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<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>

 

 

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Entries in pete cashmore (20)

Thursday
Aug182011

#GreatestMomentofMyLife: My screenshot appeared on @Mashable (and here's how it happened!)

OMG OMG OMG OMG so yesterday was pretty much the greatest day of my life. For REALS!!! I can't fucking believe I made it onto the pages of Mashable!!!! Huge huge huge - but here's how it all went down ...

SOOOOOOOO, as you all know, there is a lot going on behind the scenes right now. I'm basically running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and attempting to stay mellow yellow while being acutely aware that that is an impossibility; bottom line: we're becoming an official business. Seed money, advisors, all that fancy pants stuff - it's going on right now.

Now, I know where I add value - I have really fun, and crazy adventures - and tell stories in real time as a lifecaster; I don't talk tech, I very literally live it. So boom, right there is my value add. When you're looking to build the foundation to something however, you need the support of a team that brings different things to the table.

<tangent> Think about it like this - how delicious would a Thanksgiving day dinner be if everyone brought the turkey??? Pretty damn boring! You need someone to bring the mashed potatoes, stuffing, and omg omg omg the cranberry sauce with the lines around it from the can. YUMMMM!!!! </tangent>

When it came to launching things it was SUCH a no brainer to involve Mashable's Ben Parr. (And very frankly, I was INCREDIBLY humbled he was even interested.) How did Ben and I meet? When I crashed the Grammys to meet Pete Cashmore!! He and I had met briefly prior at CES in 2010, but we actually got to sit down and grab a drink after I met Pete. Seriously, though, can I just say he is not only one of the smartest people I know - but also the nicest. For REALS!! You can't ever be mad at Ben, and for someone to achieve a level of success like he has, and be so effin grounded - wow. Such a diamond in the rough!!!!

Ben then went back to San Fran, and I went on with my life and my adventures in LA - while keeping in touch via social media.

Flash forward almost a year, and we had shizzy shiznat going on with the pilot. (See, it's not just a scripted show - but there are tech components integrated as well.) When it came to building a team for said components - calling in Ben was SUUCCHHHHHHHH a no brainer!! Not only do I adore the dude, but he knows his shit (obviously). So the suits and Ben got to talking ... and we've all been in this nerdy little love affair for the last few months. 

And now regarding yesterday, Ben came down to LA for a few days for meetings, and needed a place to crash. Dude, place to crash?! DONE! Mi casa es su casa!!! So he's been staying here for the last few days, and yesterday we were sitting at the kitchen table working, before heading out to dinner together, and I look over at my Facebook page and notice that page notifications were showing up in the left hand navigation along with the group and favorite notifications - I had never seen that before.

I turn to Ben and say hey! when did these start to show up??

He looks at my screen, looks back at his - I don't have that yet!

Dude, because it LITERALLY just showed up on my screen. Like right now.

Screenshot it for me, he said.

Alrite!

I then proceeded to screenshot my screen and email it to him, while he frantically started emailing the peeps at Facebook asking them about it.

Jen, you just might appear on Mashable if this is a new feature.

Wait, me? Jen Friel ... on fucking MASHABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dude, if that happens I am going to pee my pants.

Ben shouts over to my roomie - so Julie, if Jen pees her pants are you going to clean it up??

Julie comes storming in laughing - Jen's a big girl she can clean up her own pee.

EEWWEEEE!!!!!!

We all have a great laugh (HAHAHAHAHAA chuckle chuckle chuckle), Ben writes up the post, while giving Facebook an 8pm deadline on getting back to him before going to print.

We go have dinner and talk biz ...

 

(BEST CHOPPED SALAD EVERRR!!!!!!)

... and by the time we were done eating, and drive back home - I see this tweet:

Literally .25 seconds after it was up, you guys noticed. AH-MAZING!!!!!!!!

So yeah! There ya go! Ben and I were working at my kitchen table, I looked over and said dude! when did this happen, screenshot it, and BOOM!!! Now I'm on Mashable.

Have I said yet that this was the COOLEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME!??!!?!

HOLY FUCK!!!!

Love.

Love.

Love.

Love.

Love. IT!

I can die now.

Well, I take that back - I still have to have Pete Cashmore's babies.

Ugh! Fine - @mostlylisa is incredibly fabulous - fine fine fine, she can have them, I'll just watch.

Wait, that's creepy ... 

Are you still talking? Shut up Jen

Alrite, I gotta prep for LITERALLY the biggest meeting of my life today with Ben. For reals, nerds, just do what you love, man. Social media was IT for me!! Tech, people, marketing and entertainment in one package?? Hello, God? Is that you? Ah-mazing! Work really fucking hard, don't ever give up - and watch the magic happen. I've been reading Mashable for at least 3 years now (dudes, it's STILL to this day my homepage) and bam! just like that - now I've been featured on it.

Do what you love. Do what you love. Do what you love.

I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT POINTER SISTERS!!!


#GREATESTMOMENTOFMYLIFE

Thank you, @BenParr!!!!!!!!

Click here to see the screen shot for yourself- EPIC MOMENT OF EPICNESSSSSSSSSSSS!!

Saturday
Aug132011

#WTF: About last night ... can I get a rundown?

Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -- Homer Simpson.Wow. Wow. Wow. There are no words for how unbelievably weird this post is going to be ... IIIIIIIIIII still feel weird. In fact, I'm drinking a corona as I write this, if by the end the words start getting all mumble jumbley - blame that.

So, I'm super stressed right now. Like UNBELIEVABLY so. We're RIIIGGHHHTTTT at this point of shizzy shiznat about to get real, but the problem is that it's all happening at once - if I stop moving for 1 second one of the pots is going to boil over and I'm fucked.

When I get this stressed out, the only thing that shuts off my brain is sex. Like literally - I want my eyes rolled so far back into the back of my head and my body to be experiencing SUCH tremendous pleasure - that my lovies is the ONLY way I will ever stop thinking about this brand, or that oh, I need to email this person, did that person call me back? Where do we stand with xyz??

So as a backstory all that's going on ... you can imagine my delight last night when I get an email followed by a phone call from the duderino I met at comic con during his bachelor party that had poured his heart out to me after us meeting and then a few days later told me he and his fiance were done. Yahhhh!! WEIRD!!! Read the whole story here.

Wonderin' what I was up to ehhhhh????

 I sent him my number, and he called me right back. He told me he was about 300 miles out - so I knew he was going to be about 5 hours.

Perfect, I said. I'm just going to a dinner but we can meet up after and just hang out.

I'd really like that. Do you mind if I shower first though? I've been mountain biking for the last 2 days and am really dirty.

Me, now with the BEST MENTAL PICTURE EVER, muster up something along the lines of .. uh, yes.

