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<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>

 

 

 

 

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Tuesday
Jul172012

#NerdsUnite: A moment of gratitude & a lesson on escaping depression

We interrupt this post to bring you a sex tip PSA from our friends over at LuckyBloke.com: One out of 4 sexually active people has an STD. (And new statistics indicate that in the next 5 years this will escalate to 1 out of 2.)


I just wanted to take a minute and say thank you to each and every one of you. I haven't been writing about what is going on behind the scenes as much lately, but that is only because some very very very big things are brewing and it is overwhelming me in an extremely emotional way.

Very honestly, I didn't expect to succeed with this website, I was just willing to die to find out. (I shit you not when I say that either. Two failed suicide attempts do wonders for ya psychologically in the whole "not giving a fuck department!") In 2009 I thought there was NO WAY I could launch a website because afterall the web had been around for so freaking long at that point and the so called "experts" had already been established. To have taken this idea that I had one day after seeing a trend at a tech conference and have it grow into this ... thing ... that I still spend half my day trying to figure out makes me grateful beyond words.

I can't begin to tell you how dark the first 24 years of my life were. Look, here's a picture I just found on an old external drive ...

 

Look at those eyes, man - SO MUCH FREAKING PAIN THERE!!!

There is no rule book in breaking free of a depression for every answer you ever have in life is ALREADY inside of you. It's true that no man is an island, but we are SO much stronger than we ever give ourselves credit for and if we are quiet and still enough to just take a listen ... everything will start to change.

My change came about with social media.

I've been on computers since I was 2, but chat rooms and forums growing up were my savior. I never had IRL friends, the people that were supposed to be family were complete shits ... but it was online that I found OTHER people who were friendless and shared all the quirky interests that I had myself as well.

I always felt so alone in life, but it was there in this digispace where I would spend hours and hours and hours connecting with these people who although I had never met COMPLETELY saved me.

I can't begin to tell you how common it is in the nerd-o-sphere to have anxiety, depression, and overall emotional instability. (I learned this after I published the story of my nervous breakdown at 22.) I'm CONVINCED that it is a core ingredient to being a nerd in the first place since we are so cerebral and CONSTANTLY analyzing things ... but I just want to say to the nerderino that is still suffering that it really DOES get better if you make a concerted effort to change.

How does one make a concerted effort to change??

You start doing things that feel good.

It really is that simple ... if it feels good you need to keep doing it. The SECOND it stops feeling good ... you need to stop. Social media felt GREAT to me, and while I had no idea how to make a living doing it, by following each step it lead me down the path to self awareness which then became the path towards my business. I couldn't have the business until I became self aware, so your own journey is your own destination. You can't rush things, you can only stay appreciative for every moment and WALK.IN.BLISS. since that vibration on an energetic level will only bring you MORE bliss which will then help you sustain your existence.

There is no rule book in life, there is no one that will judge you or say you've done this wrong because HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY MEEEEEEE!!! You have to do you, speak your personal truth at ALL times and SHOW UP FOR YOUR OWN LIFE!!!

Your truth will also change as you are on your journey - but the more articulate you become and the more IMPECCABLE you are with your word, the faster the universe will help you manifest.

Of course too, you will be tested along the way. Intimacy is STILL something I am struggling with, however after exploring how much of my life has been an expression of shame - a lot more has come into focus.

It took me getting over that shame to now be able to feel worthy and comfortable enough with this site becoming more public. Things that I have been able to control image wise with this site is going to quickly change, and these stories that I have written FROM MY SOUL are now about to be shown in a more public manner. Does that freak me out? ABSOLUTELY!! Even in talking to my dad earlier today he asked me how comfortable I would be with some of these interviews and the process this journey is going to now take me on. I have no choice but to accept all of this, as again it is part of the process for this brand, but I just wanted to say thank you all so so much for reading and so so much for your tweets and Facebook messages. I'm scared EVERY SINGLE DAY doing what I do, but waking up to your emails and reading your messages keep all of this going and is helping me tremendously get over my own fear of the next steps.

For that I thank you. I thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

I can't believe I am finally this free. Holy shit this actually worked!

#kthxbye

 

Friday
May182012

#NerdsUnite: New Network Fall Lineup Shows Worth Watching

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Aaron ... he's a writer, and goth nerd. For reals, he's got some crazzyyyyy ass stories from some of the peeps he's met online, and is now here to share those crazy ass stories with you all. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT AARON!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @aaronflux

I'm a bit of a television geek.  I watch a lot of shows.  A LOT.  

