Search TNTML

<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>



Powered by Squarespace

Entries in episodes (2)


#WTF: About last night ... can I get a rundown? (Shaman, accidentally ending up in Venice, crashing 80s dance party)

HAHAHHAHAHA omg I am practically peeing my pants with excitement telling you all this story. First up though - I slept like a BBAAABBBYYYYYY last night, can't remember a time I slept in this late. WINNING!!!

Here's the song that goes with the post ... it's my happy hippie song and just so happened to be playing on Pandora when I was at the Shaman's office. Hit 'em with the remix baby!!!!

So, first up - the Shaman. OMMMMMGGGG he was good. Holy crapsicles batman.

His name is @realityadjacent, and he is friends with my buddy @catielaffoon - and she had told him about the site, or ... not quite sure how that went down ... but when he saw my post on giving up casual sex, he sent me a love note on Facebook asking if he could be of service.

Dudes, anytime a modern day shaman reaches out wanting to help you ... YOU SAY YES!!!! 

We arranged for a time to meet up on Friday, and BOOM just like that - there I be.

I walk to the address, and laugh at the sign on the door ...


Only in Los Angeles would the gateway to nirvana have a casting notice.


I go upstairs, and am greeted at the door by Brendan.

Immediately I can tell this dude is no joke - he's UNBELIEVABLY present. His energy just sucks you into the now. No other word for it.

I sit nervously on the couch not really sure what to expect, and not really sure what I am going to be doing.

He asks me to stand.

I oblige.

He places his hands around my body - stopping somewhere around my back.

Yep, that's where I thought you'd have problems ... in your back. You're not letting go of the past.

No, I tend to dwell on it - but I can very honestly say that I am a LOT better now. I just don't know how to let go of hurt.

I then explained to him that out of 103 dates in 9 months I found the ONLY 4 that were emotionally unavailable.

I'm DESPERATE to break this pattern, I say. I can't keep living life the way that I am dating wise - it's not fufilling.

Well, let me ask you this. How quickly did you realize the 4 were emotionally unavailable?

Ummmm .... the first one took a couple of weeks to almost a month, the second one took a week, third one took two dates, fourth one I spotted on the first date.

Wow, and you don't call that progress, he said. Look at that!! You have to understand each person in your life is an individual experience. You can't lump all of these guys in together. Yes you may have a pattern, but recognizing it is part of the first step. Now, he said, I bet you can spot them even in an email.

YEP!! I said with pride because I HAVE in fact turned down dudes that I could tell were emotionally unavailable based on verbiage in their emails.

From what I've read about you, and can see in person - you trust yourself, but only about 70% of the time.

You're right, I say cutting him off.

I just wonder all the time if what I do is nuts. People really really really respond to it, but can't really wrap their heads around it. I know it's just the tip of the iceberg though - personal brands and narrative advertising are the future. It's just hard I guess not having others around you keeping you in check, but I just deal and pray it's not the most insane thing in the world. It feels good at least, so I keep going. 

He smiles.

You ready?

He asks me to go inside the room and lay down on this massage like table.

I take off my Vans. I warn you, these things get pretty smelly!!! I place them under the table trying to mask the odor as much as possible.

Ah yes, your famous Vans. Hahaha.

Dude, I love these things! Most comfortable shoes ever!!

I agree!

Yep, we can totes be besties I think as I lay down on the table.

He asks me to close my eyes and turns on a Sigur Ros CD.

I then for a moment felt alarmingly vulnerable. Here I am on a table with this guy I just met in the MOST vulnerable position ever ... I don't know this guy! What is he going to do, right now?

I then snap back into the present moment, and remember how comfortable he made me feel - quit it Friel. Turn the big brain off, you are safe, you are fine - enjoy the ride.

I drift away into the music and after a few moments into a very very very deep meditation.

He never touched me, he never gave me anything to ingest ... he (from what I could feel) only placed his hands around my energy field and worked his magic. I kid you not ...


I could FEEL him doing things to my crown, literally stretching and pulling my energy field.


On an energetic level I would feel cold for one second, and then IMMEDIATELY followed with this overwhelming sense of joy, and love, and ... comfort. No other word for it. It was warm, so unbelievably warm.

This followed throughout my entire body.

