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<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>



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Entries in first loves (1)


#NerdsUnite: My first adult heartbreak (PT. 1) 

<editorsnote> In this series of posts, I hope to explore and examine my first adult relationship and subsequent heart break in the hopes of releasing what may or may not still be present. </editorsnote> 

If you want to skip ahead, scroll down for part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8.

I never wanted to write about this story. I don't know why, but I never thought there was a problem with it. We dated, it didn't work out, he had a child, now has a fiancé - life moves on. 

However, he was my only serious relationship. Like actual relationship ... relationship. He called me his girlfriend, I called him my boyfriend. We lived together. Why don't I want to talk about this? 

Oh and did I mention I have pages ... and pages ... and pages of journals ... 


The story of Noah

Along with the most personal video I have ever put on online that I had ZERO intention of ever releasing ... 

You can't tell me a guy makes you cry like that, and you're not effected in one way or another. 

Ah fuck my life. 

I spent the night watching Titanic to prepare for this post. It was Noah's favorite movie. No ... like seriously ... his FAVORITE movie. I don't get it either, this isn't normally a dudes type of thing ... 

What dude says Titanic is his favorite movie?? I don't say that to emasculate but to say what little I actually feel like I ever knew of Noah. Even looking back now ... I can read the written word in my journals - and watch the video ... but I'm still confused. 

These series of posts will be my best attempt to piece things together. I'm also drinking beer while writing it since I very literally do think there is a massive block in my noggin in not wanting to release this. So prepare yourself for some brutal honesty kiddies. Brutal honesty ... YAY LIFE!!! 

Here's the song that goes with the post ... seems a tad dramatic, but also pretty fitting ... 

The story of Noah starts in June of 2006 with my friend Cindy (name has been changed). Cindy had been friends with my friend Amanda whom I met through this dude that my dad's old college roommate knew. Crazy small world (scroll down to the post script at the end of this post here). Amanda and I were besties for almost 2 years at that point, but when I met Cindy - something clicked. We were immediate totes besties ... sisters from a different mister ... womb buddies. We were TIGHT! 

Yep that was me. Guilty as charged making duck faces in photos and posting them online. ::facepalm::We hung out almost every weekend at various clubs, even making duck faces in the pics we would post on Myspace. 

OMMMMGGGG we were those girls. 

To say she and I were close is an understatement. At that point in my life, I had never had a friend like Cindy. She was so cool, so effortless, so neurotic, so Hollywood!

<tangent> Her dad was a big studio muck - like household name type shit. So I learned pretty quickly what was "real" in this town and what was BS. </tangent>

Our relationship grew so much that we even got the same tattoo together. 

I had told her on AIM one day that I wanted to get love written on my wrist, and she freaked out going OMG OMG OMG I've wanted the same thing too!! So she and I together popped our tattoo cherries and are forever connected through ink. 

True story. See this tat ... Cindy has the other one ... 


We didn't do it to get "matchy matchy" tats - it was more of a common interest thing, and we were both so scared we went together to get it. 

One weekend, not long after getting our tattoos - we went to go and see the Lake House with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. 

I know ... I know ... UBER chick flick, but whatevs - I will own that shit. 

In the middle of the movie she got a text on her Sidekick from one of her friends and she starts crying. 

My friend Noah's mom just died, she said. 

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear that. Were you two close? I whisper.

Yes, very. 

Do you want to leave? 

No, it's fine. I just need to head home after this. 

Not a problem. 

We then continued to watch the movie, which at the time, I loved. (I'm lying - I STILL LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!)

::tears:: It's just ... so ... beauti-fullllllllllllllll ... ::passes tissue:: 

Is there anything sexier than a love that defies the time space continuum?? 


Flash forward a few weekends later, and it's 4th of July. 

Cindy invites me to a BBQ at her friend's house. 

::into the phone:: Remember my friend Noah, she said. Well, he's throwing this 4th of July get together, and you should totally come! Bring that guy you're dating! I'd love to meet him! 

Great! Will do! 