That being said, it's Up Fronts season, which basically means we get announcements from every Network showcasing their upcoming fall lineups.  With this announcement, begins the real buzz of new shows that will be hitting the television airwaves in the fall.

While I tend to mostly watch programming on AMC and FX, I have noticed in recent years the Networks have been scrambling to bring more cutting edge programming to the masses to keep up.  Looking through the list of new shows being announced, I am a bit intrigued.  Below is the list of shows that sparked my interest. 

First up is CBS.  There are two shows announced that had me scratching my head because I never watch CBS.  Ever.  That just may change. 

 ELEMENTARY

My first reaction here was, 'A little late America'.  With the Guy Ritchie movies and the amazing BBC program "Sherlock", it seems that the concept of another Sherlock Holmes program would be a bit overkill.  But, one must take a moment and breathe.  Each take on the concept can work on their own much like the numerous shows about vampires that seem to grace our TVs now.  Plus, look at this cast!  Jonny Lee Miller is a brilliant actor and with Lucy Liu's recent stint on Southland, it's only right to have her in a show like this.  I'm just hoping it's as great as it looks and audiences take note.

 

 VEGAS

Ok seriously?  It's like this show was made for me.  60's Vegas? Check.  Dennis Quaid as a cowboy sheriff? Check.  Michael Chiklis? Yeah...I'm sold.

 

Next up is NBC.  Now, I have been having a bit of a love/hate thing with NBC recently.  It seems like whomever has been bringing in the shows there recently has been sniffing the funny stuff.  I've lost interest in The Office, haven't been able to really get into Parks And Rec, 30 Rock hasn't been funny for some time, and Community is going to be ending after a short final Season.  But, the list of new shows look intriguing and maybe someone over there is trying to throw everything against the proverbial wall to see what'll stick.  

 ANIMAL PRACTICE

I know what you're probably saying.  Really, Aaron?  Well, yeah, the concept seems a bit silly to me as well. But, I'll pretty much watch anything with Tyler Labine and Bobby Lee in it.  And that Justin Kirk ain't half bad either.  Plus the appearance of Matt Walsh in the trailer clinched it for me.  I'll watch this.

 

 GO ON

I will watch anything with Matthew Perry.  Anything.

 

 THE NEW NORMAL

Ryan Murphy has a new show and it's gay!  Ok, well so is Glee...and I suppose American Horror Story...but yeah GAY!  I'll give this show a chance because honestly, we need more gay themed sitcoms on mainstream TV.  Plain and simple. Plus, Ellen Barkin!

 

DO NO HARM

Honestly, I'm not too sure about this one.  It seems like a modern day TV telling of the Jeckyll and Hyde story.  And honestly, BBC's Jekyll was so fucking amazing, it'll be difficult to not compare the two.  I liked Steven Pasquale in Rescue Me, so I'll give this show a chance.

 

CHICAGO FIRE

Speaking of Rescue Me, here's a new show about firefighters!  The cast doesn't look half bad.  Plus it's from Dick Wolf, so we know it'll have some good procedural elements to it.  It's nice to know Chase has left working for House to become a fire fighter...but he probably needs to stop doing the American accent.  It's a little distracting.  Also some details to take note: it's nice to see Monica Raymund back on TV.  After Lie To Me was canceled, she was one of those actors I had hoped to see on some sort of screen again soon.  Also, Eamonn Walker has seemed to be a very underrated actor.  I first took note of him in Cadillac Records playing the legendary Howling Wolf.  He appeared in FX's Lights Out last year and he delivered such a great performance, I'm excited to see how his role in this pans out.

 

REVOLUTION

Probably the number one show debuting on NBC in the fall that I'm excited about.  Of all the shows listed here, this one looks like it's the closest in bringing the buzz and excitement that TV has been missing since Lost.  The heavy weights behind this will make this a sure fire hit.  JJ Abrams (Lost, Star Trek), Jon Favreau (Iron man), Eric Kripke (Supernatural), Bryan Burke (Fringe, Star Trek)....if this show doesn't deliver, NBC is fucked.  Having JJ Abrams' name attached looks great but as we've seen from Alcatraz, having a name attached isn't everything. Still... if it does succeed, it'll probably put NBC back on track with the ratings numbers they've been lacking in recent years.  

 

I never used to watch The CW.  The channel seemed to me like it was just The WB all over again.  The network's branding gives off a very cheesy feel so I just wrote off their programming.  That was until a friend turned me onto Supernatural.  Seriously, that show is great and I admit I was wrong.  Still, I've only watched that one show on The CW but that might just change very soon.