I have very literally never been in such a deep meditation, nor have I ever felt anything like this. I was on the verge of tears at one point - I have never felt love in my body like I felt in that moment. So much abundance.

I have no idea how long I was down for, space and time stopped existing. After however long, he asked me to start to wake up, and he played this tape on accepting love as I opened my eyes. 

I rise from the table.

That was the most intense feeling I have ever had in my entire life. I could feel you, and you never touched me.

Oh, I know.

Are you okay to drive?

It's fine - I still don't have my car back, I take the bus.

You can't take the bus like this! Here, where are you going?

West Hollywood.

I'm going back that way anyway - I'll give you a ride.

We then got in his car (Shamans don't do that bad for themselves!!!), and he drove me to WeHo.

How did you get into this? I asked

3 years ago, I was 100 lbs overweight hating my life, hating my job - just existing, and one day I said enough!!!

I realized the root of my depression was in my job, so one day I just quit. I had nothing to go to, but I couldn't do it anymore. Then the VERY NEXT DAY, a friend of mine said she was going to go to Australia and wanted to know if anyone wanted to come along - I booked my ticket and never looked back.

He then traveled all around the world, and had his own epic adventure and eye opening experience.

I never really meant for any of it to happen, I just kept going with the flow.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!! I said. Dude, so many people don't get that, you just have to make the decision to leap - the universe will always catch you, but you have to trust!

I then realize I am preaching to the choir - quiet Friel. This is a shaman you are talking to.

He then drops me off in WeHo, and the second I walked outside I felt UNBELIEVABLY vulnerable. Everything looked so ... bright, and people were staring.

Lemme break this feeling down for you though - you know when you're tripping balls, and you're not doing it with people around you ... you wonder if the world can tell you're tripping balls - so you start feeling vulnerable and a bit paranoid?? That's what this was. I immediately felt like OMG the world is staring at me ... which was prolly true because I was holding myself in this weird arm-med cross-ed awkward kinda way.

<tangent> FTR, my stance on drugs is neither here nor there. I smoke pot occasionally, have rolled on E a handful of times, tried salvia, never done shrooms - although I wanna try one day, and haven't done lsd, acid, or anything too hardcore. I very very very genuinely believe though that some of these drugs have holistic roots and can help expand your mind. BUUUUUTTTT addiction runs pretty rampant in my family and that whole slippery slope thing just ain't my style. Stay in school nerderinos! Stay in school! </tangent>

There I was at 4pm in the afternoon on a Friday walking down Santa Moncica blvd fucking TRIPPING BALLS.

I can't even explain it - HE DIDN'T GIVE ME ANYTHING!!!! I just felt this wave, and rush ... and total body high.

I felt unbelievably vulnerable, but unbelievably ... good.

Fuck yeah bitches!!! ::nerdy high happy dance::

I don't know what he did, but if this shit is legal - I shall be returning!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!!!!

I then walked back to my apartment and proceeded to lay on the floor and couch until my roommate came home. I focused my energy on love like the shaman said.

Breathe in the love ... breathe out the hurt. Gold in ... smoke out ...

After a few hours the high eventually wore off, and I became aware that I am 26 and it's a Friday night. Time to part-aaayyyyyy!!!

I had hit up my sexy skype partner as he had said he wanted to go out when I got back.

RAD! I thought.

Texted him ... so, are we still on for later?

::text:: Yep, I'll call you when I'm done with work.

He lives by the beach, so I figured no matter what I could at least venture near his neck of the woods since beach people don't normally jive with the Hollywood scene. I then take the city bus and hit up a friend in Santa Monica and kick it for a bit.

At around 9:30 I text him back.

::text:: what's kickin chicken?

I don't hear anything.

Ah, bloody hell. Well, whatevs - I know peeps here, so let's have a good time and see what's going down.

I then pop over to Yankee Doodles on the promenade to see a buddy - and unfortunately he wasn't there.

BOOOO!!! I thought. But fortunately I had made friends with another one of the bartenders. What can I get ya sweetie?

Meh, just a bud light please.

BOOM! On the house.

Dude, seriously? Thank you!!

I then start drinking and the guy two stools down starts talking to me.

Excuse me, are you here alone?


Alone ... alone?

Well, one would think being alone would be well ... being alone.

Hi, I'm Jen, I say as I outstretch my hand.

Dell, and this is my buddy ... 

