was charging all of my nerd gear I wondered exactly how far I was going to be allowed to go with everything. See, being a lifecaster is not really a welcomed thing at a place like the Pentagon. My brother and I could very literally not be on further sides of the life spectrum.

I called my brother at his office, am I allowed to bring my phone?

Yes.

Can I post that I am going there?

Sure.

Can I take pictures?

Absolutely not.

Can I tweet?

Absolutely not.

I didn't really understand the no tweeting part - but whatever. I then posted on Facebook my plans not wanting to disobey but rather to keep you all in the loop with what was going on ...  

 <tangent> I very honestly don't know what my brother does. I know he's an analyst, and I know I got researched up the butt when he was being interviewed - but yeah, I have no idea. I just know it's a big deal. </tangent>

 I then reviewed the directions my brother gave me, put on my blowfish shoes and walked out the door. 

OMG OMG OMG OMMMGGGGG their Vance shoes are very literally my new favorite thing ever. SOOOO FREAKING CUTE and totally lightweight so they don't hurt your ankles. I can literally run a marathon in these bitches!!!

 

They fit me so so so perfectly and are my new super duper favs. They're CRAAZZYYYYY comfortable. Fashion and practicality excites me greatly. (click here for more info on where you can get a pair)

 I then put "the pentagon" into my google maps (just incase) and walked out the door.

The directions were simple left, right, left, go down the stairs - cross over the cross walk, find the tunnel, stay to the right, go through security, call the office when I get there.

Easy enough, right?

Yeah well ... no.

My brother is an incredibly intelligent person. Like FREAKISHLY genius level smart - but when it comes to simple things like directions, he fails on a lot of levels. See, my brother gave me directions for going out the front door of his building, not the back which is the only way I've ever gone out of his building.

BIG BIG BIG oversight when your directions simply start with hang a left, and hang a right. By leaving through the back door it reversed everything so what was left became a left leading right and so on and so on.

Fortunately, after 15 minutes of walking in a complete circle, common sense kicked in and after a few angry tweets I just decided to forgo the directions and follow the signs towards the Pentagon.

I knew it wasn't far, and I could visually see where it was at the top of the hill, I just had no idea how that translated to walking there.

A half hour later my phone rings.

Where are you?? You're late!

I'm FREAKING LOST - I scream into the phone.

I then describe where I am and my brother instructs me to turn back around and head towards the tunnel.

Where the hell is the tunnel? I scream

I can't see the tunnel!

That's the point - my brother snaps back. Just go through the parking lot, you can't miss it.

FTR, I always always always hate when people say "you can't miss" something. Motherfucker I am unfamiliar with this city - I WILL MISS IT!!!

I hang up the phone, start walking through the parking lot, and do actually find the tunnel.

WINNING!!!

From there I find the pentagon and am greeted with an overwhelming number of "no photography" signs.

And so it begins I think.

I then forget to stay to the right and walk left and realize I am at the wrong entrance. 

 

Humor aside, my frustration rose. I CANT FREAKING FIND ANYTHING THIS MORNING!!! BAHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm normally a very zen human being, but I had literally been wandering around for an hour and EVERY TIME I turned somewhere it was the wrong entrance, the wrong street, the wrong something. Plus you add in the general anxiety of the fact that this is the PENTAGON and one wrong turn could compromise national security, and you have a recipe for one nervous nerd.

I eventually did find where I had to go, and after a check of two forms of ID and a pass through a metal detector, I got to enter the pentagon.

That. Place. Is. Huge. (thats what she said)

It's pretty cool, it's a little city all to itself.

My brother greeted me at the main waiting area, I was then given this pass ...

 

... and then the tour began.

First, he took me through the halls which looked less like a place of business and more like a mall. So many stores!! So much awesomeness!!! Why would anyone ever leave if they worked here? There's a freaking Best Buy INSIDE the Pentagon. AH-MAZING!

He then took me over to his office to where I met all the fancy pants people he worked with. Even two of the fanciest pants who were apparently so fancy that it was a SUPPEERRR big deal that I got to meet them. 

I had no idea who the hell they were so I just smiled and nodded staying real and genuine. I dunno - I get intimidated by big wig tech peeps, but no one else really gets to me. People are people, some have cooler jobs yes - and in this case some could have me killed instantly, but meh! I just sort of went with it.