ARROW

Another super hero themed TV show.  When they work, they work.  Heroes was great during its first season. Then there was the cheesy failure that was The Cape. But super heroes have made their home on television before and The CW is bringing their version of DC's Green Arrow to the small screen. This trailer makes me think someone finally has gotten things right, maybe? We'll see. 

 

And while that's the only new show slated for the fall that I'll check out, they have also announced some interesting mid-season replacements for 2013 including Cult which'll star the always engaging Robert Knepper (that's Tea Bag from Prison Break, if you don't know).

ABC seems to be bringing some goofy new shows to their fall lineup.  I suppose they are trying to bank on their comedy successes Modern Family and Happy Endings, to name a few.

THE NEIGHBORS

Ok, this is bizarre.  Last year, ABC brought us the horrible show Work It, which was canceled in it's 3rd or 4th episode (I honestly don't remember).  Now they're bringing us The Neighbors.  The trailer has this Arrested Development style narration which makes me wonder if the whole show's story will be told in that fashion. And let's be honest here, the concept is simply bizarre.  Not a safe bet for network TV but I like weird and bizarre so I'll definitely tune in.

click here to watch

LAST RESORT

From the creator of The Shield, Shawn Ryan, comes back to television with Last Resort.  One of my favorite films is The Hunt For Red October and whether this show succeeds or not, it'd be nice having a submarine actioner on prime time.  It's always a plus to have a show take place on a tropical island, right?

 

666 PARK AVENUE

Goddamn this looks cheesy.  The only reason I even clicked to look at the trailer was because Terry O'Quinn stars as...Satan?  I'll give the show a shot just because he's in it.  The show is based on the book by the same name but after viewing the preview, it'll be hard to not be reminded of The Devil's Advocate upon watching.

 

Finally we are at Fox.  With the 8th and final season of House in the bag and Fringe's final season being announced for next year, I've been wondering how Fox is going to move forward.  There was a time when 24 was their legacy show and I feel like the Kiefer vehicle Touch hasn't really hit like they were expecting.  Plus, there were the major disappointments Alcatraz and Terra Nova (which I'm still pissed at for causing the cancellation of Human Target and Lie To Me).  There are three shows scheduled for the fall that look worth my time.

THE FOLLOWING

Alright, so maybe this one is scheduled for a mid-season replacement but still.  Immediately, I get a 24 vibe from this trailer.  Kiefer Sutherland reignited his career from film to tv as the world was introduced to Jack Bauer. And in the first minute, we're introduced to former FBI agent Kevin Bacon.  Oh and the subject matter here is about a serial killer network.  I'm so in.

 

THE MINDY PROJECT

I like Mindy Kaling.  A lot.  She was great in her small role in The 40 Year Old Virgin.  She has been amazing in The Office.  And now she is branching out to focus on her own show which she has a hand in as writer and producer as well as star.  The trailer comes off guy friendly while ultimately looking like a chick show.  Which means, I'll be able to watch this with my girlfriend.

 

THE MOB DOCTOR

I like medical procedural shows and I like mob stories and it looks like this just might be both.  It's your basic story about a surgeon who owes a debt to the mob and thusly begins working for them.  What makes this look worth-while is the writing as well as the cast which includes Jordana Spiro, Michael Rappaport, William Forsythe, and Zeljko Ivanek.  

 

So there you have it!  Those are my picks of new Network shows to look out for.  I didn't even begin to cover the upcoming Fall lineup for USA, AMC, and FX.  A man needs to stop typing eventually, you know!

#thatisall

click here to follow Aaron on the twitter!

Thursday
May172012

Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (Sex, Love, Or Dating: What Do You Want?)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @KennethArthurS

Do people really like to get in the bone zone or what?

This week on my blog I experienced an unusually high spike in activity and page views.  I had posted an article on Monday about casual sex on OKCupid and I thought to myself “Yep, people really seem to like this whole penis-into-the-vagina or however-you-prefer-to-do-it business!”  I mean, it makes a lot of sense.  People enjoy sex, they enjoy thinking about it and talking about it but because it can be a taboo subject sometimes it’s best to just read about others experiences on the internet.  I have basically no qualms talking about my sex life, as embarrassing as it may be, so I hope that my honesty can help others too and realize that you may not be the only pathetic one.  (Even though the majority of my readers are female, and I think that has its own effect by giving the opposite sex a male’s honest perspective.)

