We interrupt this post to bring you a sex tip PSA from our friends over at LuckyBloke.com: One out of 4 sexually active people has an STD. (And new statistics indicate that in the next 5 years this will escalate to 1 out of 2.)
I just wanted to take a minute and say thank you to each and every one of you. I haven't been writing about what is going on behind the scenes as much lately, but that is only because some very very very big things are brewing and it is overwhelming me in an extremely emotional way.
Very honestly, I didn't expect to succeed with this website, I was just willing to die to find out. (I shit you not when I say that either. Two failed suicide attempts do wonders for ya psychologically in the whole "not giving a fuck department!") In 2009 I thought there was NO WAY I could launch a website because afterall the web had been around for so freaking long at that point and the so called "experts" had already been established. To have taken this idea that I had one day after seeing a trend at a tech conference and have it grow into this ... thing ... that I still spend half my day trying to figure out makes me grateful beyond words.
I can't begin to tell you how dark the first 24 years of my life were. Look, here's a picture I just found on an old external drive ...
Look at those eyes, man - SO MUCH FREAKING PAIN THERE!!!
There is no rule book in breaking free of a depression for every answer you ever have in life is ALREADY inside of you. It's true that no man is an island, but we are SO much stronger than we ever give ourselves credit for and if we are quiet and still enough to just take a listen ... everything will start to change.
My change came about with social media.
I've been on computers since I was 2, but chat rooms and forums growing up were my savior. I never had IRL friends, the people that were supposed to be family were complete shits ... but it was online that I found OTHER people who were friendless and shared all the quirky interests that I had myself as well.
I always felt so alone in life, but it was there in this digispace where I would spend hours and hours and hours connecting with these people who although I had never met COMPLETELY saved me.
I can't begin to tell you how common it is in the nerd-o-sphere to have anxiety, depression, and overall emotional instability. (I learned this after I published the story of my nervous breakdown at 22.) I'm CONVINCED that it is a core ingredient to being a nerd in the first place since we are so cerebral and CONSTANTLY analyzing things ... but I just want to say to the nerderino that is still suffering that it really DOES get better if you make a concerted effort to change.
How does one make a concerted effort to change??
You start doing things that feel good.
It really is that simple ... if it feels good you need to keep doing it. The SECOND it stops feeling good ... you need to stop. Social media felt GREAT to me, and while I had no idea how to make a living doing it, by following each step it lead me down the path to self awareness which then became the path towards my business. I couldn't have the business until I became self aware, so your own journey is your own destination. You can't rush things, you can only stay appreciative for every moment and WALK.IN.BLISS. since that vibration on an energetic level will only bring you MORE bliss which will then help you sustain your existence.
There is no rule book in life, there is no one that will judge you or say you've done this wrong because HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY MEEEEEEE!!! You have to do you, speak your personal truth at ALL times and SHOW UP FOR YOUR OWN LIFE!!!
Your truth will also change as you are on your journey - but the more articulate you become and the more IMPECCABLE you are with your word, the faster the universe will help you manifest.
Of course too, you will be tested along the way. Intimacy is STILL something I am struggling with, however after exploring how much of my life has been an expression of shame - a lot more has come into focus.
It took me getting over that shame to now be able to feel worthy and comfortable enough with this site becoming more public. Things that I have been able to control image wise with this site is going to quickly change, and these stories that I have written FROM MY SOUL are now about to be shown in a more public manner. Does that freak me out? ABSOLUTELY!! Even in talking to my dad earlier today he asked me how comfortable I would be with some of these interviews and the process this journey is going to now take me on. I have no choice but to accept all of this, as again it is part of the process for this brand, but I just wanted to say thank you all so so much for reading and so so much for your tweets and Facebook messages. I'm scared EVERY SINGLE DAY doing what I do, but waking up to your emails and reading your messages keep all of this going and is helping me tremendously get over my own fear of the next steps.
For that I thank you. I thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.
I can't believe I am finally this free. Holy shit this actually worked!