#RealDeal: The Value Of Connectivity

I'm pretty sure everyone has noticed, but I've kind of had a mind-blowing couple of (now) months. 

Yes, I'm in a relationship … which is just … awesome … but it's more than that. All he did was remind me of things that I already knew, and give me someone to poke and ask to pull my finger on a quasi daily basis. 

I knew this year was going to be a new chapter. I could FEEL it in.my.soul … but this? I did not expect. This isn't just a new chapter, it's an entirely new book. 

Maestro …. 

Connections. Connections. Connections. 

My life has been ruled by them. From the creeps of dial up (where it took 5 hours to load a SINGLE music video on Yahoo! but when you finally were able to make out the characters in the extremely buffered stream and couldn't BELIEVE YOUR EYES that you were watching a music video ON THE FREAKING COMPUTER) to the SHEER JOY that Cable and T1 and T2 connections brought. 

The internet has been a blessing in that it has allowed us the opportunity to connect to more people on an extremely niche basis (how else was I going to find my smurf costume addiction support group?!? First step is admitting you have a problem, Friel.), but at what level are we truly, truly "connecting?" 

I had no IRL friends growing up, all I had were chat rooms and actual "internet pen pals."  I've already identified that I built a business around a coping mechanism, but what was I doing to make a change about it? 

It started with the dating detox. Getting back to self, and stopping to "seek" was utterly mind blowing. Again, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea how much my dating fails were genuinely effecting my self esteem and the quality of all of my relationships in general. (Remember, not having intimacy as a child how the FUCK as an adult was I supposed to know what that shit looked like?!?!) 

Because I was dating so much, I had no time to nurture friendships which resulted in feeling more lonely and wanting to seek out attention from men which resulted only in more frustration and emotional depravation. 

It wasn't the men though, it was very obviously me. I was afraid to truly "connect" because every time I did as a child it resulted in a loss of some kind.

Friends, family … anyone I touched I lost, so why wouldn't I try as an adult to just stop "touching" and stop "connecting." 

I ended up creating a very literal wall around myself and a digital wall between all of my intimate relationships. 

Newsflash Friel, there is nothing intimate about publishing your entire life online.

::Sigh:: I can self deprecate, but it's not going to do any good. Even being my normally dry and witty self won't save me from my own awareness. I know what is there, and what I have to deal with. 

Even just the visualization of it frightens me. It's this extremely murky water that's been stagnant for so long. It reminds me of this song (which is also why I am writing to it on repeat) … 

"Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. 

So dark and foul I can't disguise 

can't disguise 

Nights like this 

I become afraid

Of the darkness in my heart

Hurricane." 

<tangent> This ENTIRE album bee tee dubs, is epic. Secondhand Rapture by MsMr. LIFE CHANGING!!! They have a similar sound to the XX with their haunting melodies, but the EXXXTREEMMMMMEEE passion of Florence and the Machines. </tangent> 

If I don't stir up the gunk inside I'm going to be a very lonely, and sad human being for the rest of my life.

It's just SO HARD to learn to trust, and to reprogram my brain that it's not going to result in a loss of some sort again. 

Even with my boyfriend, I've freaked a number of times wanting to push him away before he had the chance to push me away. 

If I'm in control of the loss, it somehow logically made it easier for me. It wasn't the fact that they didn't love me, (which past loss tells me is true) it was the fact that I first got to throw them away.  This resulted in numerous scenarios where I was defensive and at times downright abrasive. 

Because of our extremely, extremely parallel life experiences however, he's recognized where I was coming from and called me out. Operating from a place of love, not sadness, he was able to push past all of my own bullshit and all of the walls I put up. 

He too has always been very guarded, but in recent years has channeled it into a state of awareness that I admire greatly. 

<tangent> I'm dating a mix between Buddha, Richard Branson, and Evil Knievel. He's less than 5 years older than me, but MAN have I won the life lottery in getting to spend so much time with that human being. I love him so dearly. He's my very best good friend and sometimes we even make out. WINNING!!! </tangent> 

I can sanitize my life, and sanitize my existence but then what becomes of said existence? Am I actually living?Can a life be lost if it's never actually lived?

Woah, getting way too philosophical there for a hot minute. Bring it back down to reality … ::sings back to life … back to reality … :: 

Much better. 

I've spoken SO passionately about social media, and defended it in a sacrificial way for years now … and after taking a step back, I'm not entirely sure how right I truly was. 