However, when I dug deeper I realized that it wasn’t my casual sex article that was giving my page views graph a boner.  It was an article I wrote weeks ago about Love and Science.  I guess through the Google, people were searching hard for love this week.  It was not sex that they craved but a more in depth retrospective on love, chemicals, and romanticism.  I guess that surprised me somewhat.  Why now?  Why love?  Why not the other articles where I talk about boobies and dongs?

Not that I’m complaining.  I’ll write about Bieber Fever if it triples my page views.

What I found myself pondering however was “What is it that people want and do they even know what they want?”  Do you want to find someone to date and not have it be serious?  Do you want to just rub sensitive parts against someone else for 5-15 minutes at a time?  Or are you “wookin’ pa nub”?  (Reference that maybe makes me sound very old.)  I think that’s part of the reason that people have such a hard time in the world of romance, because you either don’t know what you want or you’re lying to yourself.

Can you have casual sex if you’re desperately looking for a life partner?  Can you date someone if you don’t want to get serious right now?  Can you love someone that only wants to have sex?  The differences between dating, loving, and sexing are immense and confusion over what you want and what your partner(s) want will only leave you in want.  We can’t lie to ourselves and hope that people will change or that we will change because in the end you’ll be left with perhaps a broken heart or with someone else’s beating heart in your hand.  This is how people get hurt.

And then I have to ask myself that most important question: What do I want?

Do I just want to lay in the boneyard?  I think most men want that on some level, spending much of our adolescence thinking of nothing other than sex and then feeling like we’ve got some mission to do until we get married.  What happens after marriage, well, I can’t speak to that.  But do I only want to get it in or do I want to find love?  If I want to truly find a special girl, I have to stop thinking like a deviant and start thinking and feeling like it’s time to find the right girl.  People can see right through you if you pretend like you want to be in a relationship when in the back of your head you’re thinking “I wonder what she’ll look like naked.  And I wonder what the waitress will look like naked.  And I wonder what my boss will look like naked.” Until she finally stops you and says, “Hey, are you paying any attention to me?” because you’ve been staring into space for fifteen minutes.

You’ve got to be focused, you’ve got to be true, and you can’t lie to yourself about what you want.  Figure out what it is and stick with it and when it’s time to change, your heart will tell you.  Until then, stick with what you feel and go with it and that’s where you’ll find peace, serenity, and success.

Oh shit, this article just got super serious so I’m going to end with this:  Butts.  That is all.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

Tuesday
May152012

#NerdsUnite: Hey @VirginAmerica- Can you help these two nerds unite?

To whom it may concern at Virgin America,

Hi, I'm @JenFriel and I have two AMAZINGLY AWESOME friends by the name of @zrdavis and @ashleycrowl.

Here they are ...

Ashley is a KICK ASS rugby player that lives in DC and Zach works for a super popular tech blog and lives in San Fran. I travel a lot, so I've had the wonderful opportunity of meeting these two MULTIPLE times and hanging out - but I really really really think these two could be a good match in the love department. Dudes, I did 103 dates in 9 months, and I study social dynamics ... I will say with an EXTREME amount of confidence that I think this is going to work out. The only problem is, like most people right now - they're strapped for cash and can't afford to go visit one another.

So, I was thinking if we could possibly get a sponsored round trip ticket from you guys (and of course we'd blog and tweet about the entire weekend) we can get them to LA (where I live) and they can come kick it for a weekend and get to know one another. TNTML has a super popular base in LA so we'll even throw them a little shindig out here for finally connecting, and we can all see what happens.

You guys are the coolest airline out there, and I KNNNOOOWWW these two are perfect for each other, we just have to get them in the same room.

Want to know a super sweet back story about these two as well? Zach just hiked the Appalachian trail last year and Ashley actually baked him cookies and mailed them to him on the trail. True story. These two are a match made in nerdy heaven, and the sparks that happen in 140 characters is REDIC!!!

 Bottom line what we need: 1 round trip ticket from DC to LA.

(If you're feeling uber generous one from SF to LA would be appreciated too, however, I will personally pay out of pocket for Zach to get down here if necessary. A greyhound bus is only like $60. Sorry it's not as cool as Virgin Zach - but I'm doing the best that I can.)

Please help unite these two nerds, Virgin!!

Thank you SO FREAKING MUCH for your time. It's greatly appreciated.

<3

@JenFriel

And if everyone reading this post can please tweet this to Virgin:

"#NerdsUnite: Hey @VirginAmerica - Can you help these two nerds unite? http://bit.ly/Mh3zfM"

Fingers crossed, nerds!!