Nice to meet ya duderinos.

What do you do, Jen?

Ah, I run a website.

Wait, you do web design?

Well, I can - but right now I just run the site. It's my baby, so I'm just in the process of growing it.

He then explains to me that he makes custom bikes, and had been talking to someone about web design this week but wasn't even sure how to formulate the questions.

How much is he going to charge you?

$50 a month.

What are you getting for $50 a month though? Like is there a one time rate, plus that? Is that his hosting charge? How often do you need the site to be updated? Is SEO included in that?

You're talking spanish to me, he said.

Here ... you tell me what you're looking for exactly, and I can tell you how to formulate the questions to the duderino.

We then sat and talked tech, and for my service he bought me a beer.


I then gave him my email addy and told him to reach out if he has questions. This is my pro bono work, I said. I can't stand it when people get hosed in this industry just based on not knowing what they were supposed to get. I had a friend once charge 12K for a fucking twitter page. Literally. JUST THE PAGE!!! No digital strategy!! I mean go him for getting it, but the person that paid for it is really really really going to HATE social media.

Then my sexy skype partner texts me back.

::text:: had a bad day. tired. rain check?

dude! I'm neevverrr here! Come on! come out for a min

::text:: really really really bad day. he then revealed something personal. very personal.

oh shit, I texted back. alrite, well, then at least let's just say hi or whatever - I can give you a hug.

In my head at this point I knew we weren't going to go out on even a casual "date" or anything, but I figured we were friends so at least we could talk about whatever was ailing him.

He then texts back asking if he can drop me off early in the morning.

Spend the night, I thought?

Fuck.My.Life. I just gave up casual sex, ANNDD I just spent the day in love with the shaman. I can't turn my back on my declaration and what I learned from the shaman. <tangent> Dudes, my word is MY FUCKING HONOR. I don't have much in this life, but I DO have my word. When I post something saying I am going to do it - I do it 110%. It has ZZEERROOOO to do with you all, and everything to do with just bettering myself, and personal accountability. </tangent>

He then texts me back before I answer him back.

::text:: here

I say goodbye to the dudes at the bar, and get in the car of my sexy skype partner.

I hug him - good to see you, I say.

Good to see you too!

Sorry you had a bad day.

Eh, it's fine - these things happen.

We then pull a little further down the road.

I have to be honest with you, I say, dreading every word as it prepares to fall from my mouth.

I've given up casual sex. And I know now I'm in your car, but I kinda thought we were legit going to hang, but I felt bad when I got your last text ... um, yeah.

Not a problem, I can drive you back.

Now mind you, we are in Santa Monica ... to drive from Santa Monica to Hollywood at this hour would LITERALLY be an hour each way. ONE HOUR!!!!!!

No way, I said. If you can just drop me off in a populated area I can find someone from twitter, and have an adventure, or at least figure out a ride back.

Not a problem.

We talk for a few minutes, and then he lets me out in Venice by the pier.

AHHH FML, Venice. The one area the bus doesn't really go to. (Well, I take that back, it does go to Venice but it will take you THREE buses and over 1.5 hours to get back versus Santa Monica which is one bus and 45 minutes. The walk back to Santa Monica would have EASILY taken an hour, and at that time of night - prolly wasn't the safest bet.)

I hug him good bye. It was good to see you either way.

You too.

I then get out of the car and start walking.

Fuck my life. I have now stranded myself in Venice.

I start texting a few friends, and send out a few tweets. No one immediately responds.

Well, here I be - I think. At least I have a hoodie on to keep me warm, the rest I will have to just figure out.

Then, as if sent on a mission from the holiest of holy men, I get a text from OKCupid date number 99 asking what I was doing.

Well ... if you really want to know, I'm stranded in Venice.

Like stranded stranded he texted back?

Not stranded stranded (my definition of stranded and impossible have GREATLY changed in the last 2 years. Dudes, I have been stuck in some REALLY GNARLY situations, and no matter what have ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS been able to figure out a way back. My big rational brain might not have been able to figure it all out, but by staying present I was able to see opportunities where walls once were.) but here is my situation, and if you want to grab a beer or whatever in Venice I am totes game to kick it. I'm on the pier. 

He texts me back - be there in 45. 

HA! Well look at that, I thought. See, there's that universe again - always having my back with its awesomely random ways.