<tangent> As I said in the original post - this guy is HANDS DOWN the HOTTEST GUY I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!! Yup, you heard that right and I'm superly duperly sorry Pete Cashmore, you know I love you ... but this guy - holy fuck. He is that perfect blend of sexy, cute, and flat out GORGEOUS. Like seriously ... I'm not even attracted to the GQ looking boys anymore, but this was one of those moments where you realize that woman-kind needs you. If you have the opportunity for a guy THIS gorgeous to get naked in a place where you get naked, women everywhere will have to bow down out of respect. You were the girl that got that shit done and put it on LOCK!!!!! </tangent>

So for woman-kind, yes, I was going to let him take a shower in my apartment. Was it weird because here I was at 3am after Comic Con meeting this dude in the lobby of a hotel, and now a few weeks later he was going to swing on by on his way back to San Diego to take a shower at my place? Absofuckinglutely!!!!!

That's what makes life awesome cause I spend it ...

(and I also checked with the roomster, and she was cool - so that made it all that much better)

 

So, we get back home from dinner - and he calls to ask for our addy ... I give it to him, and also ask that he picked up some corona before coming by. Hey, I wasn't sure what the fuck I was getting myself into with this one, but to use our shower the least you can do is just grab a 6 pack.

A few minutes later my phone blows up again -

hello?

I'm here! he says.

Why yes, I'll COME right down. ::snicker snicker snicker::

I look over at my roomie who was in the hallway announcing: 

I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM.

I'm not!! I barely know him ... no way. Not having sex with him. Nope nope nope.

She turns back without skipping a beat - who are you trying to convince of that fact? You, or me.

I laugh as I run out the front door to get him.

I walk outside, and see his truck in the street. Yes, of course, in the fantasy life of Jen Jen, the hottest guy I have ever seen would of COURSE drive a pick up truck with a mountain bike strapped to the back of it.

Such a fucking panty dropper.

I run up to his truck and tell him to just park anywhere.

He finds a spot, and a few minutes later he approaches with the corona and I take him upstairs.

I'm really dirty, he said, I don't want to hug you yet.

Why yes, yes you are a dirty boy - I think ... what actually comes out of my mouth was something along the lines of "shower is this way."

I didn't even show him how to use the damn thing because frankly I was busy still picking my jaw up with how UNBELIEVABLY GORGEOUS this guy is!!!

Like seriously ... I NEVER EVER get like this about dudes unless they are Pete Cashmore!!! This guy is like Pete's hotter older brother with a body like Beckham, and the height of an adonis.

Perfection. Whoever made that thing needs to like be plucked from the general population and tested for some genetic mutiny. There is NO WAY two mortals should have EVER been able to produce something like that. For reals.

I crack open the corona (12 pack - good job duderino!), and as I am opening one for my roomie as well, my phone starts ringing.

Oh god, who could this be ...

Oh yes, it's my Fornication Under Consent of the King buddy. I. KID. YOU. NOT.

Apparently I must have been putting on full blast with just how UNBELIEVABLY horny I was and he read the bat signal.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, I say as I start laughing and dancing around the kitchen. Of COURSE, he would call now. I haven't talked to him since what happened last week.

I ignore his calls and after about the third try, he leaves a voicemail. To protect his identity I won't upload it, but I can transcribe it:

We are never around each other when I want to get fucked, or you want to get fucked. It's Awful. Awful. Anyway that's what I was thinking for the evening ::chuckle:: obviously. If you get this give me a call, alright bye.

I take a swig of the corona and start laughing HYSSTTERRRIIIICALLLLYYYYYY ... of COURSE this would be happening right now. HAHAHAHA!! Omg, my life has now entered the realm of ridiculousness.

The roomster and I sit down on the couches in the living room and a minute later he emerges from the shower.

No, not in a towel dripping wet asking to be dried off as he can't quite reach his back - that was just in my fantasy. ::sigh::

In reality, he was perfectly dressed with wet hair, and smelling DAAMMMNNNNNN GOOD.

He approaches me, here - now I can give you a hug.

OMG, I think - the hottest guy I have ever seen has now just felt my boobies on his chest. Like seriously - is this happening right now?!?!?! Breathe Jen ... DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE!!!! Well actually, he's in the military - forget to breathe, he might have to perform CPR ... that could be hot. ::slaps my inner voice:: Stop it!!! Stay present.

He sits down next to me on the couch with open arms and legs - VERY INVITING BODY LANGUAGE!!!

Can I get you a beer?

Yeah! Just one though - I'm only going on two hours sleep.

AHHH so you'll be tired soon, I think. ::insert Mr. Burns voice:: Excellent.

He then starts talking about his ex fiancée ... and when I mean he starts talking - I mean he starts TAAALLLKKIIINNNGGGGG!!!!!!

This dude is only 24 and was about to marry this woman til DEATH DO THEM PART - and now that's gone. Albeit, yes there were also certain "perks" that came along with being married when in the military (click here to read the original post).

I totally recognize that he is at the point in his life where he is in need of an epic adventure. For reals, he totally had the good boy syndrome growing up with a troubled family, then did the good boy thing of getting engaged to the girl that he had been dating for a few years - and because he wasn't listening to his heart, BAM he ended up here. Well, technically speaking SHE ended the engagement by updating her Facebook status before actually talking to him about it. So super fucking weird. Dudes, have you not read the original post? What's going on here!?!? GO! READ!!

After about an hour of us all talking, I reach down and grab my phone, pretending to respond to an email and text my roomie on the other couch.

SHHH!! Stop it logical, and AWESOME roomie!!!

I. want. to. bone.

I. need. to. bone.

This. has. to. happen.

FACT

The conversation sways to political parties, and I quickly nip that in the bud. So, you're more than welcome to take my bed, and I can sleep here on the couch.

<tangent> for reals - from a logistics standpoint this guy has to be EASILY 6'3, there is no way in hell he is going to fit on our couch. I on the other hand am merely 5'7 - and can perfectly fit; it all made perfect sense. </tangent> 

I go into my bedroom and show him where he was going to sleep.

You're not really going to sleep on the couch, he said.

Um, well, if you would like me to sleep in here with you I will, but I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. I can sleep on the other side ... 

He interrupts me - it's fine.

I went into the bathroom and changed into my PJs - however, this time, there weren't sock monkeys on them. HAHA!!

I walk back into my room expecting him to be stripped down with the ceiling fan fanning him juuuuussssttttt right - and there to be this air of ... come hither baby.

I walk into my room and there he is. Still in his clothes, looking at my framed poster of the first time I shot at a shooting range.

Yep, that was my first time - dude, look at that grouping!!

Pretty good! He says.

I then proceed to get under the covers.

He removes his shirt, stands up and says, well I didn't have any clean underwear to put on after moutain biking, so I'm not wearing anything under these jeans.

OMG in the porno that is my life, that line could NOT have been delivered any better. SERIOUSLY!! Did that just come out of your mouth??

"Well I didn't have any clean underwear to put on after moutain biking, so I'm not wearing anything under these jeans."

MY.HORMONES.ARE.RAGING!!!!!

I take a few deep breaths as his half naked, still jeaned self climbed into my bed and under the covers.

OMG, I think. The hottest guy I have ever seen in my entire life is now half naked in my bed. I AM WINNING AT LIFE!!!

WINNING
WINNING
WINNING

He then tells me that after being in the military he can't sleep in silence because his ears have a permanent ring to them.