Even looking back at the last few years, my head was down and I was responding to tweets, emails, and comments in real time while living said life. I became the PERSONIFICATION of the digital realm from a connection/ connectivity perspective, but what was I actually doing? And who was I doing it all for? 

I kept saying over and over how important it was for people to be able to connect with one another to not feel so lonely, but the very act of social media causes a literal disconnect in peer to peer communication. We are now on computers and phones; our heads are down, and our "connections" are causing a physical disconnection. We focus so much on likes and RTs saving all of our witty shit for posts just so we can get validation on who we are as people. I do it too!! Trust, TOTALLY not pointing a finger, but calling out my own ass for this gnarly path we are walking down. 

I used/ still use all of that as an emotional crutch to avoid the murky water below. 

Is social media really allowing us to connect or is it all just a coping mechanism? 

The more validation a hollow soul receives the more it wants & craves, eventually getting to a place where nothing is ever enough and the jarring nature of nothingness rears its ugly head. 

Remember last summer when I reached my absolute, absolute professional goal yet all I felt was empty?

Yeah. Fucking. Mind-blowing. 

I thought this was all going to fill me in some way, and clear out all of the murky water. As a lover of shiny things, it felt SUPER plausible to just place glitter and flash in front of me to hold interest … yet, over and over, I was still bored. I had created my own life EXACTLY how I wanted, and it still wasn't enough; I was still hollow. 

I wanted intimacy, and I wanted connection yet I was buffering like a mofo and angry at how much longer load time was expected for enlightenment. I sought it in books, a shaman, and even my own life experience through a series of "just saying yes" and letting the world take control and show me what it had to offer. 

None of this came directly from me, however. I was so willing to just hand over my own power and connectivity to this belief that something greater was going to come. 

Yes, something great did come along, but it was simply the awakening of the beast inside of me that wants to just clear out all of the dark and truly shine some light on this water, and all of these things that I haven't dealt with ... ever. 

I have to deal with my own value, my own worth, and my own water. 

All I know is that in the process a LOT is going to change. 

I don't want to exploit - especially since I honestly had no idea I was even doing that in the first place. In my head, the transparency was actually freeing and I was operating from a place of hopefully inspiring someone one day. By focusing so much on others however, I lost perspective of the entire picture and the entire reason why I was even on this journey in the first place. 

I had already been to the place where I had actually received everything I was after, yet I felt worse. The anticipation of what was to come was met with the reality that it couldn't provide. 

Tech is good for shit like that. It's a constant stream of opportunity, and newness. We are all the creators of our own success and over night we ALL have the chance to go from a "zero to a hero." 

The only problem is, that way of thinking is similar to someone looking to pay rent via a poker table. 

It's all a crap shoot, and yes, some do "win" in the land of popularity, public opinion, or even extreme monetary success … but again, what does it all mean in the end? And who are we all doing this for? 

I, Jen Friel, have felt very unworthy my entire life. I then went on this adventure where I became a very valuable human being in a monetary perspective as far as what I was able to do and accomplish. The problem with that though, is everything in my life suffered because of it. I barely saw my family, again, had very few intimate relationships … everyone in my life was involved in this website in one way or another. I allowed myself to be bought in exchange for understanding my own value. 

I'm not sure how kosher that is for passover anymore. 

I'm going to figure out my own price point, and my own value. 

 I am in charge of my own destiny, in charge of my own happiness, and am going to place higher value on true, true connectivity. 

Speaking of value guess who now owns this epic piece of epicness?!?!?! AND IT CAME WITH A MORK AND MINDY THERMOS TOO!!!! AMAZING!!!

I've spoken more to and seen my parents in these last two months than I have in the last three years. 

That's not okay in my book. 

I haven't heard my mom this happy in over ELEVEN years, and it's not just because of my boyfriend it's because I am valuing things differently. 

I can't begin to tell you how many times I've had to cancel trips to head back east to see them because of work. Where is the quality of life when my family … the ONE THING I value the most is left out in the rain like that?!?! 

Not cool. Not fucking cool. 

(I love you Mom & Dad!! =) 

The shiny things became the focus, and these connections became priority. I was operating at 1,000 mph and forgetting to even look up. 

In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller ... 

I'm extremely, extremely excited to share all of this with you claro que si. 

Awareness has kicked my ASS, man. I wanted to Miyagi the shit out of my life, but what I ended up with was a different bonsai tree (and I'm trying to process). 

It's a new beginning. New chapter. New direction. 

Not to be confused with One Direction because those are some seriously annoying punks. 

They're just too "pretty" for my taste. If a guy takes longer than me to get ready, it's just not cool. 