#nerdsunite

 

Friday
May112012

#NerdsUnite: Tales of a Pick Up Artist (Stop Observing, Get A Pair and Approach)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Anwar. We met in Florida last year, and it was because of him that I got to go out on a date with Steve Ward. True story - Anwar tweeted about Steve's Ustream broadcast, and that's where I asked him out. That shit cray! He's a rad mofo, and active in the pick up artist community (PUA) and wants to share his tips and tricks with you today. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ANWAR!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @AJonesPUA

Every night I go out I see the same social patterns. A group of men walk in, go to the bar, procure a drink then find a home based to observe the crowd.

A group of women walk-in run straight to the bathroom or bar, talk to their friends and park themselves at what they make home base for the evening.  

What I have discovered is that when men look at me they think "I'm weird" for going up to girls and talking to them. They think it's "weird" for me to dance with girls I barely know. THEY think it's weird to be social in general. This is why ladies see lines of men posted up on the walls of clubs and waiting for that "one" girl to pass by and grab their arm. (It doesn't work by the way, I've field tested this) In reality when you're in a social environment, it's actually weird for you NOT to be talking. 

For example, you see a guy in the bar leaning against the wall NOT speaking to anyone. The public perception will be that he is lonely and doesn't have any friends. Meanwhile, Lonely Guys sees Party Guy having the time of his life dancing, drinking and kissing girls. Party Guy may be getting rejected but Lonely Guy still think he's the shit because he has the courage to actually go after what he wants.

Men have to learn that the term "Less is more" has no relevance inside a social environment. The less you do the more of a weak impression you leave on people. Girls often associate social awkwardness with having no confidence and often brand you with the title of "The Creepy Guy." 

I went out alone for the first time in a long time last night. Initially, I went out to give a good happy birthday to my friend and to hangout for a while. While in my chill mode I took a stroll around the bar and I didn't open any sets, wasn't really motivated to talk to any females at this point, but I like to people watch on occasion.

Make my way downstairs to the first floor dance-floor, it's 12:14 (don't ask how I remember) and from the bottom of the stairs I got the perfect view to basically see everyone and observe for a second.

Now I want to describe this from right to left in detail you can understand. So in order from right to left this is what I see:

2 cute girls, 3 guys standing around, 4 beautiful women, 1 guy dancing around them trying to gain their attention, 3set mixed 2 girls and 1 guy,  5 guys screaming and fist pumping to make it look like they're having fun.

I see a few more guys staring at the dancers on the stage, a few more wallflowers, looking around. I start to think to myself, "Why do we waste so much time looking good when we come out to just stand around and observe others"?

We put on our best shirt, pants, and shoes. Brush our hair and teeth, put on Axe or cologne to smell good. Then go out, just to sit on the wall, grab at girls only too satisfied with telling our friends that, "I almost had her, dog!"

Askmen.com has an article that talks about Why do women go to nightclubs? When I read this I was amazed by how accurate the article actually was about descriptions of certain women who prance about in the nightclub.

According to 100 women polled, there are 3 main reasons why women attend nightclubs:
1-- To meet men - 64%
2-- To see what happens - 21%
3-- To have fun - 12 %
4-- Other (with boyfriend, on a date) - 3%

Take a minute to soak that all in guys.

...

Finished? Ok, good =) Because, this proves we have no business watching anything in the club. You have to be interacting with people to be seen in a nightclub. Women come in there knowing what type of guys they want to approach them and women are so slick, they'll even position themselves to be approached by YOU!

Are you unclear on the reasons why YOU want to go out to clubs? To be social? To have fun with your friends? To pick up girls? Own that decision before you walk out the door. Don't apologize for wanting to approach and leave your friends, this is why you came out, right?

When you go out long enough, you will start to see a pattern taking place. One of which is how people interact with each other, guys especially. Here's what I mean:

4 things guys do in the club to "TRY" get attention:

  1. Gather in a circle and shout lewd noises to get attention.
  2. Make an all guy dance circle and do the drunken pop n lock. (At least the black ones do)
  3. Stay on the walls and grab women by the hands trying to get them to turn around.
  4. Stare at women as they walk by them.

As men, we don't need to "try" at all to attract women. At the same time you must carry yourself in a manner of being carefree and friendly. Make a habit to smile while walking through the club, causally talk to guys and girls and build some social momentum before you start approaching women. Remember, 64% of females are out to meet a guy and 21% are just there to see what happens. Why not make it a good night for these women to remember and be "That Guy" that sweeps them off they're feet.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Anwar on twitter!