Oh dude, no problem! I normally have to fall asleep to netflix just to shut my brain off.

I climb out of bed and run over to my macbook pro and pull up my account. To my delight, Ape to Man pulls up from the History Channel.

OMG OMG OMG OMG!! YES!! I've been wanting to watch this!!! Do you like the History Channel?

Of COURSE, he says.

Oh yeah - we're totally going to bone, I think.

I get back under the covers and then realize how far awwaayyyyyy from me he is. For reals, I only have a queen size bed - and I never realized there was THAT much room in this thing. Note to self: threesome can totally go down on a queen. SCORE!

But wait, I thought, why is he all the way over there, and I'm all the way over here. Ruh roh.

He then starts talking ... and talking ... and talking.

Again, peeps like pour their soul to me - I'm not mad at it, I get it all the time - I'm used to it. But right now, I'm horny, you're half naked ... words need to not be a part of this.

Then as we're both laying there awkwardly - my phone starts BLOOWWINNNGGG up ...

OMG not now - talk about a buzz kill.

Sorry, the bars are getting out - it's just my friend.

He then continues to pour his heart and soul out ... and 20 minutes later, it starts up again.

I go to reach for my phone which was charging on his side of the bed. Wait, I quickly realize my boobs are going to be straight up in his grill if I continued (this may not be a bad thing Jen!!) - no, respect him, and stop being the dude. Let HIM make the first move ... you need to be the chick Jen Friel!

I ask him to hand me my phone, where I turn it onto silent.

WHEW!

He then continues talking ... for LITERALLY hours. Like hours hours he's laying in my bed half naked talking about his life, and where he wants to go with it - and how confused he is now.

I explained to him that I was the same way when I started my website. I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew it felt good - so I had to keep going. I had nothing else to win or lose in life.

He said he understood, and my eyes slowly started to close. I continuously snapped myself out of it. No, Jen, you MUST stay awake!! Woman-kind needs you to bone this dude tonight. This is a ONCE in a lifetime opportunity to bed an adonis ... must. be. done - literally.

Somewhere past the point of feeling like I needed to charge for a therapy session, I fell asleep.

I can't believe he actually just used me for my brain not my body. I feel like such an emotional slut.

He then wakes me up by saying, I can't sleep in these jeans - they're too uncomfortable.

I reach over and grab my big red blanket. Here, take off your pants and wrap this around you. I can't promise at one point I won't sneak a peek, but I will be INCREDIBLY respectful - you are a guest in my house.

Thanks, he says as he grabs it.

But I also have a habit of kicking off covers during the night as I get too hot.

LIKE SERIOUSLY!?!?!? QUIT WITH THE BAD PORNO LINES DUDE!! MY HORMONES CAN'T HANDLE IT!!!

I place the pillow over my face - I can't take this anymore. I can't ... I CAN'T!!!!

Well, what do you want to do?

I want you to kiss me, I say breaking my own rule of making the dude make the first move.

He stays on his side of the bed for a moment, and I slowly start to realize he is turning me down.

AHHH fuck, I say under my breath. Back under the pillow, I think. I really just want to crawl back into my hole right now.

Just then, he leans over and kisses me. Like HAAARRRRRRRDDD.

FUCK YES!!!!!!

He pulls back, is this on the record or off?

If you get me off - it's off, I think.

Off the record if you want it to be, I say. I'm always incredibly respectful of other people, this just happens to be what I choose to do with my life.

He kisses me again.

And that ladies and germie men is where I have to leave it - I promised him no matter what happened, I wouldn't say anything.

I can however, say that sadly, we didn't bone - just had a whollleee lotta heavy petting.

And that my friends, was good enough to silence my inner animal.

WHOOP WHOOP!!

Woman-kind: 1

Man-kind: 0

#YAYLIFE

 

Tuesday
Jul122011

#TrueStory: I crashed the 2010 Grammy Awards to meet @PeteCashmore

A hoi hoi nerderinos,

So, it occurred to me yesterday after my meeting with the fancy pants management agency - that I totally haven't written out my entire story yet on crashing the grammys last year. Sure, there's a vid, and there were all the posts done in real time - but this is different ... I never really told you all in written word how it was done.

And here's the song that goes with the post ...

Picture it ... January 2010 ... approximately 2 weeks before the 53rd annual Grammy Awards.

I was sitting on Twitter one January afternoon, (ha so what else is new), and I saw this tweet come in from @petecashmore saying that he was coming down to LA in a few weeks for the Grammys.

SHUT.

THE.

FRONT.

DOOR.

Pete Cashmore in LA?!?!?! Whaaaatttttt!!! That never happens!!!! <tangent> Now, for those of you who still may be unaware of who Pete is ... he is totally the Brad Pitt of social media. He founded the most influential social media blog on the net - Mashable. Huge huge huge huge huge fan. To this day it's still my home page. Huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge huge fan of his noggin, and his naughty bits. </tangent>

I completely started freaking out, and immediately jumped on Facebook and scanned my friends to see who I either 1. knew that worked at CBS, or 2. knew had connections with an uber famous musician. Alrite, maybe not uber famous, but I'd take one hit wonder, or brothers with the band.

Either way, after LITERALLY an entire night scanning, the next morning I put up a status update asking if anyone had any connections, that I above everything else in life ... needed to meet Pete Cashmore when he was in LA.

My friends commented, and totes thought I was nuts - so what else is new.

A week goes by ... and I was RELENTLESS in my calls, emails, and general follow ups with ANYONE that would listen to me.

Dude, do you have anyone ...

He cuts me off, "no Jen. I have no fucking connections to the Grammys."

Okay, do you know anyone that -

NO!!!!!

I started to take a hint ... my friends were starting to hate me.

The days before the Grammys, I grew increasingly more stressed out.

UGGHHHHHH!!! How is it I've lived in this town for 6 years, I know EVVVEERRRYOONNNNEEE and yet I can't get someone who could just loan me a pass for the red carpet?? Not even the event!!! The red carpet!!!

I stopped thinking about it for a few days, and come Saturday, the tweets started coming in.

"Jen Jen Jen! @petecashmore is here! Are u going to look for him?"

"Jen! Did you get your tickets to the grammys to see @petecashmore."

I felt like such a failure at that point. I couldn't believe I let you guys down.

The mantra "where there is a will there is always a way" ran through my brain. You can do this, Jen. Stop psyching yourself out. Where there is a will there is a way ... where there is a will there is a way ... Where there is a will ...

I decided in that moment to make a declaration: I am going to meet Pete Cashmore on the red carpet at the Grammys. I don't know how, but I am going to - I am just going to allow it to manifest.

I then decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, and head down to the Staples Center (where they were holding the Grammys), and see if just by walking around the grounds, I might bump into him.

I livestreamed on Ustream both the ride to downtown, and then walking around while I was down there.

Hi guys! I said rather perkily into the camera on my Motorola Droid that utilized the UStream app to livestream.

I then proceeded to interview people around the Staples Center asking if they had seen Pete.

Most looked at me like I had 17 heads.

Pete, who?