<tangent> See, at the time, I had been dating this duderino named Mark (name not changed) for a few weeks. He's a super super super great guy, but like 10 years my senior, and on a VERY different life track. He wanted to make me a wifey, and I wasn't even willing to officially date him. Seriously ... like I wouldn't let him call me his girlfriend - we were dating ... JUST dating. </tangent> 

Cindy, Amanda, and I met up at Cindy's parents casa before heading over. This was an actual picture taken on that day ... 


Cindy is giving Mark directions to Noah's house on my phone.

So, Amanda, Cindy, and I hang out for a bit - then head over in one car to Noah's crib, and Mark was directed to meet us there. 

The girls and I arrive at Noah's and the party is popping. In less than 5 seconds I was introduced to at least 10 people. 

Hi, I'm so and so ... 

Hi, I'm so and so ... 

Hi, I'm so and so ... 

Hi, I'm so and so ... 

OMG please for the love of all things holy tell me there isn't a quiz after this. 

My mind raced, and my head hurt. SO.MANY.PEOPLE!!! 

We then step outside. 

Cindy approaches the grill-master, they embrace. As they pull away I finally get a clear shot ... and my breath is taken away. 

No, like literally ... fucking Berlin broke out of the bushes and started singing. 

Hi, I'm Noah, he says. 

Hi ... I'm ...  speechless. 

Oh, I mean, Jen! Quit being dorky Friel. 

Amanda approached the BBQ area from the house, Jen, Mark is here. 

Who? I say looking at Noah. 

Mark ... your uh, friend, Mark? 

Right! One second I say as I sashay out the door thinking please stare at my ass ... please stare at my ass ... PLEASE.STARE.AT.THE.ASS. 

I look back, he is looking ... 

SCORE! Yes! He's staring at the ass!!!! 

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMFFFFFGGGG!!! I think as I walk away. Cindy told me she had a FRIEND Noah, she failed to mention she had a SUPER FUCKING HOT FRIEND NOAH!!!! 

Girl fail. Epic girl fail. For reals, at least throw in the - hey, btw, he's gorgeous. Throw a girl a bone here so we're not all caught off guard!!! 

I greet Mark at the door, and invite him to meet all the guys. 

Now, Mark was cute, and smart - but Noah and his friends were FUCKING HOT! I don't say that to sound superficial, although at that age I was.

<tangent> You also have to understand nerderinos, guys like Noah and his friends would NEVER EEVVVERRRR give me the time of day growing up. I wasn't even a nerd in high school, I was a nobody. I was the cute, smart girl with the hot friend. (read more about what happened with that here) Everything that I was experiencing at this party was a first for me. The first time a dude that I thought was super hot also checked ME out. UGH!! AMAZEBALLS!!! </tangent> 

The party progressed, and my flirtation with Noah didn't cease. I kept thinking over and over ... please Mark, please leave. Please please please please please leave. I know how god awful this sounds, but I am willing to sacrifice a life in hell for one night with Noah. Please please please, if there is a god, make this happen. 

Half way through the BBQ Mark approaches me - hey sweet cheeks - I gotta jet to my next event. You're cool here? 

Oh totally!! We all came here together, so you know - I can't leave my girls ... ::internal chuckle chuckle chuckle:: 

He kisses me on the cheek, as I walk him out. 

Talk soon! I say with a cutesey girl wave. 

With the most amount of excitement I have ever felt in my entire body, I take my platformed heel-ed self and RUNNNNN back upstairs to be near Noah. 

Everyone ready for some fireworks, he said. 

YES!!! I scream ... apparently too loud. 

Cindy approaches, so how are things going with you and Mark? He seems like a great guy. 

He is, I say, don't get me wrong - but he's pressuring me. He wants to date me officially, and I'm just not there, and I don't know if I ever will be. 

She nods, I understand. 

We all then get in the car and head out to a country club (which apparently someone was a member of? Not sure how that went down), to watch the fireworks. 

There were about 15 of us gathering on the lawn of the club. 

I intentionally position myself close to Noah. My hand touches his on the grass - he doesn't move it. 

OMMMMGGGGGG the upper left quadrant of my thumb is touching his palm. OMG OMG OMMMMMGGGGGGG!!! 