One of the mucks looked down at my shoes and asked if it was smart wearing those on a walking tour of the pentagon. With SOOOO much excitement and enthusiasm I said, oh no! These are Blowfish - you have no idea how incredibly comfortable these are.

Seriously- if you have a wife or girlfriend, they need to know about Blowfish.

My brother shoots me this look like, is this for real?

I smile thinking yes, yes it is. THEY'RE FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!

He then continued the tour - my brother works literally a few doors down from the Secretary of Defense. He started geeking out explaining to me how important that was. I just sort of smiled and nodded again knowing nothing about anything he was talking about.

Do you even know who our Secretary of Defense is?

I look at him like a deer in headlights. To the google! I think - oh snap, but wait, there's no cell phone reception inside the pentagon. SCREWEEEEDD!!!

Donald Rumsfeld, I reply.

My brother put his hand in his face and said, no Jen. That was a few administrations ago.

He then told me who it is - and honestly I still forget, but I got to see their office! Lots of flags on the outside, and super plush carpeting. It was super pretty!

As we walked over to the cafeteria for lunch we passed a group of generals.

Wow, my brother said taking a moment - I've been here for so long now and it still gets me walking by three star generals.

Oh, the guy in the black jacket I pipe up - he totally just checked me out. Which is hilarious because I never notice that shit. 

Wow Jen ... Wow.

Wow is right I thought. Fuck yeah! I just served my country. You keep on staring you three star general you!!! And if you need me to uh, defrag your computer you just let me know how I can be of service.

RAAAAWWWRRRRRRRR!!!

So, that happened. I then grabbed lunch with my big brother (to which he paid, thanks dude) and we gabbed about life. I caught him up on all of my projects and he was excited. It's going to be a big year I kept saying, I can't believe it all actually worked out.

It's really cool kid what you have going on, he said. I'm proud of you.

Well thank you big brother - I am proud of you too, I said. This place is nuts.

As I cleared our trays I caught a few more generals staring at me.

I look back at my brother - it must be weird having me as a sister isn't it.

Jen, you have no idea he said putting his arm around me.

My brother then walked me out, and he went back to work. I unfortunately didn't get to keep my little badge thing, but fortunately I didn't get arrested nor did I have to be strip searched. WINNING!

I then went back to my brother's place, got some work done, and a few hours later met up with one of my brother's friends who works in the social space at LivingSocial.

It was really rad, we went to this placed called Rocket Bar and I not only got to get my drink on but we played four games of EPIC skeeball.

I was a little rusty, but left the champion.

WWEEEEE ARREE THEEEE CHAMMPPPIOOONNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

I am not a very competitive person with most things, but when it comes to trivia, air hockey, hoops, or skeeball I fucking THROW DOWN!!!! I get really really really excited and ready to go.

I then got a quick view of the LivingSocial office and their epic ball pit - AHMAZING! And then headed back on the metro to my brother's place.

Dudes, the metro in DC is CRAZY beautiful ...

 

Then I got off the metro but spent the next hour COMPLETELY turned around and lost. DC is a very very very confusing place. But either way, again being in Blowfish shoes my feet weren't hurting, so I enjoyed the walk.

I finally got back to my brother's place, and then sat down and caught up with him for a bit while sitting in a recliner from our childhood home. 

As I settled in and opened up my MacBook pro to start writing out the story, I got a text from this couple I had met earlier in the year on my date with this really rad chick.

Yep, one of the 103 dates in 9 months was actually a female, and a really rad girl. We had a great night, but this gorgeous couple totally wanted to bone me. I was turned on by the gesture, but again -  I was with someone else that evening, and wanted to remain loyal.

We've chatted a bit back and forth over the last year - but very honestly I've just been bouncing all over the place and haven't had a chance to see them again.

They invited me out to kick it with them when I get back in LA and I was totes game.

I laughed thinking, this is one of the dirtiest things ever. Here I am sitting in a recliner from my childhood planning out an adult fantasy while my brother and his girlfriend are talking about grocery shopping for Christmas.

I barely finished the thought before I got this picture text ...

 

Oh yes, this is going to be fun I texted back.

And there ya have it nerderinos!! When I get back to LA I am going to be doing some crazy kinky shit, and yah! Life is good! It was SOOOOO great to see where my brother worked, and even cooler to talk tech with one of his friends at LivingSocial.