Wait, I think this is a tangent. Is that a squirrel? Oh look, a plane wonder if there is peanut butter on board. 

MMMM peanut bbuutttteerrrr. 

I go now. 

#nerdsunite

#NerdsUnite: Spark to Fire‏

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 6 months. She came to me the other day worried and nervous about the honeymoon phase ending. That she didn’t know what to expect because she had never really had a long term relationship. She was fearful about that initial spark fading away. I don’t blame her. Many a relationship has met its doom after the first flight high towards the sun. Then burning up like Icarus’s wings and plummeting to the rocks below. Finding little to nothing in common with each other, aside from the physical fascination that kept them afloat for the three months prior. Failing like a fad diet and putting on the pounds of regret and time lost. So I told her as I will tell you all now, about the end of the honeymoon phase.

So often we find ourselves fully wrapped up in the origin of a relationship. Getting to know someone seems so thrilling when you literally know nothing about the other person. Not really. Which may explain why being close friends first steals the honeymoon phase before you even have it. With someone new you are introducing them to the things you like and trying the things they enjoy. It’s all so fantastic. As the days go by though you start to find that the things you thought were so cute at first may end up annoying you. The time you spend together becomes a chore and you wonder what other things you could be doing. You start scheduling times to hang out because being spontaneous leaves you sleep less and without energy. Sexually, you may have tried it all and the thrill of it could become common practice and less than adventurous. The honeymoon phase is ending. One of you starts to pull away and the other either takes a hint and leaves or tries harder to win back the affection lost. The spark is dying. The time is lost. The relationship is becoming an estranged friendship. It’s hard to keep going when you are losing interest, keep in mind we all have 15 sec attention spans anymore. So how do you go about keeping the interest alive? I’m sure there are hundreds of magazines and books written on this. So here’s my take on keeping that spark.

The trick is, to add wood to that spark. You can’t keep a fire going if you aren’t stoking the coals and adding more kindling. Never lose sight of who you are with or take them for granted.  A successful relationship takes that spark that started it and turns it into a fire. Each party should be giving and taking almost equally. You should cultivate a partnership that’s mutually beneficial. Communication should be key in this. Open conversation acts as Oxygen or fuel. The conduit to understanding what they want in the developing relationship. Where they want it to go and what they want from it. They also need to know your desires in this regard. You need to learn how to read a person when they aren’t saying anything at all.  In these times they will be telling you more than they ever could verbally. Focus on the happiness and keeping each other happy. Anyone can nitpick the bad, the faults, the discrepancies in a relationship. Littering their mind with excuses for why it could and should end. Sweep that trash away and live to be loved. Embrace the desire you have to create lasting moments and memories. With each day find some way to add a log onto that fire. Seek to create the eternal flame. If you can’t or don’t want to; then chances are this relationship with fall into the heap of failures you judge each new possibility on. If you can’t or won’t work at it you won’t get the rewards of a real relationship. Lust and curiosity is the spark, love and knowledge is the fire.

Speaking of judging, never compare someone to a previous Ex. I know you will. You can’t avoid it. Just don’t let it change how you see this new possibility.  Every person is different and you will find qualities you both like and dislike about this person. Things you will have liked about others that are not present in the new. Things you wish they would do, but don’t. Too often we compare everything to previous incarnations. Just think about how you feel after every new version of Doctor Who! Think music and how this band’s last album was way better, never realizing that the band is growing and trying new things. So too will you be with each new person you pursue. You probably won’t find, “the one” right off the bat. So you work towards it. The greatest injustice you can ever commit is comparing anyone to your “What-If”. The Girl that Got Away. The Pedestal of Perfection. See sometimes the relationship you build in your head without it ever happening will be the most damning thing you have ever created. Your assumption of the best through a made up reality will only sever all ties with anyone that doesn’t live up to that pedestal. Over all just be happy you have someone, when so many others are still looking.

With the hundreds of dating sites out there all seeking to match people with someone, they size you up though a web profile based on lies you tell, where the other person is probably lying. Or worse discarding those who are too honest because honesty makes you seem less likable in the origins of dating. If you have found someone that really makes you smile. Treasure that. Fall madly in love. I for one had a lot of doubt about this current relationship, because I didn’t have to walk through fire to catch her. I didn’t have to overcome outstanding odds to be with her. I didn’t have to prove myself better than other suitors. It just seemed to happen. So the fire I didn’t have to walk through turns out to be the fire I have created from the spark. The outstanding odds I overcame were the chance that I was randomly at the right time and place. I didn’t have to prove myself over other suitors, because I may be a weird shaped puzzle piece... but this is where I fit. I have spent every day making sure she knows that this spark that started our relationship, will lead to a fire that will consume the rest of our lives and maybe just maybe we will rise from the still burning ashes as a couple tested in the fires of devotion, communication, love, and acceptance. All the doubt and disbelief left as only ash behind us. I’m not looking for a happily ever after or a princess just a person that gets me. Can anyone really ask for any more than that?