CASHMORE!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG do you not read Mashable??? It's my BIBLE!!!!

Hahahaahahaha the looks people gave me were fucking epic, man. They all thought I was nuts. Dudes, I was just SOOOOOOOO excited that Pete was coming to LA ... MY TOWN!!! This is my home!!! I can TOTALLY do this!!!

I didn't find him that Saturday afternoon. But I did have a pretty gnarly time just putzin around. It always felt great to get out from behind the computer.

I went home that afternoon, and headed over to work at the little Kosher restaurant I worked at in Beverly Hills to make some cash in-between consulting gigs.

I remember sitting down at the table doing side work thinking - I'm going to meet Pete Cashmore tomorrow. I don't know how ... I don't know why ... but I am going to do this. It doesn't have to make sense, life doesn't make sense. I just have to be present. Go Jen, go!

My co-worker looks up and asks why I am smiling.

Because tomorrow, I am going to the Grammys.

Uh, sure Jen. Can you help me put these forks on the top shelf?

Ugh. Fine.

I worked my shift until about midnight, came home - and went to bed. Tomorrow, I am going to go to the Grammys. This is IT!

8 hours later, the sun hits my face ... I take a deep breath to take in the morning air.

I start to cough.

Oh no, I'm congested.

I pull the covers down ... I get chills up and down my arms.

Oh no ... I have chills.

OH NO I'M SICK!!!

NO NO NO NO NO NO this isn't happening today. I can't be sick ... why now??

I go over to the mirror. FUCKKKKK!!! I look like shit.

My eyes were sunken in, my face looked shiny and red.

Go back to sleep - get some rest. You have to get better. You have to get better.

I fall back asleep ...

4 hours later, the comforter falls off the bed and I am awoken by the chill.

OMG OMG OMG!! What time is it???

I look over at the clock - Fuck! It's like 1pm. What time is the red carpet?

AHHHH!! I don't have time to google it. Fuck fuck fuck. I can't believe I slept this late. I can't do it now. Fuck fuck fuck.

I got in my car and drove to the nearest Coffee Bean.

Fuck, I thought. I can't believe I messed this one up.

I got on Ustream and began livestreaming - I started talking to the camera ...

I'm really sorry guys, I couldn't do it. I'm not going to the Grammys today.

The tweets and chats started coming in.

Come on Jen! You can do it!

Why not just show up? What can happen?

You know, that's not a bad idea, I thought.

My semi- jovial mood then got unbelievably serious. If I can actually pull this off, you need to understand from me RIGHT NOW before this becomes a cliche - that where there is a will. there is always. always. always. a way.

I turned off Ustream, drove back home, and went into my room.

I am going to try to crash the Grammys. I am going to try and crash the Grammys. How the fuck am I going to be able to crash the Grammys.

Stop it big brain, I can do this. I don't need you.

I then went over to my closet, and grabbed a super sleek and sexy red dress from BeBe that I had from my modeling days.

Okay, this will do I say as I squeeze my slightly larger than size 2 bum into the already tight dress.

Spanx!!! Baby may got back, but the world need not know!!!

I then proceeded to suck in and pull every bit of my badonkadonk into my spanx, and then zipped up the dress.

My breathing, which was already squashed up due to being congested became increasingly more shallow.

Stop it, body. I need you now. One foot in front of the other.

I didn't do my hair, I put on about 30 seconds worth of make up, and ran out the door.

I got in the car, dropped the top in my beetle convertible and got on Ustream.

I am on my way to meet Pete, nerds!!! =) =) =)

On the way there, I began shaking. I have no plan of attack. I can't believe I have no plan of attack. Who goes into a battle without a plan of attack?

Okay ... okay ... just keep Ustream on at all times, and pretend like you are already recording because you are that super famous, and are just looking for the red carpet. See how far that gets you.

I drove the 20 minute drive, and parked in the garage of the Staples Center - which btw, was obviously packed.

I remember getting on the escalator - clicking my 5" hooker heels thinking - please don't get arrested today, Jen. Whatever you do ... just don't get arrested.

OMG, I thought - I am totally going to get arrested.

I got to the top of the escalator, and the LAPD choppers flying over head were confirmation. Yep, I am going to get arrested.

I walk over to the main entrance just outside of LA Live. I immediately get stopped by security as I try to walk into the restricted area.

Excuse me, woah woah woah. Why are you filming - the security guard grabs my phone, which was also my camera that I was using to livestream.

Excues me, sir. You are not allowed to touch my camera. I am livestreaming!!! (that's right Jen, stay confident. You stand that ground, girl!!)

Ma'am - I don't care who you are, turn that damn thing off, and show me your pass.

Ohhhhhh my pass? I don't know where it is officer. My publicist has it, and I just need to look for her.

Alrite, well she's clearly not here. SO LEAVE!

Woooahhhh ... I think. Testy, testy.

I then turn back to my phone - sorry guys, have to turn off the livestream. I'll be updating via twitter.

I walked about 20 steps back from the main entrance and thought - well there's gotta be a side entrance I can try. Just because I can't walk through the front door, doesn't mean I'm not allowed in.

I then walked about 150 steps to the right, and over into the garage.

My throat just then started to tickle from feeling so ill.

Ugh!!! I should get something to drink.

I walk over to the Coke machine.

MMMMMMM DIEETTTTTT COKKKEEEE!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!! It's not only delicious, but it'll perk me up!

I put the $1.50 into the machine, and take out the diet coke.

I take a sip .... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I then walked through the garage, and to the other side of the parking structure.

I walked out and start talking to people with badges.

Excuse me, has anyone seen Pete Cashmore?

Pete who?

Do you guys know where the red carpet press entrance is?

Yeah, sure - it's over around back, just cross the street.

Cross the street??? Holy crap! That's a whole street length difference than the main entrance. I'm getting CLOSER!!!

I begin crossing the street, and realize, I was already past the first checkpoint.

Wait, that was too easy. Does no one think to go around to the side? Really?

I walk over to the red carpet area. I start taking a sip of the diet coke as I walk past two LAPDs.

Wait, was that a checkpoint? Omg - I'm past two now??

I continue sipping the Diet coke, not looking directly at anyone's face - merely browsing through the crowd, and walking with a purpose.

I continue to drink ... and pass through two more checkpoints.

The total at this point is now four that I have literally just breezed through while drinking my diet coke.

I walk down the sidewalk, and am lead through the parking garage on the other side of the Staples center from where I got the diet coke.

Okaaaaayyyyyy, I think - now what. The red carpet is still a couple hundred yards away. I look back, and see the officers. I can't go back, fuck.

I start walking over to the red carpet - I walk through the on air talent lunch area. Wait, was that just? Keep walking Jen, I thought.

The red carpet had a tent up over it, and at the beginning of it, all passers by were stopped and asked to show credentials.

HMMMMMM ... no credentials.

I'm sure I could have printed out fake passes from something, somewhere ... but I was INCREDIBLY conscious of doing this without committing fraud. A little white lie here and there I could live with, but printing out a fraudulent document was totally bad karma, and I needed karma more than EVER on my side.