It was kinda gnarly though and I had a taste of how my family must feel about me getting so excited about everything in the tech world. My family has NOOOOO idea what I do. When they tell people, they say "she does something with Facebook and has a website." That's it! But there I was with all these SUPER HUGE people and sort of staring at them and their fancy offices going - now what. Is this supposed to be cool?

The Blowfish shoe was on the other foot nerds ... the Blowfish shoe was on ... the other foot.

#thatisall

Special thanks to Blowfish Shoes for not only their fanschmastically awesome shoes that totally don't suck, but also for the sponsorship. For reals though, their Vance shoes make my life! You can check 'em out over yonder. xoxoxxoxoxo



Thursday
Dec152011

#RIP Vans: Time to bring the sexy back 

Dear nerds,

I am saddened to announce that after almost 365 days straight - my vans are going bye bye.

 

Yep.

It was about time, and as it is almost a new year and a new beginning - I had to shed some old skin.

For reals, for the last 2 years I have been very much a dude. Way more of a dude than a chick actually, and while there is nothing wrong with that - it scares the fuck out of guys, and is causing an imbalance in my dating life. I have to let the dude be the dude, and let me be the chick; shoes are an important component to that.

SOOOOOOOOO, I hit up the fanshmastically awesome Blowfish shoes and asked them if they were interested in a sponsorship - they were totes game, and for the next THIRTY DAYS, I will not be allowed to wear sneakers in an attempt to shed some masculinity.

THIRTY FREAKING DAYS!!!!!!!!

I haven't gone thirty HOURS without being in sneaks in over two years.

This. is. NUTS!

It may be nuts, but it's about time. I use this site as a place to better myself, and I'm very genuinely trying to attract different energy, and in that - I need to relinquish some of my masculinity.

OMG OMG OMG and Blowfish's shoes are SO FREAKING CUTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! They sponsored my shoes for my epic date with Vh1's Steve Ward, and holy shiznat, my feet NEVER HURT!! That was NUTS!! I felt super cute, super sexy, and dare I say ... practical?

I very honestly have no idea if this is going to work - but to up the ante, I am removing all sneakers from my house to guarantee that I will have no option but to rock what Blowfish has given me.

That's right, the Vans are going away. BUUTTTT to just get rid of them I thought was a bit wasteful. Dudes, these things have had some EPIC adventures!! From dancing on stage with Prince, to wearing them on the red carpet of the Academy Awards, they have seen a lot of cool shit. Fortunately, my buddy Tim Van Keuren made a donation to my favorite charity Gett Love, and now he's going to get to keep 'em.

OMG! Tim you could totes make a gnarly voo doo doll out of that shit. THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!

So, dear Tim - the shoes shall be on their way to you in the morning, and I'm super freaking excited about this experiment!! Heels and fancy boots aren't really my style, but I am DEFINITELY game to at least try it out and see what happens. With all the walking, biking, and public transportation taking that I do it smells like a bad idea, but who knows! You don't know if you don't try!

Today I am rocking their Hazmittens ... and OMG OMG OMG they are sooooo FREAKING CUTE!!!

I haven't had high tops since 1989 and they were accessorized with a tweety bird.

THOSE WERE THE SHIT!!!

First pair are booties. They're pretty comfy, I'm not mad at 'em. They are definitely snug and are going to take some time to break in - but they're super cute. Today, I'm rocking 'em with a hoodie and basketball shorts, but I can see myself rocking these with a dress for more of a night time look. These are the closest thing I am going to have to sneakers for the next 30 days so I better get used to 'em! ::sigh::

One thing to note about these shoes though is that they run small. Go a half size up if you can - will make the breaking in process a lot less painful.

Super stoked about this new experiment, and EVEN MORE grateful that we were able to help out Gett Love in the process. Many many many thanks to Tim and Blowfish shoes! Can't WAIITTTTT to have some adventures!!

OMG! This means I can wear Blowfish Shoes to the BDSM club on Saturday! SUH-WEET!!! I wonder which style will go with a collar and whip ... hmmmmmmmmmm decisions!!!

#yaylife

Special thanks to Blowfish shoes for the sponsorship and the new kicks. Click here to check out the Hazmittens for yo' self! xoxoxoxoxo