I look over at him and smile. 

He smiles back. 

Yep, this is going to be good - I think. 

We watched the most epic fireworks ever, go home, and later that week I hit up Cindy to get the scoop on Noah. 

::into phone:: SOOOO!! What's Noah's deal? 

Is he single? 

Yeah, he is, she says. 

GREAT!!! Can I have his number? I want to call him. 

Um, his number? she says 

Yeah! <tangent> I might have just realized that apparently I was "hot" in life, but even when commercially speaking I "wasn't" I will still ... ALWAYS go after anything I want in life. I KNEEWWW this dude was into me, so calling him was no biggie. Dudes, he checked me out, ANNNNDDD he didn't move his hand when our hands were touching watching the fireworks - that is FOR SURE an in!!! </tangent> 

She then begrudgingly gave me his number, and later that week - I gave him a call. 

::into phone:: HEY!!! It's Jen! The chick that you met at your BBQ this week. Listen, I am getting together a bunch of peeps to go out to this club Element on Friday. Are you game? 

For sure. Just let me know what time. 

DONE! I'll drop you a text. 

I hung up the phone. ::nerdy happy dance:: OMG OMG OMG OMG!! The dude that I am crushing is totally coming to this thing that I am pretending to put together this weekend. OMG! Wait, Jen! You now have to organize this thing!!! 

I called a bunch of my girls, and told them the situation. 

(pats arms on chest) Me ... Jen ... think boy is cute.

Let's all go out to Element on Friday and dance ... but me ... Jen ... likes boy. Capiche? 

CAPICHE! They all said in agreement. 

That Friday we all met up at Cindy's and went out to club Element.

This is an actual picture from that night ... 


That's Noah in the upper left hand corner ... oddly enough!

So, we all go out to Club Element which was totes like the "it" spot to be back then ... and within the first .25 seconds of us being there, Noah and I are already flirting. 

him: How you doin? 

me: How YOU doin? I say with a wink. ;) 

We then started dancing, and OMMMMMMMGGGG I was turned on. 

FTR, dancing is an UNBELIEVABLE pre-cursor to how a dude is in bed. Seriously, male nerderinos, take a dance class. Learn rhythm. In that moment, I knew we were going to bone. Well, technically speaking the first moment I laid eyes on him I HOPED we would bone ... but in that moment, based on his movement and my response, I knew it was going down.  

He then pulled me aside off the dance floor, and kissed me. 

Choirs started singing.

OMGGGGGGG!!!! This is happening. Breathe Friel, breathe! The hottest dude you have ever seen is now not only here, with you, but KISSING you!! Breathe in ... breathe out ... 

I was so turned on at that point, we started dry humping and were totally "those people" at the club. 


Flash forward to a few hours later I am back at his house. 

Flash forward to a few MORE hours later, I am waking up in his bed. 

YEPPPPP!! We boned ... AND on the first night ... AND it was hot ... AND I have no shame. 

Give it to me baby ... uh huh, uh huh! 

I remember waking up the next morning, and almost immediately feeling awkward. Wow, I just became "that girl." Casual sex (at that time) was never, ever, EVERRRRR my thing. I would NEVER just randomly bone a dude, let alone someone that I LIKED!! This is Jen here, the UBERRRRR fucking prude. What am I DOINGG!!!! 

I quietly creeped out of his casa, back into my car - which I soberly enough drove back to his place, and drove back the 45 minutes from the Valley back to my apartment in Culver City. 

I spent the entire next day wondering if I had made a HUGE mistake. 

Is he going to call? Should I call? What do normal people do in this situation. UGH! I am SOOO out of my element. 

Fuck you! Casual Sex!!! 

A few hours later I get a text. 

::text:: You get home safe?

Yep, thank you! I had an AMAZING time last night!

::text:: me too. hang out soon?


And by hang out soon, he meant less than 3 weeks later me moving into his house ... and uh, things get real. And really really fast. =) 

Stay tuned nerderinos, this was my first real relationship ... and FUCK did I love this dude. Like love love love love LOVE him!! 


Click here to read part 2