I walk up to the security guard. Hi, name please.

Oh, hi. You know, I'm not quite sure what I'm under. My name, or my publicists. I take out my license, can you just check under, Jen Friel - I hand her my license.

Jen Friel ... Jen Friel ... Jen Friel ... nope. Nothing.

What's your publicist's name?

Hold on, let me give her a call.

I step aside from the line, and stand over by a fence while I casually start playing with my phone.

After about a second, two officers approach me.

Breathe Jen, breathe. Stay cool, and you won't get arrested.

They motion something to each other and point back at me.

I freak out.

I then take an ode from Mystikal (shake it fast), and pretend to drop my phone.

 

I bend over displaying my badonkadonk to the coppers. (Mind you, my dress was tea length, so it wasn't like they got "THAT" kind of view ...  but imagine a big booty in a super duper tight red dress. That's what they got!)

I stand up, poofing my hair.

Oh, hello officers.

Hi, they both say in stereo, with shit eating grins on their faces.

Are you guys having fun working this event?

Yeah, it's alrite, one of the officers replied.

Do you guys get any special behind the scenes access? Thinking I could use these dudes to get back to meet Pete.

No, we just have to make sure no one is trying to gain access to the red carpet without a pass.

Oh, I thought. hahaha who would be so dumb as to try and crash. Are the helicopters and LAPD presence not intimidating enough for some people?

You'd be surprised. Every year, we get some.

I then lower the volume on my phone causing the droid to temporarily vibrate.

Oh, excuse me officers - I'm buzzing.

I pretend to answer the phone as I walk away from the officers.

I make it about 50 yards play talking before I hang up the phone. FUUUCCKKKKKKK MEEEEEEE!!!

I start walking back over to the on air talent lunch area, and sit down at one of the folding tables.

I can't do this, I think. I really have no idea how to get into this place - it's on lockdown, there are cops.

I can't believe I couldn't figure this out. If I set my mind to something - it always ends up working out. What's going on with this?

I then pulled up Twitter. And read this tweet in my feed from @meganleap ...

Saying walk if you can, crawl if you must ... but whatever you do, don't give up! 

 

Fuck it, I have nothing to lose I thought. If I have to CRAWL my way onto that red carpet - I will figure this out.

Just then, and yes, dramatic cliches do exist in real life ... I looked up, and I saw this guy with a badge on leading two women behind him onto the red carpet - neither of the two women had badges on. I quickly picked myself up, and walked directly behind the last girl, and stared down at my twitter feed. Keep walking ... keep walking ... look down at your tweets, read the feed ... and KEEP WALKING.

I walk past the final checkpoint without being stopped. My right foot hits the red carpet.

I flip my Droid, which was already facing downwards, into camera mode - and snap my first step walking onto the carpet.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMFG!! I MADE IT ONTO THE RED CARPET.

I then proceeded to snap more pictures to at least document making it onto the red carpet - with or without Pete Cashmore being there.

This was the actual dress worn by the woman I was walking behind.

This was just a random blurry picture I snapped out of sheer excitement.

DUDES!!! I CRASHED THE GRAMMYS RED CARPET!! FUCK THIS IS AWESOME!!!

I then walk into the main area, and this is what I saw ...

People. Lots and lots and lots of people.

I walked over to the nearest little enclave I could find - the area where Access Hollywood was standing.

I cozied in with the reporters, again pretending to look down at my phone.

Just then, I look over and hear - Situation! Situation! Sitch!

I lift up my phone, and snap this picture ...

Then, I hear this security guard scream ... MISS!!!!!

Oh fuck, I thought - I've been caught. I don't have a badge, I don't belong. Hello Betty, my new roommate inmate.

No unauthorized photos on the red carpet! You must put all non-professional cameras away.

HAHAHAAHA!! Just put my phone away? Oh not a problem duderino. I can keep it down.

I turn off the camera feature, lift my hand up as to show a sign of surrender - and proceed to tuck myself into the group as tightly as I could.

Who's this guy, the camera man asks the other.

I dunno.

I look up, Jason Mraz, I say to the camera guy.

Who the hell are you? He pipes up.

Whoops! Sorry - force of habit. Nerds are SUCH know it alls.

I lift my phone up as high as I can as Jason approaches Access Hollywood, and snap this picture ...

Then, Linkin Park came up for their interview.

OMGJFIAJFA"JFEO"JRIAJIEAJFADKFAD"FJAE(RJWEAIPFJEADFIJFDIA"FJAD"FJDAF{DJFIEEA

I was shoulder to shoulder with CHESTER!!!!!!

I was next to Access Hollywood while they interviewed Jason Mraz, Linkin Park, Zac Brown Band, and LMFAO - it only lasted for about 10 minutes, but I kid you not, those were some of the most INTENSE 10 minutes of my life. 

Sheer excitement was replaced my fear ... which was then again replaced by excitement.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!! I DID THIS!!!! I SUCCESSFULLY CRASHED THE GRAMMYS RED CARPET!!!!

But, where is Pete?

I lifted my phone up a bit to begin tweeting Pete that I was here, and just then - as in yet again another real life dramatic cliche - the crowd cleared a bit, and up at the front of the carpet I saw a super tall, super chiseled chin duderino.

OMG OMG OMG OMG!! THAT CHIN!!! YES IT'S PETE CASHMORE!!!

I run over ... I mean literally, I am running in my 5" hooker heels.

I approach.

Pete!!!!!

He gives me one look, and immediately knows who I am.

Hi, Pete - my name is Jen Friel.

He walks towards me. Congratulations, you did it. I've been reading your tweets. <tangent> For months on the site when we first launched I had a Daily Tweet to Pete section. HAHAHA!! Uber uber uber dweeb moment!! </tangent>

I then realize once he says congratulations that holy fuck - I did this. Holy fuck, I did this ... where there is a will there REALLY REALLY REALLY IS ALWAYS A WAY!!!

My mind goes blank.

I blurt out, PETE! I knew it was you by that chiseled jaw you have.

I slightly turn my face to the right and mime a facepalm. Really Jen?!?! Of ALL the things to say to Pete Cashmore, you say THAT!?!?!

Oh yes, I said that.

WHYAREYOUSTILLTALKINGJENFRIEL!!!!

Pete and I stand there awkwardly for a moment.

Well, we should take a picture! He says.

YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! You have a pass, they prolly won't yell at you. Yes! Let's take a picture. He then hands my phone to one of the founders of Tumblr, and he snaps a picture ...

Yep there I am. Red BeBe dress. 30 seconds worth of makeup. Didn't do my hair, rockin my grandmother's old necklace.

But FUCK YEAHHH!!!!! THERE I AM WITH PETE FUCKING CASHMORE ON THE RED CARPET AT THE GRAMMYS. I MANIFESTED THIS MOMENT!!!!

Hahahaha it's funny, when that picture was taken I was totally having an out of body moment.

Actually, if we're going to get all technical - I have photographic documentation of two out of body moments ... here I am on The Price is Right back in 2005 as well.