I'm never desperate man. I put myself in a position not having a car so I can people watch, and have a reason to throw myself at the world. It's a very very very conscious decision.

Not wanting to continue to drink, or meet a random guy at the bar - I walked over to the beach to take off my vans and play in the sand.


I might be a big city girl til I die - but I NEED THE BEACH!!!! Like need. need. need the beach.

I grew up around water as a kid, even getting my boating license when I was 9. Nature was always a release and an escape for me. And dudes, if you think you're hot shit - go stand next to the ocean and try to tell it to stop. If that's not humbling, nothing is.

So, I was playing around in the sand for a moment, and I look over near the parking lot and realize, OMG, that is two people having sex!!!

Like having sex having sex.

Like IN THE PARKING LOT!! Not even on the beach. They were SOOOOOO sch-wasted.

Me, then being so curious, walk closer - and rather obviously. I couldn't believe I was seeing two people BONE in the parking lot of the beach in Venice. WHHHAAAATTT!!!!

I then apparently got too close, and they noticed ... and they left. But not before I snapped this picture ...


HAHA getting fucked in fuck me pumps ... YES!!!

So, then for the next 45 minutes I played in the ocean. It was rad actually, I collected the most PERFECT of PERFECT shells that will serve as a tangible reminder for me on love. 


For reals, I was really really really proud of myself for being brave enough to go and meet the shaman, and THEN to have the universe offer me a test with my sexy skype partner and be brave enough to say to his FACE that I was sticking to my guns.

::pats self on back:: Good job, Friel!

It was so rad too, I had a slight buzz on from the beers and combined with the high I had earlier in the day - playing in the ocean was the GREATEST THING EVER!!!!! 

After about a half hour of listening to my music, and jammin in the waves, I started to walk back up the beach and back to the pier where I was going to meet OKC date number 99. 

A few minutes later he pulls up in his Z4 BMW convertible. 

HA, really? I think ... this is what I'm going to ride in after getting here on the city bus? HIGH-LARIOUS! 

I hug him and ask, where do you want to go? 

Let's go to this place called the V-lounge. It's super chill, and usually a descent crowd. 

RAD!! I'm game. 

We then drive for about 15 minutes and arrive at the destination. We walk up to the bouncer and notice all of the people outside are in the most INSANELY absurd costumes. 

Sorry guys, tonight is closed for a private event - an 80s dance party.

Oh, we said.

Come back tomorrow though, and we'll take care of you, the bouncer said.

But dude, I have a hoodie (I place my hood up), this is totally 80s.

The bouncer smiles, gimme your IDs please.

BOOM!!! Just like that ... we are now inside a private 80s dance party ... drinking more beer ... 


We then spent the entire night dancing to Madonna and Whitney with these people ... 

Oh I danced with somebody alright!!! 

THENNNNN, right as the night was drawing to a close - this MC Hammer look alike dropped his glasses on the floor. Not wanting to see the blessed things break, we tapped him on the shoulder. 

He then looks down, grabs the glasses, and goes to put them on his face. 

I stop him - dude, you're already rocking glasses. 

He then hands them to me to wear. 

I accept - SURE MAN!!! 

And now, I am the new proud owner of a new pair of 90s MC Hammer wanna be nerd glasses. 

If you had asked me to plan the perfect day/night - it would have been something that included some spiritual retreat component, combined with beer, and dancing to 80s cheese ... but had I planned a moment of any of this, it never would have happened. Be present nerderinos!! Some seriously epic adventures are waiting for you!!! 


Thanks for reading!! =) =) =) 

Want to have your own shaman experience??? Hit up Brendan on twitter: @realityadjacent and check out his site over yonder. I SHIT YOU NOT!! He's AMAZING!!! And TOTALLY has my business like forever. 


#Wow: I am ... not even going to try to be witty

Holy fucking trip my shit balls Batman, I am STILL so high right now. I just had my session with the shaman, and the dude didn't even TOUCH me, nor GIVE me a single bit of anything ... yet I cannot shake the high. Dudes, this is through energy and energy alone. BAHHHHH!!!! It's like coming in waves too!!!!

I don't want to touch anything electronic, and I am going to go lay on the floor. Basically, this post is saying that I am not able to yet say anything ... but I love you, so here is a video. I hope this will help you understand my current state of consciousness.