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

Weird Al Says: #WTF?!

"God" is the only character on The Simpsons to ever have 5 fingers on each hand.

This has been a moment of ... WTF?! 

#Randombling: Xanax + Wine + Epic Stache = uh, this post?

 <editorsnote> Normally, as you all know, I use planes to write; it is my "down time." My 305 boyfriend, however, is absolutely absolutely absolutely PETRIFIED of planes. Our first flight together back out to LA was his first time flying in 7 years. Big deal …. HUGE deal, and my role while flying has now been altered. To ease his anxiety about flying, he takes xanax and also chooses to let's say "liquify" the rest of his courage.

On his first commercial flight, while we were sitting in first class (wait, he just did a fist pump as i typed this. is that a sprinkler? i don't even know what he is doing right now …) he fell in love with the flight attendant Robert who happens to possess NOT ONLY the attitude of Burt Reynolds (his personal hero) but also his epic stache; both of our lives have been changed & we are now writing from that place …. </editorsnote> 

::10 minutes after take off we have not only been notified of extreme turbulence, but also a 25 minute delay in seat belt sign release.:: 

Me: I HAVE TO GO PEE!! SO SO SO BADLY!!! 

305: FEELS LIKE ST ANTHONY JUST TOUCHED MY PROSTATE IN A BAD WAY.

Me: IS THERE A GOOD WAY TO BE TOUCHED BY ST ANTHONY? ISNT HE THE SAINT YOU TALK TO FOR LOST THINGS? 

305: YES I ASKED HIM ONCE TO LOOK FOR GABRIEL'S HORN SO HE COULD BLOW IT. WHEN HE REPLIED WHERE IS THE HORN I POINTED AT MY TROUSERS.

Me: ….. THIS MAKES SENSE … 

::stares in a state of slight confusion:: 

305: I HAVE A FEELING YOU ARE NOW LOST SO ASK ST ANTHONY WHERE MY HEAD IS ON THIS ONE & THEN ASK ROBERT BECAUSE HE "GETS IT."

Me: NO, I'M NOT LOST. ST GABRIEL IS THE "FALLEN ANGEL." HE IS THE SAINT THAT BECAME EVIL, CORRECT? 

(said the chick that grew up in an all jewish town and not only asked at age 7 who actually "wrote" the bible but barely passed CCD out of confusion of organized religion in general and a series of too many "questions" asked of priests that still have yet to provide an answer.) 

305: I AM THINKING YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ARCHANGEL MICHAEL WHO FELL FROM GOD'S GRACE'S BUT GOOD OLD GABRIEL WAS INVOLVED BECAUSE GOD CAUGHT MICHAEL BLOWING GABRIEL'S HORN.

Me: THAT'S RIGHT. GABRIEL IS THE MESSENGER OF GOD. BASICALLY, HE'S THE DUDE THAT HAD TO COME IN AND CLEAN UP ALL THE DIRTY WORK THAT GOD CREATED. HE WAS HIS ASSISTANT IF YOU WILL, AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO THINGS THAT START WITH THE WORD ASS … 

305: I BELIEVE THE TECHNICAL TERM WOULD BE "SPLUG MOPPER."

::he whispers loudly in my ear "do you know what that is?" as i type …:: 

Me: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS. 

305: IT'S THE DUDE THAT CLEANED UP AFTER SUCH PEOPLE AS PEE WEE HERMAN WHEN HE PLEASURED HIMSELF IN A MOVIE THEATER.

Me: SO, HE'S A CLEANER, BUT NOT IN THE SAME WAY LIKE THE DUDE FROM THE PROFESSIONAL. 

PS. NATALIE PORTMAN WAS AAAHHHHMAZING IN THAT MOVIE, AND SHE WAS 12. 

AT 28 I STILL FEEL INFERIOR TO HER 12 YEAR OLD BAD ASSERY IN THAT MOVIE. 

305: AND I NEEDED A SPLUG MOPPER AFTER WATCHING HER IN THAT.