It's trippy to dream of something for so long ... whether it's meeting the duderino you want to make hot nerdy babies with ... or something you've wished for your entire life, and hoped for one day to get to do - it's all still weird. And there's no other word for it. It's like wow, this is my time ... right now ... I am conscious in this moment that I am doing something EPIC!!!!

See, your brain can't handle epic moments - like at all. The second you have that thought, it shuts down and you kinda feel like you're floating mixed with a sensation of overall joy.

I stood there for a moment after the picture was taken, still out of body, still frozen.

Pete then said he had to go, I said I understood and thanked him.

Wow. Breathe Jen Friel, that just fucking happened.

I didn't watch Pete walk away, I just stood there in this haze. How the fuck am I going to tell THIS story?!?!?!? I thought.

I then tweeted out the picture.

I FOUND HIM I FOUND HIM I FOUND HIM!!!!!!

My twitter feed BLLEEWWWWW UPPPPPPPPPPPP with congratulatory tweets.

I stood there for a moment reading them.

Then, more people starting to come down the carpet, and I realized I was in the way.

Alrite, now I have to get out of here, and still manage to not get arrested for trespassing.

I walk out this time through the front door, and haul ass through all the checkpoints.

1 ...

2 ...

3 ...

4 ...

Then, I see an exit leading to a side street where I could bypass the rest of the checkpoints.

I. AM. OUTTA. HERE!!!

The second my feet hit public property a swoosh of relief came over me.

I did this. I had no connection, no passes, no nothing - just SHEER WILL.

I fucking did this.

It took me another 20 minutes to get back to my car, but I cannot even BEGIN to describe to you the feeling that I had when I closed the door, and began to pull away.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!! I screamed as I started honking the horn!!

FUCK YEAH!!! I DID THIS!!!!!!

After I crashed the Grammys, I went home and did laundry.

Literally.

There was no big ceremony for me doing it, no - nothing. I went in and told my roommates who were floored, (a nice marble variety), but this was for the first time in my life something I did entirely for myself. Meeting Pete Cashmore was hands down one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Not because he is attractive and intelligent - although, yes he is both ... but because I set my mind with a very specific goal and broke down the next doable actions to be able to execute.

I didn't have a plan, I just stayed present, listened to my gut, and took every opportunity that was then handed to me, and played the best card.

Dudes, that is what life is ALLLL ABOOOUUUTTTT!!! We never have plans, we just have to stay present, listen to our guts, and take every opportunity to play the best cards that we are dealt.

THAT.IS.IT.

Easy peasy.

We are our own worst enemies in life. My own brain, and body that morning didn't want to go to the Grammys. I psyched myself out - but the best part is, is that I rose above. I told my big brain to shut up, and trusted my ability to be present, and my ability to think quickly on my feet (thank you improv classes at Groundlings).

Where there is a will there is always. always. always a way, guys. I now know that more than ever - and you can VERY SINCERELY do ANNYYTHIIINNNNGGGG you set your mind to.

Peace love and lollipops =) xoxoxoxo

Oh, here is the vid I made a few hours after I crashed ...

and here are some of the real time posts ...

Here's one

and here's two

Keep on keepin on TNTML!!! Wahoo!!! 

#nerdsunite

Sunday
May222011

#NerdsUnite: Hey Andy, I think you're dandy! 

Alrite, so I have to let you all in on a little secret ... I have a new crush ... and I'm crushin bbbbaaaaaadddddd.

 

Picture it ... this morning, still in my effing gear hoodie, cow pajama pants, snug as a bug in my lil' red blanket ... I'm catching up on VH1's Top 20 countdown, since I only listen to internet radio I make solid attempts to stay relevant on normal pop culture.

I had DVRed it, and this video catches my eye ... it's from this dude named Andy Grammer.

First off, I have absolutely never, ever heard of this dude. Like at all. But GOOOOD LOOOORRRRRRDDDD he is beautiful. Like seriously ... look for yourself ...

 

... and here's one showing off his playful side ...

He's so RIDICULOUSLY hot it's like not even funny.

SERIOUSLY!!! I have not seen such hotness since Mr. Pete Cashmore himself!!

UGH! Pete. Cashmore. ::droooooolllll::

Wait, back to Andy.

Dudes, just check out his video. Tell me his spirit and charisma doesn't like BLEED through!!

DWIIGGHHHHTTT!!!!

It's REEEEEDICCCCCCC how rad this dude seems. Like straight up, down, left, and right - I have to have.

I'm going to just automatically assume that you have a girlfriend, because anyone that awesome totes would. SOOOO!!! How about you and I, as fellow dwellers of Los Angeles, totes meet up at a coffee shop or whatevs and I can stare at you awkwardly through the window.

She can't be mad at that right?

OOORRRRRR

fine. fine. I know that might get weird. Well not for you, but for other people in the coffee shop. Dude, don't mess - most guards taser! EEP!!!

Got any shows coming up in LA I can like live tweet from??? (@JenFriel on twitter)

I'm only midly psychotic. You can read my bio here. And yeah - I dunno. I think you're super cute. And I'm kinda asking you out on my blog (which FTR, I don't consider a blog, we are a revolution), so whatcha say. You game?

Oh, and I will warn you though, I crashed the 2010 Grammys just to meet Pete Cashmore. (See video here.)

Translation: I am a very. very. very. motivated human being.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Love,

@JenFriel aka That Nerdy Chick

PS. I'm 20 seconds away from writing I <3 Andy on my underwear. Big fan o'your face.

K ... Thx ... Bye ...


Friday
Apr152011

#TrueStory: I lost my virginity in a cheap motel to a boy I met in a pool hall 

HAHA totally not kidding either. Not that I feel like this isn't an obvious one, but mom … dad … love you … go away. You don't need to read this. Like ever. I'm safe, used protection, yada yada yada.

Cool they gone? Bitchin! HIT IT!

So I finished high school early, and was planning on moving out to NYC. I was going to be studying at the Lee Strasberg Theater Institute in Manhattan, and the parentals were gracious enough to help out with an apartment literally 1 minute from the school. Yep, I had my own apartment at 17 in Manhattan. Kinda rad … but either way, I had this odd irrational fear that by being a virgin and officially "living on my own" - I would do something stupid … or boys would be able to smell that I was a virgin and it would be weird.

Dude, I'm totally not kidding. I literally thought people could smell that you were a virgin. I'm sure I even justified said irrational fear by saying that well technically speaking, the sweat your body secretes when you have anxiety over a situation you've never been in before …. blah blah blah. I assure you, I probably at the time had a very valid reason for thinking this - hahahaaha I was killer in debate, and loved researching weird shit online.

I never dated in high school. Like at all. Like anyone. Like ever. Well, Joshie and I kinda dated twice - but he didn't want anything serious until he had his license and frankly at that point, I was already done with school. But yeah - either way, I had very literally no one on my radar screen.

My best friend and I followed a bit of the alternative crowd, so we used to go to some pretty dodgey places - one of them being this pool hall on the Berlin Turnpike. We were always on the look out for boys, and thought the boys in Berlin were uber hotties.

Anyway, April 2001, we get to the pool hall, scope around - TOTALLY on the prowl … not necessarily thinking about looking for a guy to take my virginity, but just our normal Friday night hunt. I walk over to this one table, and see these two boys; one of them in particular is just wow, unbelievable, jaw droppingly beautiful. Super dark hair, light eyes, pale skin - I mean wow. Could to this day TOTALLY pass as Pete Cashmore's brother or cousin. They seemed a bit lost in their own world so after 5 minutes of batting my big blue eyes I thought, well, I'm not getting any younger here … and stroll up to their pool table.

At the time, I was a newbie to playing pool - and very literally didn't even know how to hold the pool stick. With my best practice audition for a porno, I sashay on over and say excuse me - my names Jen, I'm new at this whole thing … I place the pool cue on the ground mimicking rather sexual movements and say, can you show me how to hold this thing?

The guy I was eyeing was just in fucking stitches. He turns BRRIIIGGHHHTTTT red, laughing, and his friend pipes up and goes - oh SURE, as he grabs his own pool cue and says, place your left hand up here and the back one supporting this …. his flushed friend cuts him off saying, YO, she's hitting on me.

I smile. Yay! He got it!

HAHAHAHAAHA!!!

I grabbed my friend and introduced her to his friend, and we had such a fun night. Totally hit it off. Super super super cute and super super super smart dudes. They went to Xavier which is a prep school in Middletown, and ooohhhhhh myyyyyyy I liked this boy.

At the end of the night we swapped digits and AOL SNs, and went on our merry ways.

I remember dashing home, popping on my computer and immediately adding him to my buddy list. OMG OMG OMG he's so cute! Does he have an AOL profile? or is he just on AIM? OMG please don't have a sub profile to see that I'm stalking you. (oh bless the days of pre-social media-ness. Even just the screen name popping up with the sound of a door was enough to give a young girl chills.)

A few days go by, and I couldn't stop thinking about this boy. I was crushing so hard. I would intermittently restart AIM a few times as to not appear that I had really been online for 48 hours straight. Dude, I even tried accessing AIM in our school library.

Either way, a couple days go by, then his screen name pops up on my buddy list. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG … he's online. Is he going to message me? Am I going to message him? My screen name was Perfect80sgirl, but sometimes people misspelled it, or put an O for the zero, he seemed smart - I don't think he'd do that, but what if my handwriting wasn't clear, I do have very messy handwriting, hence why I type … I click his screen name … ::sound of keyboard keys:: h-i-y-a

Hiya works. Sexy, and inviting without being come over here baby. K … ::click enter::

The blue font shows up with the word, yo.

We start chatting. We both had pretty intense ADD, so I'd like to say that there were fireworks and long loving poetic gestures …. but there weren't. I think he said school was lame, and he was getting ready for work … bbl.

Alrite, alrite - I can do this.

A few more days go by, I hit him up again asking what he was doing for the weekend. He said he wasn't sure, but what did I have in mind? What did I have in mind? A candlelight dinner, roses, strawberries with champagne, garnished with Godiva chocolate. Oh wait, snap out of it Jen … ::sound of keyboard keys:: I dunno. Wanna kick it?

Blue Font: Sure.

Red Font: Cool. Call u l8tr.

We hang out, and by hang out - I mean literally. He picked me up and we drove around for a while settling on some lovers lane in East Hartford, or some place I had never been.

We start making out.
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG he is a good kisser. Like wow. wow. wow. Nice lips, good tongue pressure, sweet spit.

Then, before things got too hot and heavy, he takes out a joint and asks if I wanna smoke. I pretended to take a hit, but didn't even inhale. (Dude, I was suchhhhhh a goody two shoes. Drugs in high school just weren't my thing.) We then talked about goals, and what he wants to do with his life. I think at the time he actually wanted to be a pharmacist. I told him I was going to move to NYC when I finished school. He thought that was cool, and then continued to make out with me knowing it was that much hotter that I was leaving in a few months.

He drops me off back at the house, I don't even think I let him get to second base. There was some major heavy petting, and some motion over the crotch area - but other than that, nada.

I get back to school, and everyone starts buzzing about prom. It was a few short weeks away, and I still didn't have a date. FUUUCCKKKKK MEEEEEEEE!!! Like literally can there be anything worse in life than high school when you're such an outsider? I was there to study, do my thing, and leave. I didn't date anyone, at all, ever. Thought no one is going to ask me, I can't not go to my prom. FUUUCCKKKKKKK!!!!

I get home, pop online, and message the pool hall boy. Now, I had to be careful with exactly how I worded this … prom is a big big big deal. This boy and I had gone out, but we weren't even remotely considering dating each other. I was leaving for NY, and he was going to go to college. I think about how I wanted to word this; I can't just point blank ask him to my prom, why don't I tell him about my plan of not wanting to be a virgin while I'm living in NYC, and ask him if he wants to take my virginity!

Yep. This happened over AOL instant messenger. hahahahaa

Blue Font:
Are you sure?

I explained to him that I hadn't really dated anyone, and I really enjoyed spending time with him. I failed to mention my irrational fear of being released into the real world while still holding onto my cherry - but eh.

Dude, a chick you just got hot and heavy with asks you over AIM to take her virginity? Like really? HAHA what do you all think he was going to say …

Blue Font: I'd love to.

BOOM! Jen's got a prom date. ::happy dance::

Then came the logistics of planning this thing. I didn't want to lose my virginity in a car as yes, vehicular sex can be quite nice … but this is my virginity, and my life evolved around John Hughes. Losing it in the back of his car just wasn't going to happen.

We went back and forth on messenger, he suggests a hotel on the Berlin Turnpike. For the life of me I can't remember what it was called - can see the sign, had a moon on it - other than that, I got nothing! Mind you too, he was 18 - so he could get a motel room.

Sounds perfect, I thought.

Berlin Turnpike … prom night … me …. and the hottie from the pool hall.

Prom to me was unbelievably anticlimactic. I didn't do the whole group picture things with your friends; I was a loaner. I bought my dress on a half whim with my mom, and did my make up myself. I had however, gotten my hair done - so that part was pretty kosher. Oh, and I think my grandparents were over for dinner that night, and my mom might have made a casserole. Like literally … hahaha. John Hughes this was not.

After arriving about a half hour late, pool hall hottie finally shows up. The parentals snap a few pics, and on our way we go. I didn't do the whole limo thing - again loaner … party of one … loaner …

We get there, and the place was still filling up. We were pretty early. I remember sitting at a table with a few of my friends, but I wasn't really interested in talking to anyone. Only my best friend knew what I was planning on doing that night, and I forget why she wasn't there … but whatevs.

I was so nervous, I had such a shit eating grin on my face. I just couldn't believe I was about to have S-E-X.

We stayed for a bit … and I remember one song we danced to, Bryan Adams Everything I do - I do it for you. In my head, that became our official prom song. Not like the actual prom, but the little fantasy version of awesomeness that I was living in my head.

It was weird, I wasn't in love with him, but I trusted him. He was really wise for all of 18, really really absurdly hot, I just very much wanted to do this. Whatever it meant. The time was now. Like right now.