Me: I HAVE HEARD THAT A LOT ACTUALLY.  THIS IS A TANGENT RIGHT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS? AND HOW IS ROBERT'S MUSTACHE DOING? 

305: VERY WELL FROM WHAT I CAN SEE …  AND THE POST STARTED WITH A FULL BLADDER WHICH SEEMS TO BE GETTING FULLER BY THE MINUTE AND THE BUMPY SKIES ARE NOT HELPING. 

Me: FOR REALS, I REALLY DO HAVE TO PEE TOO. WAIT, SO YOU'RE IN THE WINDOW AND IM IN THE AISLE. DOES ETIQUETTE DICTATE WHO GOES FIRST? AND DONT I WIN TWICE OVER BECAUSE IM A WOMAN AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND? 

PS. IM AN EPPPIICCC PEE-ER. 2013 FASTEST PEE-ER THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPPI WHICH IS SPELLED M.I.S.S.I.S.S.I.P.P.I. AH BUGGAR, I JUST REMINDED MYSELF OF PEEING. FAIL FRIEL, FAIL. 

305: WELL USUALLY I WOULD SAY YES, HOWEVER DESPITE BEING IN FIRST CLASS, I PERSONALLY HAVE NO CLASS. WHAT I DO HAVE IS A HIGH FIVE WITH YOUR FACE WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. 

(domestic abuse is not condoned in this post) 

BESIDES, THERE AREN'T ANY TREES NEARBY AND I DON'T THINK PEOPLE WILL ALLOW ME TO PULL UP NEXT TO AN EXIT WINDOW AS MY POINT OF EVACUATION IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN … 

Me: IM PRETTY SURE THAT COULD ALSO GET YOU KICKED OFF THE PLANE. EITHER WAY, $10 SAYS ROBERT'S DEATH STARE WILL STOP YOUR URINE DEAD IN ITS TRACKS.

305: NOT SURE ABOUT THAT ONE. HE HAS A DEATH STARE THAT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE IN SO MANY WAYS. I AM NOT GAY BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION …  BUT I JUST FELL IN LOVE…  ALL OVER AGAIN … SO I THINK HE MAY ENJOY MY SLIGHT EXPLOIT AND RECOGNIZE THE MATING DANCE. 

Me: MATING DANCE? OR BRO-MANCE?HOLD UP, DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST GO ALL WEST HOLLYWOOD ON THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT?IM NOT MAD AT EITHER … PROPS … SPECIALLY PROP EIGHT … BUT REALLY? 

305: LIKE THE OLD PROP 8 DROP…. YES WE PLAN TO ELOPE QUITE SOON. 

I HAVE BEEN PLANNING MY PROPOSAL, IN MY HEAD AND IS ACCOMPANIED BY MY FAXED VERSION OF A BREAK UP LETTER TO YOU. AS A SIGN OF DISGUST I AM GOING OLD SCHOOL FAX. 

IN YOUR FACE TECHIE QUEEN!!!!!

Me: DID YOU JUST TELL ME YOU'RE GOING TO FAX IN OUR BREAK UP LETTER?? 

::sigh:: I THINK I JUST FELL IN LOVE. 

305: OH SWEETIE I THINK I JUST FELL IN LOVE AGAIN. YOU'RE SO SWEET FOR SUPPORTING MY DECISIONS TO GO WITH ROBERT … 

::captain interruption - skies are now clear and I am going to allow flight attendants to begin service.:: 

Me: ROBERT IS BEGINNING YOUR SERVICE ::COUGH COUGH:: I MEAN HIS SERVICING. 

305: I CANT WAIT TO BE SERVICED.

STASH FORMALLY KNOWN AS FREDDY MERCURY OUT!!!!!!!

::: Microphone drop ::::

Me: DUDE, QUIT WITH THE QUEEN LOVE, I JUST HAVE TO PEE … 

305: PLEASE GO BEFORE I MESS UP MY CHANCES WITH ROBERT BY ACCIDENTALLY PEEING MYSELF. 

NOT EVERYONE LIKES A GOLDEN SHOWER ON A FIRST DATE.

Me: WHAT ABOUT GOLDEN BATHS? ARE THOSE A THING? 

305: YEAH BUT IT BURNS THE EYES AND LIPS FOR REASONS I HAVE YET TO FIGURE OUT. PLUS WATER TEMPS ARE DIFFICULT TO REGULATE. 

::stares blankly as a man in the row in front of us uses the bathroom. shakes head in disgust while mouthing the word "bastard.":: 

305: IN THE WORDS OF JONNY 5, "YOUR MOTHER WAS A SNOWBLOWER"

::directed at the dude in the potty::

Me: I THINK WE ARE ABOUT TO BE HANDED A WET TOWEL. 

:: gets handed wet towel by robert:: 

DUDE, DOES ANYONE ELSE REMEMBER THE ORIGAMI ENVELOPES FROM 5TH GRADE?? THEY TOTALLY JUST COPIED THAT SHIZNAT!! 

305: IT'S A WET NAP, LET'S BE REAL. 

Me: AH YES. TIME FOR A WET … NAP …. 

305: I REFER TO THOSE WET NAPS AS WET DREAMS AND I HAVE ALREADY "BEAT" YOU TO IT … OR MORE ACCURATELY ROBERT HAS "BEAT" YOU TO IT. 

Me: IS THAT WHY HE ASKED IF YOU LIKED THE BOURBON HE RECOMMENDED? HE SPENT AN AWFUL LONG TIME INQUIRING ABOUT THE …. TASTE …. 

305: AND IT TASTES FUCKING AAAAAMMMMMAZING. REMINDS ME OF THE LAST TIME I VISITED THE EASTER BUNNY. SHIT GOT WEIRD BUT I A CAME OUT ON TOP IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Me: UM, YOU CAME OUT ON TOP OF A BUNNY? ISN'T THAT AS BAD AS BEING THE TOWN'S TALLEST LITTLE PERSON? REALLY? REALLY? 

305: NO IT JUST MEANS I LIKE TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY MYTHICAL HOLIDAY DIRTY OLD MEN DRESSED IN COSTUME.  BUT I DONT NEED A DOLL TO SHOW ANYONE WHERE I WAS TOUCHED, AND LET ME TELL YOU IT WAS … "SPECIAL."

Me: DUDE, AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND, I CAN TOTALLY DRESS UP AS COMMERCIAL HOLIDAY REPRESENTATIONS IF IT'S GOING TO TURN YOU ON. IM TOTES HAPPY TO DRESS UP AS A FAT MAN THAT LOVES TO HAVE LITTLE KIDS BOUNCED ON HIS LAP. FOR YOU DARLING, ANYTHING!!!! 

::305 whispers in my ear: Robert is about to come over and address our table. you might want to move your computer.:: 

Me: REALLY??? REALLY??!?!?!?! 

305: RESPECT THE CLASS ACT THAT IS KNOWN AS ROBERT. I MAY LOVE YOU BUT HE IS MY MISTRESS.

::Robert just came over and dressed our trays with napkins as he asked what our preference was for dinner this evening. while present, he asked (referencing 305's alcohol) and shook his finger in a circular, hurricane motion asking how much he "liked it." 

shit you not, that was SERIOUSLY wax on wax off-esuqe. … 305-son representing; He is the miyagi of flight attendants … not only is 305 EXTREMELY EXTREMELY calm despite the turbulence, he is falling in love. Madly, madly in love.

20 minutes later, dinner has been served and Robert cleared my plate before 305's. 

Suddenly, the tables have been turned and 305 is no longer the object of Robert's affection. 

He is instead merely … there.:: 

305: this is an official Fuck you. with utmost respect. uck-fay ou-yay. 

Me: SUCH HOSTILITY!!! ROBERT HAS MIYAGIED THE SHIT OUT OF YOU HASN'T HE?!?!? IS THIS THE ULTIMATE JEDI MIND TRICK?? HOW DO YOU ALSO KNOW THIS IS NOT PART OF HIS PLAN?? MAYBE HE WANTS YOU … TO WANT…  HIM …. FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF … WANT?!?! 

305: WELL FIRST OF ALL, MIYAGI HAS NOTHING ON THE DEATH STAR BITCHES. 

SECOND I AM WELL AWARE OF THE GAME. I AM PLAYING HARD TO GET RIGHT NOW, AND LETS BE HONEST XANAX AND WINE MAKE ME A LITTLE HARDER TO GET IN THE HARD FACTOR … BUT YES, I WILL CASUALLY WADDLE TO THE BATHROOM AS OF SOON, AND ACT AS THOUGH MY ZIPPER IS STUCK AND WHO WILL I ASK FOR HELP? THE ALMIGHTY YOGURT HIMSELF BECAUSE THE SHWARTZ IS STRONG WITH HIM, BUT IF I CANT FIND HIM I WILL SETTLE FOR ROBERT BECAUSE I COULD SEE GETTING MY SWARTZ TANGLED WITH HIS.