We leave the prom early. I had asked my parents if I could spend the night out after prom and they said oh hell to the fuck no. My parentals were actually pretty lenient considering all of the bullshit I could have gotten involved with - but thankfully, they raised me to keep my noggin on relatively tight. In high school, I assure you, they had nothing to worry about.

We get to the hotel, and hahahaha omg it was hilarious. You can totally rent the rooms by the hour. I forget how long he booked for though. I literally just remember being half out of body wondering if this was going to happen, and what it was going to feel like - while at the same time trying to not be mortified that it was SOOOOOOO obvious what we were doing as we were both still in our prom outfits.

Dude, I would PAY to see that security tape - hahahaa goodness gracious.

We get in the room, and pretty much just get down to business. There were no candles, but no vibrating bed either. It was a queen sized bed in a very dark room, with a bathroom and a TV.

No foreplay, no nothing - he coached me into it. He kept saying, are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure?
I took a deep breath, yes I'm sure.

This was just such a surreal experience for me from head to toe. I had never even been fully naked in front of a boy, or anyone outside of the family doctor - now this is totally happening? FTR, I wasn't a complete prude. I had done my fair share, but not much … and certainly not anything like this.

Totally naked. Boy totally on top of me. This is happening.

He goes to try and put it in, and I literally almost die. I had seen one or two penises before, but this one was … omg … fucking huge. Yeah, imagine Ron Jeremy taking your virginity. I hadn't even let a boy finger me - now you're going to stick WHAT inside of me? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh mmmmyyyyyyyyyyy gooooooodddddddddddddddd.

hahahaha worst. experience. ever.

Well, not the worst, it had to happen - but no one explains to you just how painful it is for a female to have sex for the first time. There's no lubrication, or barely any - and it's not like an 18 year old boy knows what the fuck he is doing either. He kept trying, and eventually succeeded. I don't even remember him coming or anything - I think the pain literally shot me into another world.

When it's over there was no cuddling, no nothing - he kissed me and asked if I felt okay … I lied and said yes even though when I stood up I could barely walk it felt so uncomfortable. He kissed me again, and let it linger. I didn't know what love was then, but I know in that moment, he cared. That was a first for me.

I got dressed, and he drove me back home. I remember stumbling for my keys, as my dad opened the front door. Dude, SOOOOOOOO not the person that I want to see. He asked how it was, etc … I said I was tired and was going to go to bed. Had fun, but really exhausted. OMG, I do not want to see my dad's face right now!!! Why are you still awake?!?! Stop it!! Stop it!!!!

I turn on my TV and fall asleep. Wow, I just had sex.

I very literally felt like a different person the next day. It wasn't this moment of, man, I feel like a woman - it was just more of …. that's what all the fuss is about? I don't get it!

Sex, like prom, was very anticlimactic. They prepare you for it so so so much in school, you learn about every body part, and about 15 different types of birth control - but I just have one question for the school system, why does not one prepare you for the emotional toll that having sex at a young age can do to you? Literally. I do not remember a single class where anyone, anywhere talked about emotions regarding sex, only the physical mechanics of it. Was I supposed to talk to my parents about that? My parents who have been married since they were in their late teens, and were each others firsts onlys and everythings? With the next person I have sex with, I have doubled my parents record.

I was feeling very confused.

I putzed around my day in a bit of a fog. It's not like I loved him, but I certainly didn't think of him just as a friend - but what was he? The guy that took my virginity? Really? And that's it?

I waited by the phone for him to call … it never rang.

I didn't dare get on AIM, I know I may have asked him to take my virginity over AIM - but I felt he should have still been man enough to just pick up the phone and fucking call. Nada.

I remember writing in my journal what had happened, and I literally wrote - "I'm curious to try the sex thing one more time, but I don't know if he's going to call."

And very honestly - he didn't.

After a week, I took him off my buddy list.

A few months go by, and I move to NY as he heads to college. I wasn't heartbroken, more just incredibly confused and a bit hurt by everything. I know he didn't owe me anything, but I felt so blah. Plus too, he was so incredibly big it wasn't like I enjoyed any bit of it.

I proceed to do the only thing I knew how to do - get to work. I threw myself in my studies at Strasberg. My class load was incredibly intense - I had writing classes, acting for film and TV, dude, I even got into the super secret wednesday advanced acting class. I loved what I did - but I put boys out of my mind for a while. I was here to study.

Then shortly after the new year I got an IM - it was from the boy. A bit shocked, I didn't really know how to respond to him.

Blue Font: Hey.

::keyboard typing::

Red Font: Hi.
Blue Font: How r u?
Red Font: okay.
Red Font: What happened with you?
Blue Font: What do you mean?
Red Font: I never heard from you again.
Blue Font: Yeah, sorry about that.

I don't honestly remember the excuses he gave me for not calling - I just remember knowing that it was complete bullshit. He asked if he could make it up to me, he wanted to come to NYC. HAHA yeah right. You're going to come down here to see me after you couldn't pick up the phone to call after you took my virginity? Yeah! My sister is there too.

Ah fuck. This is happening.

He knocks on my apartment door. I open the door, ddaaaayuuuummmmm he looked good. Like looked good good.
He kissed me on my cheek.

I invite him in, and we start talking. He immediately apologizes again for what he did. I said I was kind of over it …. which was a total and complete lie. I'm two for two with this dude.
What was I supposed to say? Yes, you hurt me. Now you're here, in my life again - what is supposed to be accomplished here? I'm not really understanding any of this.

He asked me if sex got any easier (or something more likely a little more classy, but you get the idea), I said no, I hadn't even had sex again. Really? he replied. Yes really. I told him I've been focusing on my studies - which was half true, but half a defense mechanism from not wanting to get hurt again.

He kissed me, and laid down in the bed next to me. We fell asleep. No sex.

In the morning he went on his way to see his sister, and I went to class. I wasn't really sure what any of this meant, but I just didn't care at that point. I didn't regret letting him take my virginity - in fact, I was still glad that he did. I probably would have just done something stupid and gone home with a stupid boy at some stupid party. At least I cared for him, and I knew in that very moment when I was getting dressed in the motel room - he cared for me too. That's all that mattered to me in that very moment.

A couple of years go by, actually more than a couple almost 8 until I hear from him again. I had left my AIM open on an old computer and when I went to boot it, BAM! There he was!!! I was surprised. Again, I don't really know what to say … but I don't want you out of my life. I just … don't know what to think of you.

He then tells me that he was engaged, but he also has a baby girl!!! He sends me the picture over AIM, and ommmmmgggggggg this little peanut is BEAUTIFULLLL!!! Like crazy beautiful!!! Looks just like her daddy, only in female form and not the creepy wow, you take a little after your father too much kind of way.

He still lives in CT, and is a chef now. I guess you could call him a happy little clam. hardy har har har.

I actually just became Facebook buddies with him about a month ago, and sent him this message …




So thank you Marky Mark and your Facebook bunch! I wondered for years how to label this individual in my life, but I am now happy to report, that we are in fact, "friends." =)

xoxo #nerdsunite

... literally.