Me: DID YOU JUST SPACE BALLS YOUR OWN BALLS? I THINK I MIGHT BE IN LOVE … 

305: NO I WAIT FOR PIZZA THE HUT TO GET IN ON THE ACTION.

Me: KINKY …. 

305: I KNOW, BRINGS NEW MEANING TO FROM UNDA CHEEZE.

::furrows eyebrows to express disgust:: 

Me: DUDE, SO GROSS. YOU CANT REFERENCE CHEESE AND A CHICK. NO BUENO. 

305: FIRST OFF ALL,  WHO SAID A CHICK WAS INVOLVED! AND SECOND ITZ MOTZEREALLA SO POO POO TO YOU. PLUS IT'S SO HARD WHEN YOU GO PLAID. AND AS A SIDE NOTE HOW MANY ASSHOLES DO WE HAVE ON THIS SHIP?!?!?!?!?!

Me: WELL, IT'S A PLANE, SO THERE ARE EXACTLY 12 IN FIRST CLASS … THE TWO OF US INCLUDED … OUTSIDE OF THAT THIS IS A 737? SO APPROXIMATELY 200? FTR, THATS A WHOLE LOT OF ASSHOLERY. 

305: AND GUESS WHICH ASSHOLE GOT ME BACK ON A PLANE FOR THE FIRST TIME?? IT WAS RIVER PHOENIX, OBVIOUSLY. 

Me: WHY YOU GOTZ TO BRING THE VIPER ROOM INTO THIS CONVERSATION? YOU MAY NOT LIKE LA, BUT I DO!!! 

305: GUESS THIS RELATIONSHIP JUST TOOK A TURN FOR THE WORSE … 

Me: LISTEN 305, I RESPECT THE FEAR OF FLYING. IVE SEEN THE MOVIE HIGH ANXIETY, AND CAN SING THE THEME SONG.LIKE ROBERT AND HIS EPIC STACHE, I "GET IT." HAVE I MENTIONED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES THAT I LOVE YOU? 

305: TECHNICALLY, YES BECAUSE YOU JUST DID. I GUESS I CAN LET SOME OF THIS SHIT SLIDE FOR NOW. A HIGH FIVE OR A SUPER STOKED FIST PUMP TO THE DOME MIGHT COME LATER BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT IS A ACT OF EXCITEMENT AND IT DEFINITELY HURTS YOU MORE THAN ME. BUT IT IS PURELY OUT OF LOVE AND WHEN I MEAN LOVE, I MEAN THE LOVE I HAVE FOR PITBULL.

Me: THANK YOU 305 …. THANK …. YOU …. 

305: YOU'RE WELCOME FELLOW PITBULL LOVER. 

ALL JOKES ASIDE YOU ARE EVERYTHING ANYONE COULD WANT. I WAS SO FORTUNATE TO BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE AND WILL NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOU OR TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED. 

YOU HAVE GIVEN ME HOPE …  BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU ATTEMPTED …. A BREAD PUDDING…….

Me: YES, I BAKED FOR YOU … THAT'S A FIRST, AND WAS WELL DESERVED. 

WELL … WELL … DESERVED. 

305: TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, 

THIS IS A RAMBLE OF WEIRD COMMENTARY BASED OUT OF ECCENTRIC INDIVIDUALS ALL OF WHICH REFLECT SOME FORM OF LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. I HOPE TO ALL OF YOU THAT SOME DAY YOU WILL FIND WHAT I HAVE FOUND. 

THIS WORLD IS HUGE AND MANY OF US HIDE INSIDE BECAUSE WE ARE SCARED WHAT WE DREAMED OF AS CHILDREN WILL NEVER COME TRUE. 

THE TEACHERS WHO TOLD US NO, THE AUNTS AND UNCLES WHO LOOKED DOWN ON US. THE WORLD TELLING US CREATIVITY WAS A PLACE WHERE NOTHING GOOD TO COME OF. 

WE ARE A POPULACE THAT DESCENDED FROM THE ECCENTRIC AND THE WORLD WOULD NOT BE WHAT IT IS TODAY WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE JEN AND THE READERS OF THIS SITE. 

KEEP BEING WEIRD, MAKE PEOPLE SMILE, AND MOST OF ALL CATCH THEM OFF GUARD. 

WE ALL NEED A WAKE UP CALL. EVERY DAY &  I HAVE FOUND MINE.  

I WISH FOR EVERYONE TO FIND THE SAME. 

JEN IS SOMEONE OF INSPIRATION AND I HOPE SHE IS INSPIRATION TO ALL OF YOU TO GO OUT AND EXPLORE THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER. 

SOMETIMES THE "REJECTS" FIND THE POETRY IN LIFE WHERE OTHERS SEE SHAME OR DIGUST. 

THE BEATNICKS OF THE PAST DIDNT GET "NOTICED" THEY MERELY FOUND "ENLIGHTENMENT" THROUGH DIVERSITY. 

WE ALL MUST STAND ALONE IN THE FACT, BUT DONT BE AFRAID TO DO SO. IT IS THE ACT OF SELF AWARENESS AND THE EMPOWERMENT IT BRINGS. 

DREAMS ARE ALWAYS ATTAINABLE, AND THE MORE YOU HAVE THE MORE THE ODDS ARE IN YOUR FAVOR SO FUCK THE WORLD AND THE IDEALS THEY PUSH ON US. 

WE NEVER NEEDED THEM TO BEGIN WITH. 

THIS LIFE IS OURS FOR THE TAKING AND JEN IS A LIVING EXAMPLE OF THAT. 

SO LET HER INSPIRE BUT ALSO USE THAT TO INSPIRE OTHERS BECAUSE LIFE WOULD BE BLAND OTHERWISE.

I LOVE YOU JEN!!!!

Me: DUDE, QUIT PROJECTING YOUR LOVE FOR  ROBERT UNTO ME. I KNOW THIS IS JUST A PROFESSION OF YOUR LOVE FOR HIM AND HIS MUSTACHE!??!!?! MAMA DIDN'T RAISE NO FOOL!!! 

::sigh alright alright:: 

I KID … I KID … AND GUESS WHAT? I LOVE YOU TOO!! =) 

305: NO IT WAS REALLY THE STACHE. BUT I KNOW HE WONT HAVE ME SO IF YOU WILL LOOK OVER MY MOMENT OF MISJUDGMENT THEN I WILL ALWAYS BE YOURS. UNLESS OF COURSE HE COMES AROUND AGAIN, OR BETTY WHITE WANTS MY BALLS.

Me: I BOW DOWN TO BETTY WHITE. BOW … DOWN … 

::actually bows down while in seat:: 

305: BOW DOWN FOR SOME WIZARD SLEEVE I SHOULD ASSUME??

Me: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, AND I DO NOT … DO NOT … DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. PROPS TO MISTER WIZARD CIRCA 1992!!! I LOVE YOU 305!!! YOU'RE MY VERY BEST GOOD FRIEND. 

305: AND TO YOU, MY EVENT HORIZON. 

::microphone drop:: 

#nerdsunite

#NerdsUnite: Confident, Not Cocky

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Everyone knows that women love confident men. The problem is that many guys, in their attempt to come across as confident and self-assured, fail to distinguish being confident from being a cocky asshole.

You may have good looks, a sense of humor, quick wit and intelligence, but if you don’t have confidence and self-esteem, you won’t have sex appeal.

Your physical presence demonstrates your comfort in a room, shows your involvement in a conversation and displays your masculinity to those around you. Three aspects that are relatively easy to do are working on your eye contact, having good posture and relaxing the way your body moves.

Eye contact may feel unnatural or awkward to you at first because it’s relatively intimidating. When you’re trying to keep eye contact to demonstrate your confidence, remember that eye contact is not staring at someone’s eyes. It is a connection. The last thing you want to do is lock eyes and bore holes through their heads or you’ll come off as threatening.

When you think of the most confident guy you’ve seen in movies, chances are he’s someone who has great posture. A slouched, downward-looking person is not convincingly confident, so having good posture is directly linked to whether others perceive you as being confident. Take notice of how you stand in your next interaction or conversation. Practice having good posture until it becomes a natural part of your presence.

If you have a commanding, confident presence but don’t have the abundance mentality or mindset of a high-value person, you’ll come across as slightly disingenuous, insecure and cocky. A high-value man knows he’s a person others like to being around and owns it. He doesn’t brag. He just shows it off through how he interacts with others. A high-value man has dealt with his self-doubt and image problems like a man, making him all the sexier.

Know the difference between confidence and cockiness. Confident men know themselves and stand tall because of it. Cocky men haven’t figured out who they are but do everything they can to come across as someone who has.

A solid, connected, defined sense of self is the kind that vibes with everyone. It’s confident.

If you’re coming across as cocky, you probably haven’t spent enough time trying to get to know yourself. Doing this can turn you into the sexy, confident man you’ve always wanted to be.

Sign up for our newsletters if you want to hear more about how to be confident without being cocky.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com